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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ~anyomous~ on August 6, 1999, at 11:36:12
I started taking ritalin pills as a trial for my adhd.
the short 3 hour ones. I am also very depressed. yet i dont tell the doctor that.
Ritalin made me feel better while i was on it. but the come down was horrible.
I have very little confidence and self-esteem...so its so hard for me to socialize with ppl. I goto a dance club once in awhile and i'm the only
one not dancing pretty much. I wanted to be really confident and social so...i started crushing up my rialin and snorting about 4 pills at a time before i go out.
I felt happy...and all my problems tempoarily went away. Yet still no luck socializing. (I dont know why i get so shy when talking to ppl)
Now my doctor gave me sustained releassed addreall. This seems so much differnt from ritalin. When itake it i kind of mellow out and i can concentrate better. I couldnt help but too snort it again...before i call a freind or go somewhere.
Yet...once again..i just kind of mellow out. I really dont plan on stoping crushing these pills right now. I have too. otherwise i just sit around my house by myself doing nothing.
I want to know if anyone has a good comparison to the 3 drugs dexetrine-ritalin-adderall.
also...i know its bad...but which one would be the most "stimulating and powerful"...if taking crushed?
I am totally aware of the effects of this...i did alot of research first. But i am so desperate...
there was a 2 week period between the time i got off ritalin and went on adderall...and i felt sick everyday...depressed...thought about killing myself...and when any little thing happend i would just start crying.
Everything i do i take to hard without these pills it seems. The girl i love so much stood me up one day...cos she couldnt go somewhere with me.
And becaues i wasent on anything...i took it as if she just stabbed me with a knife...I freaked out...and couldnt handle that sort of thing.
Also...one more thing...does anyone have any advice for me?
I have gone to a pychatrist..twice. but i just couldnt bring myself to tell him any of this.
This just seems easier for me to do.
Thanks...and sorry to make u read this whole sob story.
~me~
Posted by grace on August 6, 1999, at 19:40:05
In reply to ritalin-dexetrine-adderall comparison? n 1 more ?., posted by ~anyomous~ on August 6, 1999, at 11:36:12
You,
For whatever reason, I didn't believe your story.
If I am wrong, the answer is obvious; go to the doctor, tell the doctor you are depressed, get some anti-depressants, and take them.
Posted by ~anyomous~ on August 6, 1999, at 20:41:12
In reply to Re: ritalin-dexetrine-adderall comparison? n 1 more ?., posted by grace on August 6, 1999, at 19:40:05
> You,
>
> For whatever reason, I didn't believe your story.
> If I am wrong, the answer is obvious; go to the doctor, tell the doctor you are depressed, get some anti-depressants, and take them.Well i'm sorry but its true. And i re-read what i wrote...what is it that sounds so unbelivable?
also...I dont want to go on anti-depressents, i dont even know what they do actually. Thats why i figure i can use these stimulants for my add and depression.
geeze. Sorry i'm new to this board. I didnt know how much information is needed to get help...
Posted by tammy on August 7, 1999, at 1:12:54
In reply to re:grace..., posted by ~anyomous~ on August 6, 1999, at 20:41:12
Look I don't understand why you would'nt want to take an AD for depression. At some point you will become tolerant to your current dose of stims. They may still help with your add but your depression will only get worse. The only way your depression will subside is if you quit your addictive behavior and seek treatment for it. Otherwise your self pity will end up destroying your life. Trust me, there are meds out there that work. Go tell your doctor you have'nt been feeling well and that you would like to augment your stims with and antidepressant. Find the courage to do it and realize that your life will not get better until you take the first step.
Good Luck
Posted by ~anyomous~ on August 7, 1999, at 8:58:43
In reply to Re:Wake up, posted by tammy on August 7, 1999, at 1:12:54
> Look I don't understand why you would'nt want to take an AD for depression. At some point you will become tolerant to your current dose of stims. They may still help with your add but your depression will only get worse. The only way your depression will subside is if you quit your addictive behavior and seek treatment for it. Otherwise your self pity will end up destroying your life. Trust me, there are meds out there that work. Go tell your doctor you have'nt been feeling well and that you would like to augment your stims with and antidepressant. Find the courage to do it and realize that your life will not get better until you take the first step.
>
> Good LuckThanks for the advice. But i did alot of thinking. Its too late for anything now though. I should have done that many months ago. But like you said...it will destroy my life, in which it already has. So i dont see the point of bringing other people down anymore. This is so pathetic.
Everyday i wake up and i walk around feeling like i'm in a dream, thats not good. Oh well. Thanks for the help though.
I will still look up differnt anti-depressents and learn about them i guess. But I would rather not tell anyone that i need them.
Thanks.
Posted by Elizabeth on August 7, 1999, at 16:49:17
In reply to Re:Wake up, posted by ~anyomous~ on August 7, 1999, at 8:58:43
I'm not sure why you've gotten such judgmental responses. Messing with your medication isn't a good idea, but it's obvious you're in pain. If stimulants help with your depression as well as your ADHD, killing two birds with one stone makes sense. What dose are you presently supposed to be taking (as opposed to what you've actually been taking)?
There is a long-acting (once-a-day) stimulant, Cylert (pemoline), that is sometimes used for ADHD. It's "smoother" than Ritalin.
I don't know of any evidence that people taking stimulants for ADHD develop tolerance to them.
Posted by ~anyomous~ on August 8, 1999, at 11:13:03
In reply to Re:Wake up, posted by Elizabeth on August 7, 1999, at 16:49:17
> I'm not sure why you've gotten such judgmental responses. Messing with your medication isn't a good idea, but it's obvious you're in pain. If stimulants help with your depression as well as your ADHD, killing two birds with one stone makes sense. What dose are you presently supposed to be taking (as opposed to what you've actually been taking)?
>
> There is a long-acting (once-a-day) stimulant, Cylert (pemoline), that is sometimes used for ADHD. It's "smoother" than Ritalin.
>
> I don't know of any evidence that people taking stimulants for ADHD develop tolerance to them.Right now i take 1.5 pills of adderall in the morning. 10mg. Which doesnt seem like enough and it actually makes me more calm...as ritalin gave me that mood lifting feeling.
Posted by Cass on August 8, 1999, at 20:35:56
In reply to Re:Wake up, posted by ~anyomous~ on August 8, 1999, at 11:13:03
Dear Anon,
You have my sympathy for the problems you're having, also, for the response from the person who did not believe your story. It feels awful to confide painful details of your life and not be believed. No advice, really. Just good wishes.
Cass
Posted by Racer on August 8, 1999, at 22:40:37
In reply to ritalin-dexetrine-adderall comparison? n 1 more ?., posted by ~anyomous~ on August 6, 1999, at 11:36:12
Oh, my! You're discussing the story of my life, fifteen years ago! I don't and didn't suffer ADHD, but I was taking copious amounts of speed, mostly to allow me to socialize, which I couldn't do any other way. The only way I could talk to anyone was to be high, higher than anyone should ever be. My judgement became impaired, I thought that it was OK for me to take the drugs because they were therapeutic, and that nothing the doctor could give me would help in any way. I also thought it was too late to fix my life.
Well, let me tell you, I was wrong on all counts. First of all, I got off the speed. That was very difficult, and it required changing all my socializing patterns. It really took a long time for me to do it completely, because it was so much of my life. Then I finally listened to what my doctor was telling me about anti-depressants, and I read up on them with an open mind for the first time. I tried them, and felt alive for the first time in years. That was about 13 years ago, and my life has improved steadily ever since, despite periodic returns of depression.
It's too bad you're anonymous, because I can feel your pain so clearly, and wish I could show you yourself from the outside. You're probably much more wonderful than you know, and much more deserving of care and comfort. We here on this board are not in your everyday life, but we can provide a bit of a mirror for you, a way for you to learn to see what others see when we look at you. It's probably better than you think now.
Good luck to you, from my heart.
Posted by Rob (~anyomous~) on August 8, 1999, at 23:59:17
In reply to Been there, done that, have the t-shirt..., posted by Racer on August 8, 1999, at 22:40:37
Well it makes me feel kinda good now that u said that. I had almost giving up on this board...
And what u said does sound like my life. I keep trying to do drugs that make me really confident and hyper, just so i can be more outgoing and socialize.
but now i just cant stop...and i really dont want to becaues i know that my life will get worse. then again i know my life will get worse if i dont stop.
In my mind its too late to change my life. and I feel i have 2 choices. 1. just end myself. 2. Do drugs until i turn into a vegetable...or go pycho so i can actually go threw with what it is i want to do, to solve this problem
I know its stupid and i should get help. But i dont think it will work. And i'm just going to suffer more if i get my hopes up, and then there bashed down as usual. I DO want help though. Its just that i'm at the point where i am so confused it unbeliveable.
I dont know why i do drugs...i dont want to do them, but then i think...I want drugs...i need drugs.
Then i think...i need help. then i dont need help. On top of all that i walk around all day spacing out thinking these things.
Also...when i'm not on drugs i feel like i'm in a dream...or in a movie , looking down and watching myself. As if i can do anything and i will just wake up.
sometimes i might even think something like "i could walk into that store and rob it". Also thinking at the same time "then i'll just wake up".
thats when i really start to scare myself. becaues i'm in a dream...but i'm already awake!
Thanks alot though, this is the first time someone actually might possibly know what its like. although i think if anyone was in my shoes they would go insane.
Posted by grace on August 9, 1999, at 1:00:51
In reply to ritalin-dexetrine-adderall comparison? n 1 more ?., posted by ~anyomous~ on August 6, 1999, at 11:36:12
>I'm sorry I said I didn't believe you. I just couldn't believe the part about snorting up the Ritalin. I have never heard of anyone doing this and I thought you were just making up a story to shock us. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry you feel like this. I want the best for you. I think you need to find a psychiatrist you can feel comfortable with to tell this all to. Try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed to be depressed, be proud of yourself for discovering this and admitting it, and now for asking for help. I always say, the first to do when you have a problem is get good help. Depression can be an illness like the flu - it doesn't reflect on your basic character. If you don't want to, don't tell anyone about it except for your psychiatrist and us. It's really only your business.
grace
Posted by LD on August 9, 1999, at 8:31:29
In reply to Re: ritalin-dexetrine-adderall comparison? n 1 more ?., posted by grace on August 9, 1999, at 1:00:51
grace, I just wanted to let you know that snorting ritalin is a very real thing. Before I got help for depression, I did the very same thing as Rob and Racer. I was speeded up all the time, whether on amphetamines, ritalin, or anything else that would dull the pain and make me think I was happier than I really was. A friend of mine has ADD and she used to give all her friends as many ritalins as they wanted (yes, I know now she needed help too)
and we would crush them up and snort them all night. It gives you a great rush, and you feel like you can do anything. I would never never do this anymore, but at that point in my life, that was how I spent most of my days. But thank god, I am now (hopefully) on the road to recovery.Rob- Hang in there. Please go get help, life is finally starting to make sense to me, and using drugs to dull the pain is no life at all.
LD
Posted by Racer on August 9, 1999, at 12:39:10
In reply to Re: Been there, done that, have the t-shirt..., posted by Rob (~anyomous~) on August 8, 1999, at 23:59:17
Oh, Rob, you have no idea! I look back now, and only wish that I'd done something sooner with my life. You can change your life any time you decide to. There was a jazz singer about 40 years ago, dying of a heroin addiction, who held on and refused to die until she kicked. She said that she didn't want to die until she was clean, and she didn't. If she could do it so close to death, surely we can fix ourselves now?
Listen, Rob, I'll tell you something. When I went through my big therapy, which went on for several years, it really was painful. I can't and won't lie to you. Several times, after my Friday evening appointment, I went home and cried most of the weekend because I was talking about and almost reliving some of the most painful parts of my life. That's what it takes to heal. It is not unbearable, though, and there is a catharsis involved. It's like a wound that is healing badly: you have to open the wound again to allow it to heal properly. That's painful, but it feels better very quickly, because now it can heal.
I'll tell you a secret: you can't possibly be as awful as I knew I was. I knew that I didn't deserve to live, I certainly didn't deserve to feel better, because I was so very bad and evil. Really, I was one of the very worst people on earth! You can't possibly beat that! I wanted help, I wanted to feel better, but I knew I didn't deserve it. You know what, though? I got myself that help, and now I can safely and honestly say that I did deserve it, and more. I'm not the best person in the world, but I'm still someone I can look in the eye in the mirror every morning and be proud of.
Please keep us posted as you make the journey seeking the person inside you that you'll be proud of. Please let me know that you're doing something to help yourself. The drugs will make the world seem much worse, I know, and it really is painful to try to get off them. Let us help you every way we can here on this board, and let me know if there's anything else I can tell you to help you through this time. You can't do it all alone, but at least there's this board where we can exchange ideas and experiences.
Best luck to you, and all the strength I can send you.
Posted by Ania on August 10, 1999, at 14:37:07
In reply to Re: Been there, done that, have the t-shirt..., posted by Racer on August 9, 1999, at 12:39:10
Rob,
I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel. I can only base my feelings on what I went through (are still going through).
My hat's off to you for reaching out and sharing your pain with us.
This really is the first step in getting better - acknowledging that you have a problem and that you need help with it.From my own healing, I found that reading books related to healing really helps me. I believe that we can change how we feel
about ourselves and about the world around us.
I also believe in therapy and medications. All of those things work together to help in healing.One author that I really like is Carolin Myss. She's an intuitive healer, and she's pretty cool, too. I've also looked into Native
American and Eastern beliefs. I found enlightenment and understanding of my own pain and suffering in their teachings. I've also
realized that blaming others for my pain won't get me anywhere. That had a profound effect on how I felt about my life!
Give it a try. Maybe you'll find what you're looking for.I would wish you "Good Luck," but it really doesn't have much to do with anything. It's all up to you. You have to make the
commitment to change and heal...Ania
Posted by Cynthia on August 11, 1999, at 0:27:53
In reply to Re: Been there, done that, have the t-shirt..., posted by Rob (~anyomous~) on August 8, 1999, at 23:59:17
Hi RobI wish you did your own posting because I don't think you're going to get the attention you probably need. Certainly I can relate to you. most people know that taking 'street drugs' is self-medicating, and I know addiction, and I know emotional pain. I'm not going to paint a rosy picture, getting better is like a snakes and ladders game. Psychiatrist's medications would most likely help you, but not while you're doing recreational drugs. Change is scary, and your recreational drugs are probably the way you've choosen to cope with your emotional pain. I'm sorry for you. Anonymous bulletine boards are a great place for getting help, you can be so honest on them.
Here's some questions for you;
How's your support system? Do you have any family, friends you could trust, and that could help you?
Could you check yourself in anywhere?
How would you feel about seeing a psychiatrist?Thinking about you,
Cynthia
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