Posted by Rob (~anyomous~) on August 8, 1999, at 23:59:17
In reply to Been there, done that, have the t-shirt..., posted by Racer on August 8, 1999, at 22:40:37
Well it makes me feel kinda good now that u said that. I had almost giving up on this board...
And what u said does sound like my life. I keep trying to do drugs that make me really confident and hyper, just so i can be more outgoing and socialize.
but now i just cant stop...and i really dont want to becaues i know that my life will get worse. then again i know my life will get worse if i dont stop.
In my mind its too late to change my life. and I feel i have 2 choices. 1. just end myself. 2. Do drugs until i turn into a vegetable...or go pycho so i can actually go threw with what it is i want to do, to solve this problem
I know its stupid and i should get help. But i dont think it will work. And i'm just going to suffer more if i get my hopes up, and then there bashed down as usual. I DO want help though. Its just that i'm at the point where i am so confused it unbeliveable.
I dont know why i do drugs...i dont want to do them, but then i think...I want drugs...i need drugs.
Then i think...i need help. then i dont need help. On top of all that i walk around all day spacing out thinking these things.
Also...when i'm not on drugs i feel like i'm in a dream...or in a movie , looking down and watching myself. As if i can do anything and i will just wake up.
sometimes i might even think something like "i could walk into that store and rob it". Also thinking at the same time "then i'll just wake up".
thats when i really start to scare myself. becaues i'm in a dream...but i'm already awake!
Thanks alot though, this is the first time someone actually might possibly know what its like. although i think if anyone was in my shoes they would go insane.
poster:Rob (~anyomous~)
thread:9691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990726/msgs/9788.html