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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Bell_75 on December 22, 2003, at 5:33:22
In reply to crappy comment.., posted by Karen_kay on December 19, 2003, at 18:30:51
> Ok, so does your therapist ever say anything that offends you? I just remembered a comment he made to me during the last session and it now angers me.... To the hundreth degree...
Well, sometimes he does say things that put me off slightly but i cant remember the little things only a few.
Without sounding like a broken record, the comment about 'not fitting the criteria for depression anymore' kinda felt like he was brushing me off. It shocked me because I definately didnt see it that way.
Another thing more reccently was when we were talking about intermediate beliefs ruling my negative automatic thoughts and my high morals I have. I told him that a lot is to do with wanting my mother's approval and that she passed along her morals to me that annoy me when I exercise them within my life (like not smoking, not being promiscious, no stealing/lying/cheating blah blah). So he wrote on his white board "My mother's approval is essential" and asked me how much I live by that rule. Firstly, they werent my exact words and secondly he was making my own beliefs up for me. I corrected and informed him saying that I do feel like I need my mother's approval at times but I dont feel like I cant live without it or that my world would come crumbling down around me if I didn't have it. I have done things that she has known about and not approved of and life has gone on. No biggie!
Another comment was when I said I find that I'm not a person prone to any sort of addiction. I've tried alcohol, smoking, drugs (only marijuana) and gambling and none seem to have any sort of interest for me. I'm not really desperate to do any of them to extremes or I dont have obsessive thoughts and as for the drugs and smoking cigarettes I havent wanted to take either up.
I only brought it up with him because it made me feeling like a boring person who had nothing to wind down with , had any real hobby, was interesting or took any risks/rebelled.
So his reply to me saying I dont get addictions was.."I think you do have an addiction....your anxiety."
All because I told him I didnt go jogging down at the local park because I didnt want people seeing me or vice versa. So I'll admit to have some anxiety but not to the point of it being an addiction. He said it was an obsession for me and I'm like "whaaaaaaaaat?"
I think those sort of comments moreso irk me because I get paranoid or abit uncomfortable when I feel he is passing judgement on me. I get abit edgy when I hear him start a sentence with "I think you....(insert psych's opinion/observation".
Sometimes he says "correct me if I'm wrong" other times he sits there with this smug look on his face like hes thinking "ha! I know I'm right!".
In last week's session I was really anxious and on edge from the day's and the whole week's events, I wanted to talk to him about it but he seemed stuck on the part about me needing my mother's approval so while he was writing on the board I looked at the jar of coloured pencils on the desk beside me and started turning the ones that were upside down to point upwards like the rest. I said to him with a bit of a laugh:
"aah I'm goin' all monk! I was sitting in the waiting room straighting up all the phamplets and magazines now I'm doing this like Monk does and I cant help it. Have you seen that show about the detective with OCD?"
I sort of half wanted this to lead into why I was stressed moreso than usual and he just laughed and said:
"Don't get into that habit its a bad habit" and "No I avoid shows about people with OCD and stuff like that because I see enough of it here."
*grumbles* all I could think was 'well i'm not just fidgetting/neat freak here to put on a show for you I do it alot at home too' but meh sometimes his blaise attitude puts me off.
Yeah I admit I can be over-sensitive and that I do have a known habit of negative mind reading.
In my opinion, I believe professional therapists should have consideration for clients who are obviously sensitive people and as ridiculous as some things they say sound they shouldn't poke fun at them or tease. Unintentionally harmless or not.Now I've had this little rant, I feel like saying all this to him (when I get that big shipment of assertiveness I've been waiting for) and telling him to back off. Yeah woman hear me roar!
Phew!
Just a pity I wont be seeing him for another 3 weeks and by the time that comes around I will have talked myself out of it.I just gotta remember that, professional or not, no one knows me better than me.
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2003, at 9:07:56
In reply to Re: crappy comment...crappy observations » Karen_kay, posted by Bell_75 on December 22, 2003, at 5:33:22
Ugh. I think those things would annoy me too. I'm taking it that he's pretty strongly CBT?
Maybe you could bring your own white board next time and write down your own observations.
"Addiction to trying to nail things down quickly, without much exploration."
"It is necessary for me to have xxxx observations about cognitive distortions per week."
But don't listen to me. I only made it through three sessions with the CBT biofeedback guy and he thought I was hostile (while he thought he was direct and suffering from countertransference that was totally determined by my transference.) Believe it or not, I don't have a great record with mental health professionals. lolololol.
Posted by pegasus on December 22, 2003, at 12:26:17
In reply to Re: crappy comment...crappy observations » Bell_75, posted by Dinah on December 22, 2003, at 9:07:56
Oh, I love the idea of bringing a white board to record his distorted thoughts. Ha ha ha!
What I do instead is go home and write out all of my frustrations, and then bring them in to my next session and say, "Here's what I thought after our last session." He says it makes him feel incompetent sometimes, and while I feel a little bad about that . . . I don't feel TOO BAD. Sometimes he does screw up, and I think over time it has helped our relationship to point out the things he's done that annoyed me. Of course, sometimes he gets defensive and doesn't see things the same way as me, which is really frustrating. But overall, I think it helps me to be able to point out his foibles. Sort of equalizes things, and keeps him on his toes. Does that make me hostile too? Probably.
Posted by Bell_75 on December 22, 2003, at 19:06:59
In reply to Re: crappy comment...crappy observations » Bell_75, posted by Dinah on December 22, 2003, at 9:07:56
LOL My own whiteboard, thats ingenius! I love it!
He often says to me 'if you dont agree with something I say you're most welcome to correct me on it or give me feedback on how you think we're going" and I know he says that with confidence because he *knows* I lack assertiveness and rather than tell him how I feel I'll just sit there stewing inside being uber pissed off.
I've had my little moments of bursts of confidence though where I've hit him up on something I thought he was wrong about and being too quick to come to conclusions and I liked the fact that it surprised him because he wasnt expecting it.
Yeah he is mainly CBT orientated thats why I'm seeing him specificly. With the therapist I had before him at the same place we started CBT but didnt get very much into it before she left so she gave me the option that I could see another psychologist to continue/finish CBT with them or I could see a social worker who does counselling but isnt trained in CBT so doesnt perform it.
I chose to see a psych because I did want to finish CBT but also I know from past experiences that the results are better.
One thing that gets my goat as far as this guy (my therapist) and CBT goes that we were doing CBT work on a regular basis and it was going well then all of a sudden we got sidetracked and left it completely. He himself even complains about how inconsistent our sessions are compared to his with other clients and that we tend to go all over the place and have unstructured session.
*writes on her own whiteboard "T has control issues and is finding it difficult being in an unstructed situation. Despite client's efforts to resolve this structure problem T himself seems to be the one that keeps the sessions in this unstructed rut. Conclusion? T is all talk no action.* LOL harsh. Part of me thinks "thank god he isnt reading this or knows that I'm talking about him here" and another thinks "I wish he could read this so he knows exactly what my thoughts on him are"
I know it would only take one time for me to mention this message board and curiosity would get the better of him and he'd go looking for it.
Hmm...what a concept, eh?
I feel much more relaxed with the state of mind that I can talk to people that relate to my feelings and experiences in therapy without him knowing about it.I've had an idea for a new thread kickin' around in my head for awhile now so I'm gunna go give it a try. Wish me luck and watch out!
Posted by Speaker on December 22, 2003, at 22:22:39
In reply to Re: crappy comment...crappy observations, posted by Bell_75 on December 22, 2003, at 19:06:59
I have been catching up on the board and I sat and read all of this thread. I was laughing out loud and my husband came in to find out what was so funny :)...I shared the nose-picking, teeth-picking, peeing therapists I have read about. Thank you all for your candor! I do have a delima...my old T always asked if I wanted a hug before I left (after a year he just knew I did)...my new T shook my hand the first time and I have seen him 5 times and no touching...is this the norm for most of them??? He has also never told me how to get ahold of him if I have a problem in between sessions. Should I ask or wait until he offers the info. I have only been on this board for about 2 months and I appreciate you all SO MUCH !!!
Posted by Karen_kay on December 22, 2003, at 22:36:39
In reply to Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you, posted by Speaker on December 22, 2003, at 22:22:39
I needed a laugh, desperately. So, after reading your post I decided to go back and reread all of the posts again. I think we should vote on the worst behavior. I'm going to reread and cast my vote, though I think it will be close between Dinah and Miss Honey.... Hmmmmm...
Posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 1:20:21
In reply to Re: crappy comment...crappy observations...Dinah, posted by pegasus on December 22, 2003, at 12:26:17
He says it makes him feel incompetent sometimes, and while I feel a little bad about that . . . I don't feel TOO BAD. Sometimes he does screw up, and I think over time it has helped our relationship to point out the things he's done that annoyed me.
<<<He says it makes him feel incompetent when you write out your frustrations? Weird! Everyone gets frustrated during therapy and with their therapist. It doesn't mean that the therapist is incompetent. Strange that he feels that way. Next time he says that, put your chin on your hand and say, "Why do you feel that way?"
Of course, sometimes he gets defensive and doesn't see things the same way as me, which is really frustrating.<<<YES!!!! Do we see the same therapist? Oh, of course not, mine doesn't have a white board. If he ever pulled one out, I'd throw it at him. What is the deal with the white board anyway? It seems odd. I'd take it as an insult, like I was in a classroom. Condesending in a way. Do you see it that way? But, my therapist will say something and I am positive I know exactly what he means. Later, the following session, I'll question him about it and he'll become defensive. Oh, because he's the therapist obviously I'M the one who's confused. Everything that I remember from the conversation is from SELECTIVE memory, and I've put my own spin on things. And since I OBVIOUSLY have a faulty thought process, I'm wrong and he's right. END OF CONVERSATION. Let's move on. [HMMM... If you can't tell, I'm upset with him about something. Maybe the fact that he didn't tell me he was taking 2 weeks off, and he pressed me during the session.....Stupid therapist...]
But overall, I think it helps me to be able to point out his foibles. Sort of equalizes things, and keeps him on his toes. Does that make me hostile too? Probably.Probably not. It is possible that he isn't always perfect. And it is also possible that he doesn't get everything exactly right on the first try. My therapist is usually very open to criticism, especially during the session. Now, if it is later (like the next week) then we have problems. But, since he is often wrong :) I tend to prefer to think that I am right and he is wrong. It doesn't mean you are hostile because you point things out to him. I just sometimes wonder what they are thinking....
Posted by Bell_75 on December 23, 2003, at 5:15:59
In reply to Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you, posted by Speaker on December 22, 2003, at 22:22:39
> I have been catching up on the board and I sat and read all of this thread. I was laughing out loud and my husband came in to find out what was so funny :)...I shared the nose-picking, teeth-picking, peeing therapists I have read about. Thank you all for your candor! I do have a delima...my old T always asked if I wanted a hug before I left (after a year he just knew I did)...my new T shook my hand the first time and I have seen him 5 times and no touching...is this the norm for most of them??? He has also never told me how to get ahold of him if I have a problem in between sessions. Should I ask or wait until he offers the info. I have only been on this board for about 2 months and I appreciate you all SO MUCH !!!
Heheh glad we could make you laugh. It is hillarious some of the stuff I've read about that therapists have done, makes me wish mine was as amusing.
Also, when I read that your therapist used to ask you if you wanted a hug....*siiiigh*...I would absolutely love it if mine asked me that but I know its not going to happen. Sometimes when I'm so overwhelmed by my emotions the only thing that can bring me even the slightest relief is a hug. And after a really full on session I feel like hugging said T because I'm just so drained and exhausted and I feel like no one outside of that room would understand why I needed that hug because they werent there.
Hmm as for contact between sessions...I've often mentioned to my T that when something really bad has happened I've felt like ringing the office at the building he works in and asking to speak to him cause I've really needed to. He hasn't said anything about it so i dont know what his thoughts on it are but then i later discovered he is only there 2 days a week anyways and I see him on one of those. When I've had really extreme suicidal thoughts I've wanted to ring him and talk to him so he could talk me out of it because I'm scared but that fact that I've come through them without calling him makes me realise I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.
Anywho, I suggest if you think you need this info then to just bring it up one session and sort of inquire as to whether its okay for clients to ring him/her between sessions or if he has other clients that do.
He might suggest writing down the thoughts if thats what you're calling for, that helps me when I need to talk to him and I can't.
*hugs* Hope you have a great christmas, hun.
Posted by Speaker on December 23, 2003, at 8:12:32
In reply to Re: crappy comment.. » Karen_kay, posted by lookdownfish on December 20, 2003, at 14:15:19
Well, I think the crappiest comment was to Lookdownfish...and might I add the stupidist too!!! Sooooo. 1st vote goes to LOOKDOWNFISH :)
Posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 10:38:22
In reply to Vote on Best Crappy Comment, posted by Speaker on December 23, 2003, at 8:12:32
Sorry, I'm biased. My therapist gets the vote for crappiest comment :)
As for worst manners.... Has to be Dinah. (Here me out Dinah!!) Only because of my own transference issues towards my boyfriend. BTW, I told him about this and he SWEARS he never does this in public! Also, at least with Miss Honey, she didn't have the opportunity to SEE the offending (what's the word here???) bodily-produced-enigma.....
Posted by lookdownfish on December 23, 2003, at 11:01:22
In reply to Vote on Best Crappy Comment, posted by Speaker on December 23, 2003, at 8:12:32
Thanks Speaker! I vote for my T's crappy comment too! Nothing to do with my narcissistic personality :)
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 19:26:29
In reply to Re: Vote on Best Crappy Comment » Speaker, posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 10:38:22
May I present him with the giant booger trophy?
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 19:27:31
In reply to Re: Vote on Best Crappy Comment » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 19:26:29
And to think I wasn't going to give him anything for Christmas.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 20:32:47
In reply to Re: Vote on Best Crappy Comment, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2003, at 19:27:31
I'd suggest a box of tissues.... But, that's just me :)
Posted by arora73 on December 23, 2003, at 23:48:49
In reply to Therapy gripe, posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 15:08:39
AHHHHH i know exactly what you're talking about. I was in group therapy one time and i told the therapist that i didnt get along with my brother because he hit me and belittled me and that i didn't get along with my stepsister because she was immature and she goes "hmmm, i think the problem is that you are a very angry person at heart." I didn't even think that comment deserved a response. These therapists that are leafing through the textbooks as they talk to you are no help at all and just end up jumping to conclusions over the most trivial of things.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 24, 2003, at 10:49:40
In reply to Re: Therapy gripe, posted by arora73 on December 23, 2003, at 23:48:49
I hate to feel like my therapist is just reading from a text book. I'm a person! Not a list of characteristics from a text book. Sure, he can apply lessons learned from a text book, but he should try to be a bit more spontaneous and sly about it. I'm not dumb. I like to think that I can easily tell when he's reading in his mind the book that states, "When your client is feeling depressed, refer to page 213." And I swear I can see the pages flip in his mind. It is frustrating. I can't wait to see his face when I bring him the list of appropriate compliments. And he better use them. I only wonder if I will begin to question how genuine they are.... Certainly......
Posted by LostGirl on December 24, 2003, at 18:53:11
In reply to Re: crappy comment.. » Karen_kay, posted by lookdownfish on December 20, 2003, at 14:15:19
This reminds me of something with my former therapist. I told him a dream I had. In it I was in the hospital, on a table with doctors looking down at me discussing me. I had a deep gash and they were deciding if it pays to stitch it. One said if they stitch it there will always be a scar, and if they leave it alone it will heal and there will be a scar, so they didn't know if it paid to bother to treat it. I had been beginning to entertain termination at the time and told my therapist I thought it related to that, that whether I continue or not, the emotional wounds I have will always still be there. He said he thought maybe it was sexual and the wound was a vagina. This really surprised me. Why would a wound make him think of a vagina? I asked is he saying that because of the psychoanalytic premise that when a girl realizes boys have something she doesn't she thinks hers got cut off - does he think of women as mutilated men? He said no, but couldn't tell me what his interpretation would then be.
Posted by Dinah on December 25, 2003, at 13:03:26
In reply to Re: crappy comment.., posted by LostGirl on December 24, 2003, at 18:53:11
Oh, I'm beginning to be glad my therapist doesn't interpret my dreams. Of course, I don't report many dreams, and usually the meaning is self-evident.
One time he did interpret a dream to have sexual overtones, and once he did it was so *obvious* that I nearly died of embarassment.
I can't remember it all, but there were giant slugs all over the floor of my childhood home and they kept chasing me. They would get bigger and bigger as they grew a (hard) shell, then they would regurgitate a quantity of white cotton before returning to their earlier smaller size. Then it would happen again and again. I was standing on my bed screaming for my mother to come rescue me and furious that she wasn't protecting me.
And I didn't see the sexual symbolism in that dream. (BLUSH)
Posted by Camille Dumont on December 25, 2003, at 19:43:15
In reply to Re: crappy comment.. » LostGirl, posted by Dinah on December 25, 2003, at 13:03:26
While going through a psy-evaluation, in response to me telling him about suicidal thoughts and wanting to die, it looks intentely at me and goes :
"Thoughts like that are not normal you know ... "
DUH! It took all my willpower not to snap at him.
Posted by Dinah on December 25, 2003, at 19:56:52
In reply to Re: crappy comment from a psychiatrist, posted by Camille Dumont on December 25, 2003, at 19:43:15
Posted by tabitha on December 26, 2003, at 16:50:22
In reply to Re: crappy comment from a psychiatrist, posted by Camille Dumont on December 25, 2003, at 19:43:15
Wow, I got almost the exact same comment from an HMO psych once! She was doing this long questionnaire to evaluate me for meds.. and she asked if I had ever had thoughts of harming someone. At the time I was going through a really difficult situation with a neighbor who was noisy and kept using my parking space. Trying to resolve it with him just made it worse and I was at my wit's end. I said jokingly that the thought had crossed my mind of having my neighbor killed. I explained I wasn't seriously considering this, but the thought had crossed my mind. She looked at me sternly and said 'You do know that thought is NOT normal.'
Our docs must have read the same book.
Posted by jane d on December 26, 2003, at 19:42:21
In reply to Re: crappy comment from a psychiatrist » Camille Dumont, posted by tabitha on December 26, 2003, at 16:50:22
> I said jokingly that the thought had crossed my mind of having my neighbor killed. I explained I wasn't seriously considering this, but the thought had crossed my mind. She looked at me sternly and said 'You do know that thought is NOT normal.'
But did you tell her it involved a PARKING SPACE! It's completely normal where I come from.
Posted by tabitha on December 27, 2003, at 23:41:28
In reply to Re: crappy comment from a psychiatrist, posted by jane d on December 26, 2003, at 19:42:21
Posted by Joslynn on December 29, 2003, at 8:28:14
In reply to Re: LOL. The woman was just plain clueless. (nm) » jane d, posted by tabitha on December 27, 2003, at 23:41:28
I guess that pdocs, with their houses in suburbia and private driveways, do not understand the sacred nature of parking space etiquette, which people ignore at their own risk! I am usually a mild mannered person, but if someone lets their guests illegally park in our narrow little sliver of a lot, I will come banging on your door like the grim reaper!
On another note...my pdoc has said little things in the past that hurt or concerned me, but at that point in our "relationship," I was too afraid of abandonment to bring them up.
Then one time I did bring up some of my hurt/anger about a phone call mishap, and it actually had really good results, and he apologized and said it was his fault without even getting defensive.
So my question is, now that I am more brave with him based on that past incident, should I bring up the things in the past that hurt me, to practice being more assertive with men? Or should I just let that stay in the past and figure, new little annoying comments are sure to crop up that I can address in the present moment.
thanks.
Posted by naiad on December 29, 2003, at 8:51:44
In reply to annoying comments , posted by Joslynn on December 29, 2003, at 8:28:14
I don't give advice but I can tell you from my experience that bringing up old things is often confusing because the context is lost or muddled. I am working on knowing when I am offended because I almost always blame myself at first. I think I must have misunderstood. Then, when I reflect and start feeling rotten, I realize that, yes, I was hurt, angry, frustrated or whatever. So it seems as if I am always confronting the situation later and not when the offense occurred. I wonder if this is just an innate processing style or if I have a hard time discerning my feelings. Probably some of both.
So thanks for asking the question. Being assertive takes practice and a therapist is a perfect person to practice on. Good luck!
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