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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by dusty534 on July 22, 2004, at 11:11:31
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » Sinnielou, posted by corafree on July 22, 2004, at 10:50:39
Corafree, I'll be praying for you. It must be really hard missing your Dad...and being dissed by your family. Being depressed is hard enough for me w/o losing someone I love recently or being shunned by my family. My life's problems have all built up to the problems I have now.
I WAS on Effexor. I couldn't move...it had such a horrible effect on me. I got off of it slowly...and still had problems. But now I'm trying to deal with things. I really need to get back on something...but am scared to try something else because the next med might be just as bad for me as Effexor.
Keep going to your counselor...I hope that they are a Christian. Their help is what you need now. Keep writing, too. Get your feelings out...even tho you think that no one is listening. There are others who are where you are now...and we care!!!
Dusty
Posted by corafree on July 22, 2004, at 11:44:28
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by dusty534 on July 22, 2004, at 11:11:31
I feel like this site has led me to true friends, understanding I have an illness; not saying how can we help you when you don't help yourself, as my family of origin has said, since Dad passed away. Maybe he guided me to meet you here. You have helped to fill my 'empty heart' ... pretty mushy, but really true. Thanks ... wish you were here Dusty. Corafree
Posted by PoohBear on July 22, 2004, at 13:01:54
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » dusty534, posted by corafree on July 22, 2004, at 11:44:28
> I feel like this site has led me to true friends, understanding I have an illness; not saying how can we help you when you don't help yourself, as my family of origin has said, since Dad passed away. Maybe he guided me to meet you here. You have helped to fill my 'empty heart' ... pretty mushy, but really true. Thanks ... wish you were here Dusty. Corafree
Cora:
We're all here for you and I personally will pray that you get some emotional support sent your way.
It's very hard for family to "understand", given the prejudices that society at large has against mental illness. It really is a spooky subject full of millenia of taboos that cannot be easily washed away in a generation or two. It's like looking at people that slip away into Altzhiemer's: Were are they? Are they still "in there" somewhere? The questions involved deal with the very bedrock of who we really "are", ie, more than just flesh and blood.
Here's a link to another good book that may help answer some of the questions you're facing:
"The Purpose-Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?"
I myself have never attempted suicide, though I ideated about it constantly (before Effexor), which was scary enough. My sister-inlaw on the other hand, hung herself 5 1/2 years ago (her fourth attempt...) and we (her extended family) are still paying the price as we adopted her two teens and have had to raise them to adulthood, a process frought with pain of adjustment to a new life in a new culture for the kids and our family growing instantly from 3 to 5 for us...
Dealing with my own depression has given me sooooooo much empathy for those who are depressed and understanding for those who would contemplate ending their own lives. I can understand the kind of depression that leads to a hopeless tunnel vision where the goal of ending the immediate pain filters out any other consideration (like what happens to the survivors). I guess in a way that's ultimately the reason why I've never been able to conceive actually going through with suicide, because to me, deep down inside, it's the ultimate selfish act. That's just my opinion, I'm not dissing anyone else...
Ending one's life is just like a car wreck: one dies while everyone else in the car (the rest of the family) survives. And just like in a car accident, they survive, but only with scars and lots of questions, some more so than others, depending on their internal constitution.
Your family can't support you now; perhaps they will be able to in the future. You'll have to make your own life and reconnect with others who can support you, much like a plant that is transported from a nursery to someone's yard. The surroundings are different, but with enough sun, water and nutrients you'll put down roots and thrive. Right now you're root-bound, stifled by the tight "pot" you find yourself in. But even a root-bound plant can do well. It has to be unpotted and the roots scored with a knife before it's planted so that the roots will grow out, not in. You need to grow out.
I hope this all makes sense and is encouraging, as it's meant to be.
You are much loved, God bless...
Tony
Posted by starlight on July 22, 2004, at 13:12:21
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by lorily on July 22, 2004, at 8:50:06
I love effexor so far. It's helped my anxiety so much! I've been hypervigilant my entire life and finally feel like I can relax more. I know that people gripe about the withdrawl, but I experienced similar symptoms from withdrawing from Wellbutrin, so I'm not worried about it. Plus I like the fact that I've lost weight on it as well.
Good luck,
starlight
Posted by dusty534 on July 22, 2004, at 16:35:24
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » dusty534, posted by corafree on July 22, 2004, at 11:44:28
> I feel like this site has led me to true friends, understanding I have an illness; not saying how can we help you when you don't help yourself, as my family of origin has said, since Dad passed away. Maybe he guided me to meet you here. You have helped to fill my 'empty heart' ... pretty mushy, but really true. Thanks ... wish you were here Dusty. Corafree
I'm glad that I was able to help some Corafree. I think that Tony really had a lot of info about feelings. I hope that the folks here can give you even more help...and support.
Dusty
Posted by Leslie Elliott on July 23, 2004, at 5:53:59
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by lorily on July 22, 2004, at 8:50:06
> Leslie,
> If I had known of the side effects of Effexor, I would never have taken it. I must say that I am grateful I didn't know because Effexor enabled me to get my life together. Dealing with depression and being an active alcoholic is a Hell I hope to never return to. Only after taking Effexor, getting my depression under was the only way I could deal with my recovery. They went hand-in-hand for me. I refused ADs for a couple years, then finally agreed to take them (Effexor because I'd heard tremendous results from people I knew who took it) I never realized how depressed I was until I wasn't anymore!!!!!!!!!!! What freedom I have! I was able to handle everything else in my life. That began Feb 2003. Today, I am off effexor 8 days. I read all the horror stories and experienced some of the side effects myself. They are no picnic, but in my experience and based on my researching, the withdrawals can be managed or eliminated. 37.5 is a very low dose, Thats where I started, six months later I went up to 75. June 1 I went back to 37.5 and 5 weeks later began tapering the daily dose GRADUALLY. Took vitamins, took antihistamines, even tried dramamine. During the last week, I've had a cold which could be masking some symptoms, but all-in-all I'm doing well.
> I understand there's a new medication, Cymbalta I believe that does the same thing without the side effects. I don't know where it's available, but talk to your doctor. I personally would rather try that than return to effexor if the need arose. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!Thank you so much for responding, I've been so unsure about what to do, I will talk to my Doctor. I don't know why I'm so scared to take medication, but I'm almost 40 and have been going through this (depression/anxiety) for about the past 10 years, I almost turned to alcohol, but could not function literally, then everything turned inward and I thought I was dying, hypochondriac, I'm so glad I found this web site
Posted by Leslie Elliott on July 23, 2004, at 6:06:44
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by Leslie Elliott on July 23, 2004, at 5:53:59
Please, I am open for more advice. Thank you lorily for responding. If anyone would like to you can email me at LESLIESTOUT@hotmail.com
Still haven't decided what medication to take, what are AD's?
Posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 8:18:02
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by starlight on July 22, 2004, at 13:12:21
Do you think you lost weight because of the effexor or was it from not "eating to feel better"?
Either way, good for you! I'm just curious. I also began to lose some weight when I first took it, but I also had discontinued Depoprovera shots (the birth control one), got my thyroid leveled out, and felt good, was more active et cetera.
Now for the past almost 2 mos I stopped depakote (which does make you gain weight only because you're hungry all the time if you take the ER, half the time on reg dose and everything tastes so good) I'm totally off effexor 9 days now, been eating chocolate like crazy and have not gained an ounce!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 8:48:08
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » corafree, posted by PoohBear on July 22, 2004, at 13:01:54
I can relate to the "what about my survivors?" facet of contemplating suicide. That, and being afraid that I would just suffer more and not succeed stopped me. Once I actually got in the tub with a box-cutter type razor, but when I opened it , it was the serated edge type and I couldn't cu tmyself. My cat was up at the side of the tub and I looked at him and what I was doing and called 911.
When I was suicidal about 2 years ago I was trying to figure out how to get it done quick. My thoughts did not seem irrational at all but it always lead to how it would effect someone else. Of course my mom and immediate family were in there, but I somehow thought they'd understand or something. If I took a bottle of pills, what would it do to my landlords when they found me? I pictured the look on the driver's face of the truck I considered jumping in front of. Then, I thought of an acquaintance who had shown me her gun (which I wouldn't even touch at that time) and wondered how could I get her to do that again and somehow leave me in the room alone with it?
I'd snap to it, sort of and just put it off for another time when I had a better plan, then proceed to drink a pint or two of whiskey. Here I wanted to do it quickly, but was torturing myself poisoning myself and killing myself slowly with alcohol.
And still I did not think I should HAVE to take medication, except the trazadone to help with the insomnia.
Finally, one drunken night in a moment of clarity I called someone to come get me into a hospital or come over because I was afraid I was going to die of alcohol poisoning or go into a seizure. After she called back saying she'd be there in 10 mins, I passed out, woke up 12 hours later in the ER, alcohol poisoning I was at 500 level.
That was when I changed my life agreeing to Effexor. That was 1-1/2 years ago. Today I am free. I'm off meds totally just over a week and keeping a close eye on myself :)
Wow, I really have come a long way!!!!!!
Posted by Atticus on July 23, 2004, at 9:21:55
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 8:48:08
lorily,
It's interesting you should mention box-cutters. Unfortunately, the blade of mine wasn't serated, and it cut all too well. I just posted a poem on the Psycho-Babble Writing page called "Spots" that I hope anyone considering suicide will give a once-over before going any further and stepping over the line that I did. It's not only about my actual suicide attempt, but also the ways it has left me changed, for better and for worse, despite the fact I survived. The enormity of the action, seen with eyes that have been at least partially cleared by meds and therapy, leaves me shaky and astonished when I think about it. Sorry I don't know how the link thing works on this site yet, or I'd have put one to the poem in this message. Atticus
Posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 9:49:20
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » lorily, posted by Atticus on July 23, 2004, at 9:21:55
Thanks, Atticus. Towards the end of writing this my partner called and said how tired I sounded. I just explained that I had been writing something that I'd explain later. It takes alot out of you bringing it out again. I'm glad I found this site, I don't share much in meetings. It is shocking looking back like.."How could I have thought those things?" I have to remember that no matter how far away from that I am, I'm still sooooo close.
Posted by starlight on July 23, 2004, at 11:31:46
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by Leslie Elliott on July 23, 2004, at 6:06:44
You know, I have a hard time accepting that I need meds as well, and wish that I could do it on my own, especially because I'm very high functioning and recognize that I have a lot going for me. But when I look back through my life, I also recognize that throughout my childhood I suffered from major depression and just felt terrible about myself and life in general. Frankly, I just didn't want to be here. I always chalked it up to the fact that I was abused by my parents and rejected socially because I was too tall, awkward and overweight (which changed completely when I was in my early twenties - late bloomer), but it's hard to really blame it on that and I wonder if my chemistry is also responsible. Or maybe the abuse triggers the chemistry.
I play in a band and had a show last night. This was my second show after having been on effexor for about a month and a half - and it was great. The part I liked the most was that I had so much less anxiety than I normally do on the stage. It felt like home, which is how it should feel - a little bit of nervous energy, but it shouldn't feel overwhelming. I was so pleased with the result and am looking forward to playing more!
cheers,
starlight
Posted by starlight on July 23, 2004, at 11:42:49
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by starlight on July 23, 2004, at 11:31:46
I think it's really hard for the spiritual soul to live in the human body. The spiritual soul is used to limitless bliss, wisdom and light and then it enters this world and is squeezed into a physical body and it recalls the way it used to be. If it encounters pain, suffering and abuse later on, I think it longs to be free of all of this again. But - I also believe that a lot of us that suffer with this struggle are embued with tremendous gifts that we bring to the world, so our being here is needed for one reason or another. Maybe it's our compassion for others, or gifts like music, art, science, poetry or other things, but regardless it's painful for the spirit to be captured. But it also seems that if we remember that and connect to it, we can feel better about our earthly journey. In the end, we are only here for a tiny little miniscule antlike spot in eternity before we return to what we really are - energy. Connecting with that energy, through things like art, yoga, breathing, walking, writing, seems to help alot. Just remembering that we are all that energy - the whole earth is that energy, seems to help as well - just try to watch the journey like a movie, as it passes before your eyes, accepting all that you do and see - and hopefully the meds will enable us to feel better along the way. I hope that makes sense.
starlight
Posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 12:59:37
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by starlight on July 23, 2004, at 11:42:49
Starlight, that was truly beautiful. I've often thought along those lines, and it is comforting to believe there is something better to be striving for, makes the journey easier. Thanks.
Posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 13:02:46
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by starlight on July 23, 2004, at 11:31:46
Starlight I should have guessed you were a musician after your post about the spiritual soul being trapped in the physical body! :)
Posted by starlight on July 23, 2004, at 16:23:19
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? ? starlight, posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 13:02:46
There's a story about how the soul didn't want to enter the body at first, it had to be coaxed into it with music - I think it was a flute, or angels singing or something like that, but I recall specifically that it didn't want to be caged in a physical body, so far from its natural being. I think that's why I'm so attached to making/writing music - it's so much larger than us. And when I create or play with my band, it's even bigger - like four people jumping into a river of creative conciousness that's not bound by a physical body - takes me back to bliss.
starlight
Posted by Wil on July 23, 2004, at 23:33:43
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » dusty534, posted by corafree on July 22, 2004, at 11:44:28
Hello, I just started Effexor Xr 3 days ago. I started taking Zoloft (for only 10 days), but I was experiencing really bad side effects. I believe I have been depressed most of my life and have not trully been aware of it. It took the loss of a loved one to shove me into a deeper darkeness and from these depths and fail to see the light. I feel as if someone has been holding my head below murky water and I am finally beginning to drown. My anxiety is mostly gone. Specially when I keep busy. I have started to experience really bad, horrible dreams. Has anybody else experienced this?
My depression is slightly better, but I really do not know what to do. I am at a loss. Does Effexor XR really work?
Posted by pablo1 on July 24, 2004, at 0:26:44
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by Wil on July 23, 2004, at 23:33:43
Effexor definitely worked on anxiety for me. I wonder about your saying that keeping busy keeps the anxiety at bay though. My guess is that's not the ultimate goal but if it's a new thing for you, that's interesting to explore. Folks with ADD will call that hyperfocusing and it's a miracle cure thanks to the power of procrastination and hyperfocusing (joke).
Effexor totally eliminated my dreams but I've heard it can have the opposite effect as well. I concur about not knowing I was depressed all my life.
Posted by lorily on July 24, 2004, at 7:10:46
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by Wil on July 23, 2004, at 23:33:43
Wil, I gone into my experience with effexor in depth in my other posts. Short and Sweet Version:
EFFEXOR SAVED MY LIFE and enabled me to get my life together in other areas than depression.
Posted by corafree on July 24, 2004, at 15:51:10
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 8:48:08
Your messages are so helpful. Yes, I can identify with many of your thoughts, especially the one about people understanding. I think sometimes that my children know I am just not strong enough to go on and deserve peace. I called a crisis line two days ago and they sent out a team to talk with me. My only real support, my daughter, is going out of town and I'm getting scared. This team will help me get through the next few days or week. My counselor was notified and called me. She said that the next time I call the crisis line, ask them to talk me down. Where I was in my head was this quiet calm place where dying was playing over and over and over and over. I was so calm. That is what scared me. I know I have been unsuccessful in my past attempts, so feel capable of doing it right now. That scares me too. I'm okay today, Saturday. Took a couple day break from my computer. love cf
Posted by corafree on July 24, 2004, at 16:15:00
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by starlight on July 23, 2004, at 11:42:49
So many good writers here, such as you. I have a hard time getting a handle on my thoughts, but sometimes, if calm, can put them down. Yes we are missing the freedom we once had and I guess will always somewhat, but maybe you're right, that just knowing that, makes it easier to live on! Connecting here is very helpful. I am a higher functioning mentally ill person too, and shy away from some. Fear is hard on my spirit. Effexor-XR still working o.k. today....cf
Posted by lorily on July 24, 2004, at 17:40:49
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » lorily, posted by corafree on July 24, 2004, at 15:51:10
Corafree, It's a really good thing that you can take a look at your "calmness" and be afraid of it. I think fear is what sometimes just keeps us here. We know this. We know our pain, maybe not why it's there, but we know it. We don't know what's going to happen if we were to go through with the great escape. We don't know the pain it would cause others. And most importantly, we don't know about all the good things that are instore for us once we get through the pain. And, there ARE GOOD THINGS WAITING FOR US. If anyone had told me that back then, which they did, I'd not have believed them. Look where I am today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have missed out on all this. There is nothing on this earth that I can not overcome. Some things I would just have to deal with, there are things that could happen that I wouldn't be able to CHANGE, but I can deal with ANYTHING. I can't always do it on my own, like you, I need support for some things, but guess what? That's ok. And it's good that your support person is able to get away on a vacation, sure, you feel insecure about that but you have done what's good for you, you have other support available for you. That's progress, not a sign of weakness. Remember that. You are able to see that sometimes you can't do it alone and are not afraid to get that help you need and deserve. Good luck.
Posted by corafree on July 24, 2004, at 21:20:20
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » corafree, posted by lorily on July 24, 2004, at 17:40:49
Lorily - Thanks for your inspiration and insight. Just visited w/ some counselors that came to my home. We talked about alternatives when the thoughts keep resounding, when the doctors wait to hear the first word out of your mouth, and I've thought a lot about my daughter maybe needing me someday. Best wishes cf
Posted by Atticus on July 24, 2004, at 21:47:02
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR?, posted by Wil on July 23, 2004, at 23:33:43
I have been on Effexor XR about two months now, and while I think my dosage needs some fine-tuning at this point (it has started to fade in effectiveness toward the end of the day, leaving me jittery), overall this has really been an incredible med for me. Following eight years of disappointments and a real crash-and-burn early in June, it has turned my life around. I also have noticed the onset of incredibly vivid and stunningly intricate dreams since I started taking it, but they haven't been particularly nightmarish -- just exhausting. The same plotline, with a million complex twists, turns and challenges, seems to run all night long. It's a little like playing the hardest video game I've ever encountered for seven or eight straight hours, and I usually wake up drenched in sweat. Maybe there are frightening parts that I'm just not remembering. I'm not sure. This med definitely is screwing around with my REM sleep. In spite of that, though, I'd have to agree with lorily: the positives and gains have far outweighed any negatives at this point. Atticus
Posted by PoohBear on July 26, 2004, at 9:45:30
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? - Wil, posted by Atticus on July 24, 2004, at 21:47:02
> I have been on Effexor XR about two months now, and while I think my dosage needs some fine-tuning at this point (it has started to fade in effectiveness toward the end of the day, leaving me jittery), overall this has really been an incredible med for me. Following eight years of disappointments and a real crash-and-burn early in June, it has turned my life around. I also have noticed the onset of incredibly vivid and stunningly intricate dreams since I started taking it, but they haven't been particularly nightmarish -- just exhausting. The same plotline, with a million complex twists, turns and challenges, seems to run all night long. It's a little like playing the hardest video game I've ever encountered for seven or eight straight hours, and I usually wake up drenched in sweat. Maybe there are frightening parts that I'm just not remembering. I'm not sure. This med definitely is screwing around with my REM sleep. In spite of that, though, I'd have to agree with lorily: the positives and gains have far outweighed any negatives at this point. Atticus
Atticus:
Yes, you may need to play with the doseage; I did. However, just to let you know, some of what you're experiencing are normal side-effects of Effexor...
These include (and I've experienced each...):
- Extremely vivid technicolor dreams
- Night sweats
- Jitteriness/shakiness
- Orgasm or erectile dysfunction
- Dry mouth (cottom mouth)
- Extreme yawning/tiredness (all those dreams...)
- plus some that I've forgottenMy dreams have moderated somewhat, though I'd really prefer not to dream at all. I still get night sweats sometimes, though more infrequently than before. The erectile dysfunction (for males) is much better now, though Wellbutrin helped at the beginning. The dry mouth isn't as bad, but I still drink plenty of fluids. I don't yawn anymore like I did, etc.
I think you can see a pattern here: The side-effects tend to either go away or moderate with time.
My pDoc and I did, however, go on a 3 month side trip to find a good sleep med that didn't cause to many side-effects ( like Remeron that caused terrible weight gain). We finally managed to land on Seroquel at 100mg every night. I now can sleep through the night most nights or wake and go back to sleep, something I've never been able to do.
The biggest thing for me is that Effexor not only helps with the depression, but also help me to control my streaming thoughts.
There IS life after depression, or near misses like you experienced. Hang in there and continue on your road of improvement: it DOES get better.
Tony
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