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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 4667 to 4691 of 10407. Go back in thread:
Posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 13:30:51
In reply to Re: to Susy, personal, re local referral » Susy, posted by zinya on July 21, 2003, at 11:52:29
Zinya, regarding the "know about everything" comment Susy made. Take the compliment and run with it girl. One thing that I learned about co-depependents, is that it's hard for us to take compliments because we haven't thought about ourselves in such a long time.
Susy, I heard what you meant. Zinya has helped you so much with her knowledge and you were complimenting her. Zinya went the extra mile to help you with the counselor. That's why I included you, Z, in my original post to Susy.
Zinya, you don't come accross as a "know it all". The information you provide may be helpful to some and maybe not to others. We have a choice to read it or not to. I happen to read all the posts.....I'm addicted to this site, he he.
I personally want to reach into this computer and give you both a big hug. Losing your mom, having to deal with the house, I've been there and I still have boxes to unpack which are still in the garage. I moved last Sept. It's going to be a year and you know what, I'll get to it when I "feel" like it or when I'm "mentally healthy" enough. That's my attitude. Life is too short to waste being critical of ourselves. We've had a lifetime of people criticizing us. At least I have. NO MAS !
((((Hugs)))
Mercedes
Posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 13:45:35
In reply to Re: speaking of tuna, posted by Susy on July 20, 2003, at 23:10:42
Susy, you are probably right.
I'm not on any medication anymore but an occasional xanax and its been almost 3 years since the last time I tried to commit suicide.
I came to Babble because I was on Effexor and wanted to learn about it. I have had anxiety attacks and depression since I was four years old - and no matter what is going on in my life I'm not happy anyway, so I just try to deal with it.
It's been almost 20 years since I was raped by the two guys and I only have one panic attack a day instead of 4 or 5.
Its already been 7 years since I was married and used to get an occasional beating by my ex-husband.
I've had almost 4 years to get over having uteran cancer.
I've had 26 years since my best friend, my cousin Dale was killed in a car accident and 33 years since my two little best friends died in the fire next door to my house and my house caught on fire
BUT....I can't seem to get over these things, on top of the pain in my hands.
Thursday my town had something a micro burst tornados, etc. and its been declared a disaster area - but...we will get no help by insurance company or the governmen. WE lost a lot of material things, which is no biggie, but it was hard work.
My husband and son are gone until Wed and last night we had a storm and the water in my basement is up to my knees. I had power at least and my dog here for company but our sump pump broke and now i'm flooded and have nobody right now to help, so I'm tired and thought i'd catch up on posts in between bailing out the water.
Sorry about complaining when I know so many other people on here are having a worse time and worse things going on in there life, so the reason I was on here was because I thought I found some people that understood things I was going through.
The thoughts I have are way too crazy for Babble, its to the point I need to probably check in, having a house and husband and child even though they love you, doesn't always help.
I hope you do well Susy and everyone thanks for listening again.
Hugs, Cher
Posted by melley on July 21, 2003, at 13:59:11
In reply to Effexor to Lexapro? » bookgurl99, posted by KimberlyDi on July 21, 2003, at 10:04:21
> I was going to switch to Lexapro until I started tapering off the Effexor. I immediately missed the relief from anxiety and decided to stick with Effexor, which apparently is working for me. I wasn't willing to leave a good thing for a month-long ordeal to wait for Lexapro to kick in, if it even would work for me.
>
> But that's my individual experience.
>I have heard a few other things about lexapro. I am now completely off everything but will have to decide in a month what to go on. Lexapro sounds like it could be more side effect free.
mel
> Keep us posted on what you do. KDi in Texas
>
> > > Are you planning on staying with 37.5mg, is this what your doctor prescribed? I'm curious because my doctor prescribed me a low dose, 37.5mg for mild anxiety. I've been taking it for about 3 weeks now and the sleepy dizzy feeling went away for me in about 2 weeks. The reason I'm so curious is because 37.5mg is usually what you start with for 5 days and then go to 75mg. I would like to know what input you got from your doctor about taking just 37.5mg for anxiety.
> >
> > Theo,
> >
> > My dr. is planning to bump me up to 70 mgs after I get used to the 37.5 mgs. I'm tempted to quit it for Lexapro, though.
> >
> > books
>
>
Posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 14:05:04
In reply to more on BAM » mercedes, posted by bookgurl99 on July 20, 2003, at 14:23:58
Books, I didn't mean to sound like you should go off effexor. Hope you spoke to your doc first. Anyway, how you doing on Lexapro. Reason I ask is that I have a sample packet my pdoc prescribed for me and haven't taken it yet, scared to mix. Actually I did take half of a 10 mg. tablet on two nights. This is when my head was hurting so much after my attack that I felt like it increased my headache. I see my pdoc today and will confess that I didn't follow up on taking lex.
Most important I want to ask him about BAM, see if he's heard about it. I've printed out some info from the site you gave me. I will let you know.
I wish we could talk more about BAM thru email as it is not necessarily related to effexor. Also, I can't seem to grasp posting to the Forum 2000 site yet. Maybe you have some tips. My email address is cat777lina@aol.com. I also relate to feelings of not being as smart as I used to be. I think this is BAM related, not anx. PTSD or Dep.
pls write,
mercedes> Hi Mercedes,
>
> Thanks for cluing me in. I stopped taking the Effexor today. I am feeling a little better. It's fascinating; it stopped my daily optical migraines cold but seemed to have allowed or provoked BAMS -- or maybe the stress I'm having over it would have overridden anything. But, I'm better off the Effexor.
>
> Oh, well.
>
> I'm going to try Lexapro. My dr. wants me to try Depakote, but I am freaked out about Depakote and feeling drugged. I will give Lex a good two weeks before throwing in the towel.
>
> I'm also going to ask if I can try an oxygen condenser to prevent damage during the attacks. (The dr. said he would not call it 'damage,' but it feels like damage, no?)
>
> The good thing is, I'm seeing a sleep clinic dr. for possible sleep apnea in August. So, if I get dx'd with that, I may be able to get insurance to pay for an oxygen condenser for apnea, and then use it during the migraine attacks.
>
> Right now I feel like my big challenge is not getting so stressed out that I make myself sick. I'm trying to change my life, but my anxiety level is so high I'm almost paralyzed to act.
>
Posted by willie on July 21, 2003, at 14:05:34
In reply to Re: Babble » Susy, posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 13:45:35
Hi Cher..I just read your posting. I'm sorry to hear everything you've been through. Sometimes you must wonder if God is testing you to see how strong you can be.
How long have you been on Effexor? What dosage are you on? Are you getting councelling?You said sometimes the love of your husband and son are not enough. It may be because you don't love yourself so you feel that no one could possibly love you. Something I picked up in my councelling.
My heart goes out to you Cher. We are all here for you (although I bet you'd rather we were all there for you with a few extra buckets....I hope that made you smile a bit). If we could be there a lot of us would be.
I'll be watching for your postings to see how you are..
My thoughts are with you...Willie
Posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 14:26:19
In reply to Re: Hey Cher, posted by willie on July 21, 2003, at 14:05:34
Thanks Willie, If I could stop crying long enough to take some xanax i would. I am not on effexor xr any longer - I couldn't handle the side effects.
The sun was out - my basement water is down to my ankles and another storm is coming in and its lightening out right now - it took 10 minutes to roll in - I'm so hating Illinois right now.
By the time my husband and son come back the water will be up to the next floor if it rains too much anymore.
Must go - we have no sump pump and no money for one so I am have to bucket out into the street.
Thanks for your kind words.
Hugs, Cher
Posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 14:37:14
In reply to Re: Babble » Susy, posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 13:45:35
Cher, I can't imagine what you are going through. I just managed to vacume yesterday and that was a chore in itself. I too wish I had my bucket there to help you too, like Willie.
I'm glad you shared a little about yourself. I've been wanting to ask you, but didn't know how to ask you. I know it's painful to bring all those memories out but as for me, it's helping to share with all the babbler's here. And the responses are so helpful.
I want you to continue to write as long as it's not too painful on your hands. You are my inspiration to keep on going and eventually off med's altogether, which is where you are now. If I ever get off meds., I'd like to continue helping others that are going through what I went through/going through.
I remember my first therapist saying to me "You'll get through it but you probably won't ever get over it". I thought then, "then why am I here?" But I have found it to be true. That's why we are survivors.
I still can't imagine you there alone, being flooded and how you're coping. Keep us updated ok. Guess I shouldn't complain about the dry heat here....over 100 degrees these past couple weeks.
Take care,
mercedes
Posted by JME on July 21, 2003, at 14:41:49
In reply to Re: Effexor to Lexapro? » KimberlyDi, posted by melley on July 21, 2003, at 13:59:11
I'm a 39 year old male who doesn't remember a life without being depressed. After years of dealing with my problem through isolation, I finally sought help after my depression became so bad while dealing with the break up of a long term relationship.I started out with Lexipro in Febuary and saw some improvement. However I had horrible sexual side effects, it was almost impossible to ejaculate, and then after a minimal relief the Lexipro became less and less effective. My doctor then put me on Wellbutrin SR, and began to wean me off of the Lexipro. After about 4 weeks I stopped the Lexipro and went up to a dose of 300mg of the Wellbutrin. Within two weeks I became severly depressed and began entertaining thoughts of suicide. I went this morning and my doctor gave me a start up pack of Effexor XR. I'm starting with the small dose while continuing the Wellbutrin at a smaller dose, 150mg once a day. I only hope and pray that Effexor gives me the relief I so badly seek.
Posted by willie on July 21, 2003, at 14:58:41
In reply to Re: Starting Effexor , posted by JME on July 21, 2003, at 14:41:49
Hey JME...just wanted to let you know that I experienced some sexual disfunction when I first began taking effexor. Don't get too frustrated okay? It took about 4 weeks for me to have sexual sensation and even then it took a long time to experience an orgasm. It was probably around 6 weeks before I was back to where I was in that respect.Give it some time as I'm sure it differs for everyone and pending on the dosage you're on. Keep talking to us all...we'll do what we can to help you through it.
Take care...Willie
Posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 15:01:45
In reply to Re: speaking of tuna, posted by Susy on July 20, 2003, at 23:10:42
Cher....yea, when I read the comment, I too thought it was odd. As S has said before, her english is not too good. I beleive what she meant was that after all the things you are going through, flood, bailing water, pain in your hands, she couldn't believe how you had the energy or should I say, "caring" enough to still try helping others on pbabble.
I'm bilingual english/spanish and know how easily one can say one thing but mean another. My first language was spanish. Didn't start english till kindergarten yet was born in the USA.
I'm glad for one thing though, it made you talk about yourself and what you have gone through which as I said in previous note, I was afraid to ask you. So keep on babbling!!!! Our ears/eyes are waiting.
Luv & support to all!
mercedes
Posted by zinya on July 21, 2003, at 15:27:47
In reply to Re: to Zinya Susy » zinya, posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 13:30:51
Hi Mercedes and Susy,
thanks for your responses. I didn't want to assume one way or the other but just wanted to make sure that i hadn't come across wrong, and i'm grateful to hear you don't hear me that way. It's not just a potentially ambiguous comment like that but it can sometimes just be something inside me (like if/when no one responds to a post, say) which sometimes makes me a bit paranoid, worried that i've come across too strong or offensive. That 'voice' in me isn't dominant but it *is* there and especially if i'm in a down phase, it can rear its head and make me wonder. I didn't really think Susy meant that -- because heavens you've been so gracious, Susy -- but just wanted to make sure.
Mercedes is right in that sense that i can not be sure or comfortable with how others are perceiving me until much much time has passed. I have a handful of friends who are so precious they are like soulmate sisters (and at times in my life, soulmate brothers too) with whom i have no such qualms, we understand each other implicitly and fully. But i've had many times in my life of being so misunderstood or misrepresented that there is a kernel that lingers of uncertainty.
I totally agree with everything you say, mercedes, and i try to apply that but it is often an 'easier said than done' kind of thing.
Anyway, not wanting to belabor this more than is warranted, but thanking you for your reassurances, both of you. I know that when i write, i tend to write rather "fully" what's in my mind/heart and it makes for posts that i'm sure are too long for some, which is okay, as you say.
{{{{{{hugs back to you both}}}}}}}
> Zinya, regarding the "know about everything" comment Susy made. Take the compliment and run with it girl. One thing that I learned about co-depependents, is that it's hard for us to take compliments because we haven't thought about ourselves in such a long time.
>
> Susy, I heard what you meant. Zinya has helped you so much with her knowledge and you were complimenting her. Zinya went the extra mile to help you with the counselor. That's why I included you, Z, in my original post to Susy.
>
> Zinya, you don't come accross as a "know it all". The information you provide may be helpful to some and maybe not to others. We have a choice to read it or not to. I happen to read all the posts.....I'm addicted to this site, he he.
>
> I personally want to reach into this computer and give you both a big hug. Losing your mom, having to deal with the house, I've been there and I still have boxes to unpack which are still in the garage. I moved last Sept. It's going to be a year and you know what, I'll get to it when I "feel" like it or when I'm "mentally healthy" enough. That's my attitude. Life is too short to waste being critical of ourselves. We've had a lifetime of people criticizing us. At least I have. NO MAS !
>
> ((((Hugs)))
> Mercedes
>
Posted by KimberlyDi on July 21, 2003, at 15:31:50
In reply to Re: PLEASE GIVE ADVICE, posted by Susy on July 21, 2003, at 9:58:55
It almost makes me laugh when someone refers to me as strong. Me? I was hospitalized the summer of 2002, and hospitalized twice before that. My road to recovery has been a long one. I feel that my entire 20's and early 30's were wasted. If I were to have a AD political platform of sorts, it would be simple. 2 things: 1) depression is a life-threatening disease, hit it with everything you can. AD's, doctors, therapy, support groups, psycho-babble and family/friends. 2) be pro-active in your treatment. All great journey's begin with a single step. Be it a single to-do item on a list, or a mental determination that "making my bed this morning" is my first step to taking back my life. This worked for me, when I was jobless, homeless, and about to lose custody of my son. I've been there. Suicidal and overwhelmed, feeling like I was worth less than dogpoop.
I made the most achievement during 13 years of failures in the past few months. Thanks to Effexor. So I'm not strong. I'm just extremely lucky to be alive and content. So please forgive me if I get overzealous in my posts. Some of those posts make me cry. I want to rip off those "depression blinders" and point to the top of the hill. I made it to the top, you can too. It may just be a rest stop, before another climb begins, but it will get better.
However long their battle takes, I wish EVERYONE the best.
KDi in Texas
> Hi KDI in Texas, I was reading your post, and I think that you are very healthy. I mean, if you do want to get out of your house and work or do a lot of other things is because you feel you have the strenght to do them! For most of us, it is the opposite, I don't know if you understand this, but when you feel depressed and you have to deal with anxiety everyday you start having a lack of energy and litle by litle the only one thing you feel comfortable with is staying home.
> I am still trying to find out how did I do before to take care of my kids,clean my home, cook, and still work, because that is what I did for 18 years. Now, living with this anxiety; sometimes it is a big deal even to go to the beach with them.
> If you have everything you need to make it, go ahead and make it! Hire a babysitter, and find a job you like, or volunteer in programs, maybe that is exactly what you need to feel yourself again. Hugs, Susy
Posted by zinya on July 21, 2003, at 15:41:41
In reply to Re: Babble » Susy, posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 13:45:35
Ohhhhhh, Cher!!
NOOO. You BELONG here each and every time you can rally your hands and your spirits to write. I only miss not hearing from you more, but I know you have to monitor how much and how often you write, and I don't want you hurting yourself on our behalf. But please know how much we want to hear from you when you can.
I think Susy just meant she couldn't imagine how you have the energy you *do* manage somehow to conjure up with all that you are coping with... And now to learn these horrible consequences of tornadoes and storms to boot. Cher, my heart goes out to you. Dear Cher... My gosh... You are incredibly brave.
But I know (i think, or i have a sense) that you must be feeling TOTALLY overwhelmed and probably not feeling brave at all. If I were you, I'd not only be wanting to just sit down and cry (if it didn't mean being soaked to my waist!)...
Cher, please know that i'm here anytime you want to talk as well... There are no words really for wanting to convey to you just how much my thoughts and feelings are with you, how important you are to us here, and how much i'm hugging you through cyberspace...
love and {{{{bear hugs}}}}
zinya
Posted by catwomen on July 21, 2003, at 15:53:27
In reply to Re: Babble » CherC68, posted by zinya on July 21, 2003, at 15:41:41
I am considering going off my effexor xr because me and my husband want to have a baby. I am scared to death of the withdrawl. I tried one time and could not take the anxiety.
Posted by KimberlyDi on July 21, 2003, at 16:03:20
In reply to Are we all Pleasers w/men who are Controllers?, posted by Yankeegirl on July 21, 2003, at 11:05:37
YankeeGirl,
You seem remarkably self-aware of what's bothering you for someone that hasn't been to counseling yet. That's a plus. I am with a Controlling man. We work together, carpool together, live together, sleep together. I insist on taking my baths alone. My husband was the main force driving me to treatment. Fear. The weaker I am, the more abusive he gets. I had to get my act together to protect myself. He's not sure what to think about the new me.
KDi in Texas> I've been on Effexor for about 4 weeks, but haven't had any counseling from the physchiatrist yet, and I go over the phych testing tomorrow, so I haven't had a chance to talk about my issues yet. When my child graduated high school in 2000 I thought "now I'll have more time to..." and I could not remember for the life of me what it was I used to like to do. Last month my baby graduated and I think my reaction was "I spent 24 years raising them, did a great job in spite of how stressful and overwhelming it was, and now can collapse. One afternoon, I was distraught and agonizing and crying over the thought of having to make dinner. When I added that to the realization that I had no identity anymore, that I had gradually given up pieces of myself to make my husband happy, who critized everything I ever did, that is when I realized I needed help. I've been reading a book by Dr. Kevin Leman called "The Pleasers - Women Who Can't Say No - And the Men Who Control Them (sorry Dr. Bob I don't know how to do that highlighting thing). This post is long enough without going into more details. I'm wondering ---- how many of you see yourselves in this same situation with a controlling man????? Yankeegirl
Posted by KimberlyDi on July 21, 2003, at 16:21:33
In reply to Re: Hey Willie...thanks for sharing » willie, posted by mercedes on July 21, 2003, at 12:04:30
Co-dependents anonymous is a wonderful group (when you can find them). Except my husband doesn't like me to go because he's afraid they are teaching me to "not need him". It's about defining yourself, without being a chameleon to your significant other. Setting boundaries, to know you have the right to say "no" when you are uncomfortable. Teaching you how to express your needs and wants instead of suffering in silence. I've heard that Al-Anon is very close to the same. Alot of us are caregivers to others without ever taking care of ourselves.
Sorry for rambling! I'm a posting fool today.
KDi in Texas
Posted by Susy on July 21, 2003, at 17:27:42
In reply to Re: Babble » Susy, posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 13:45:35
Oh God, I don't know where to begin.....it is not just to know the words in english but how to put them together hu?
I will ask you all to plese be patient with me, I am very happy at he babble, but I see I am causing some misunderstandings for the way I explain the things.....I am so sorry for that.
Zinya, for us, in my language, when we ask somebody for something we don't have any clue about...we say, oh, tell me, you know everything about this, or that,....meaning and I don't, so please help me understand......another mistake I make it is that sometimes I am in a hurry and that day I was very excited about my new findings with the Dr., and believe me Zinya you were the first person who came to my mind to tell the news.
Cher, once again, trying to make it short when I wrote what I was trying to say it was that right now I can not do not even the half of what you do;
it was a kind of a compliment for your courage, your words have always helped me since I am on the Babble.
So once again, sorry for the misunderstandings.
I am going to try to be more clear even if I have to write more =)
I love you girlsSusy (Yeaph, from Spain, like Antonio Banderas )
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 21, 2003, at 17:38:51
In reply to Are we all Pleasers w/men who are Controllers?, posted by Yankeegirl on July 21, 2003, at 11:05:37
> I've been reading a book by Dr. Kevin Leman called "The Pleasers - Women Who Can't Say No - And the Men Who Control Them (sorry Dr. Bob I don't know how to do that highlighting thing).
How to do the highlighting thing:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
Thanks! :-)
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 21, 2003, at 17:45:19
In reply to norepineph. To SLS or Larry Hoover or St. James, posted by zinya on July 21, 2003, at 12:48:08
> hi noa,
>
> i wasn't sure if maybe you were a monitor...She isn't, for those who are, see:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#deputies
> I wrote a post once to Dr. Bob for confirmation but a monitor answered saying I'd have to get the answers in "the monograph" allegedly somewhere on the site but I couldn't find a monograph. I wrote back asking for a site address and never got an answer.
Sorry about that, I'm not sure what they meant, but maybe it was the Venlafaxine FAQ by Ivan Goldberg?
http://www.dr-bob.org/tips/venlafaxine.html
Bob
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 21, 2003, at 18:08:02
In reply to Re: Effexor XR -- sleepy, dizzy » bookgurl99, posted by mercedes on July 20, 2003, at 0:53:47
Mercedes--
Hey I just saw my general md today. He explained that 'permanent damage' from hemiplegic migraines is incredibly rare; it's more like drinking a lot -- if you can stop it, everything comes back.
Anyways, just thought I'd let you know of some things we're doing:
1. starting on lexapro. this is because ssri's can help stabilize your brain chemistry. switching meds, btw, has always made them worse.
2. verapamil, a calcium channel blocker, 3 x, day.
3. if i feel an attack coming on, try alka seltzer, just plain old alka seltzer in water. he said for some reason it can work.
4. if not, have a xanax. (maybe to help relax everything?)
5. if xanax doesn't work, have a fioronal(sp?), a relaxing barbituate.
whoosh! i feel like a walking chemistry project.
i'm also working on stress relief/exercise/yoga all that good stuff. spent most of the day feeling weird but am starting to feel better after an alka seltzer and xanax. :D
books
Posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 18:51:41
In reply to Re: Feel so sorry, posted by Susy on July 21, 2003, at 17:27:42
Dear Susy, Mercedes, Kimberly, Zinya and Nyia and Willie and heck everyone....
Susy, please don't worry about your English - it's fine. I'm just very sensitive and compared to most of you - I'm just a baby.
The first day of the bad storm and the flooding - I was the strong one, as per usual. The next day my mother called and all I did was listen to her cuss & moan and groan about her phone line not working properly. My basement is flooding, I have no electric no phone just a cell phone - I lost all my food in the fridge & all my meat, I lost paper towels from Sams Club, Toilet paper, dog food, cat litter, etc. but I listened to my mother rag non-stop about her phone. I don't want to be like my mother. I know it seems like i'm complaining - but I have no where else at the moment to go.
The sun came back out and I was talking to a neighbor between bailing - and he suggested I should go for a swim in between. Its the only pleasure in life I seem to have anymore. I cleaned the pool and the motor burnt out. The pool was installed May 15th this YEAR!
I feel like Nyia with the bills now, I'm late on things because of my husbands continuing travel (we have to pay out of our own pocket) and the reimbursements are taking 3-4 weeks, so now I'm late on almost all my bills. We should have never taken out the loan for the roof, windows, fence, trees out and the pool. I grew up very very poor - neither parents working (my dad off for two years - and I paid the mortgage from the age of 16 until I was almost 20. Got married early and was in an abusive situation.
I don't know how I wake up everyday - sometimes I wake up and say to myself - damn I'm still here. There has to be more to life than constant negativity, constant stress & anxiety, constant pain, constant unhappiness.
I do what I do because if I don't who the hell would? I have a 13 year old, had almost died when I was sick a few years ago and had a hysterectomy & radiation and almost died and was so pissed that I took 60 muscle relaxers a few months later when I was recovering. I realized that wanting another child and not being able to and here I just took 60 muscle relaxers. I took ipecac LOTS OF IT - and threw it up. I tried jumping out a window once - I burnt my wrist with a cigarrette without flinching a while ago and got down almost to the bone in my wrist and I felt nothing.
So I'm barely making it. I don't want to get up in the morning - i don't want to leave my house - I don't want to laugh, love, swim, nothing - I do EVERYTHING like I am a machine.
I have a child - that if I took my own life, it would probably take his. My son is so sensitive to me, that it would ruin his life and chances are good that he would end up ending his own life because of it. That's why I'm here. Not cause I want to be - but because I have to be.
I am very strong, everyone says it - but..I'm losing my grip. A few hours ago when I found out the motor burnt out, and my basement is still flooded I started laughing - hysterically - I laughed so hard and crying - I laughed without stopping for an hour and my husband called from MO and I couldn't stop laughing. I wanted to call the paramedics but my husband told me not too. He did say that if I commit myself he would get me out - and he wouldn't let them put me away or keep me there.
I'm torn - I need to be committed I know this - shit I know this for a fact, but I take care of everything in this house - bills, cleaning, cooking - cats, dog, everything - I cannot do it to them, but I can't do this anymore - i cannot go around with the crazy thoughts and depression and handle every friggin thing no more - i'm losing it.
My best friend stopped by out of the blue (well I thought it was cause she knew I was in need of help with the water. I was on the phone with my husband laughing like a lunatic. Well....she wanted to burn a CD. She was here yesterday for a little bit with a "new friend" and wanted to swim and said she was going to come back and spend the night because of the storm - but she didn't and didn't bother calling. Her and her friend ate the dinner I prepared and that's that! Got to love it when your best friend is on her "Manic High". Everything is yeah great - woohoo.
MY internist is not at my clinic any longer -and the Clinic has no PDoc's so I'm still looking for one in my insurance coverage...going to the hospital seems likes such an easier solultion.
Well, my frantic husband just called right now, and I have to be okay to talk to him. No more hysterical laughter, thanks for listening again - and I wish I could give advise or help others on here - maybe I should just do a blog and talk to myself (i'm getting good at talking to myself cause most of the time I'm alone anyhow.)
Thanks again, (and no i'm not doing anything rash or hurting myself).
Love, Cher
Posted by willie on July 21, 2003, at 19:31:24
In reply to Re: Feel so sorry » Susy, posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 18:51:41
Hey Cher...I've been on line hoping to hear from you again. I'm up in Ontario, Canada and we're currently under a severe storm warning...probably the tip of the storm that went through Illinois earlier today.
I'm really concerned about you..you can't go on like this. I understand that you want to be strong for your family but you also need to be strong for you.
I'm the "strong" one in my family. I know what it can be like for others to pile their stressors on you while you have your own to deal with.
The fact that you don't want to laugh or love reveals to me that your depression is at rock bottom. I don't think I've ever come to that point.
I know you feel that you can't seek the treatment you desperately need (commiting yourself) but please keep talking to us and any counsellor you may be seeing. I'll look for your postings every day...
Lean on us...let us be the strong one for you to rely on...
Sending a huge hug from Canada
Willie
Posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 19:42:47
In reply to Re: Hey Cher, posted by willie on July 21, 2003, at 19:31:24
Willie, I just talked to my husband and I'm doing a bit better. He knows that I do everything and its getting harder by the day.
I'm close to rock bottom - hey - i may not take crap from anyone anymore and I'm strong that way - but....inside man - i don't know.
I took a xanax earlier - that's the only meds I'm on - the wellbutrin made my hands and feet hurt more than they already did so I stopped.
My biggest problem is I'm not seeing a therapist - they have them at the clinic - but the clinic suggested I needed a pdoc first - so - Zinya and everyone on here has been my sounding board.
For me it seems to be easier to type this out than sitting and talking with someone about the crap in my head. That's why I keep thinking a blog would be better for me, but like I said - I read the posts and if I feel I have something helpful to say I say it - but lately I been taking more from babble than giving and I'm sorry.
I will make it through this night and tomorrow night and tomorrow I will do double duty to find a pdoc & therapist.
Thanks Willie I'm feeling more self-control right now. I wish the crazy thoughts like - "ram your head into the wall - I bet you won't feel it" - that's sick - but that's what I feel in my head.
The song by The Wallflowers "I started a Joke" - from the movie Zoolander is playing in my head NON-STOP - since Saturday afternoon. That's sort of how I feel now.
Well, time to now start bleaching my basement. I will work only 1/2 hour and I think I'm going to take dog for a walk and go to bed.
Again, Willie thank you so much for caring - and I hope you and everyone has a peaceful, happy, anxiety free night!
Love, Cher
Posted by willie on July 21, 2003, at 19:49:55
In reply to Re: Thanks again » willie, posted by CherC68 on July 21, 2003, at 19:42:47
I'll sleep easier knowing you're feeling a bit better. I'll talk to you tomorrow...Willie
Posted by chris3 on July 21, 2003, at 20:34:06
In reply to PLEASE GIVE ADVICE, posted by tmgirl on July 19, 2003, at 0:17:48
I too just started Effexor (37.5 started today, go to 75 next week). I am now worried after reading these posts and browsing a lot of sites about Effexor. I was on Prozac last year and I felt it helped a lot but then I lost my job and all this other stuff and started getting depressed again so I went back to the doctor and she prescribed Effexor. At the same time, I also was going in about impotence and I notice that is one of the side effects for Effexor. Am I making a mistake taking this stuff or what?
I am trying to gauge the seriousness of the side effects. How bad is the impotence and antiorgasm (or whatever)? I'm thinking about going back to the doctor and changing my prescription. The headaches and addiction and sexual problems I think will only make my depression that much worse.
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