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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by zinya on June 19, 2003, at 0:38:24
In reply to Re: PDoc -Argh! » NThompson, posted by CherC68 on June 18, 2003, at 21:58:08
Dear Cher!
I'm so concerned for you, my goodness. I sent you an e-mail some hours ago, I hope you got it....
I get the impression in this post that you feel like you're spiralling. Please reach out when and however you wish or need, any time. I hear you making yourself feel guilty for not being joyful, punishing yourself for not "being yourself" in the face of loving family and "things" and situations which our whole society subconsciously or consciously teaches us to equate with "having arrived" or "reasons to feel good." But the thing about depression [if I may be so bold given how new i am to even beginning to process all this and stop my own half-hearted, abortive prior attempts and procrastinating and finally take it really seriously] is that (among other things) it is absolutely not rational, it's not about things that "make sense" or feelings that seem rational or justified. Depression doesn't care about such stuff. In fact, it seems like such stuff just makes the depression more overwhelming or suffocating if we let the guilt compound it.
I know you've been wondering (at least until the past week) if in fact it was more transitory depression you were dealing with, one that didn't mean needing medical treatment -- and that still could be true. But either way, whether it's something biochemical or hormonal or more transitory, I want so much for you not to lay guilt on yourself for thinking you "should" be happier or you "should" be whatever. Applying this is easier said than done, but i learned some years ago to treat the word "should" like a red flag, to train my ears to perk up and think "Uh oh! Danger signal... Beware of the "shoulds." Especially about feelings. There's no such thing as how you "should" be feeling. Those internalized messages we all have (I shouldn't be afraid; I should be happy) just make us dysfunctional i think. And the friends who can't stop saying "you should this" and "you should that" are the friends i'm staying away from now. Hard enough just telling my own "shoulds" to get lost.
You are where you are, and there are reasons why you are depressed even if you can't see them now. They may be emotional, they may be psychological, they may be physiological (either biochem like serotonin or maybe hormonal or both) or probably some of all of the above, or more. But I hear you telling yourself your depression is "unreasonable" and that is something I wish I could massage out of your system, that guilt or self-chastisement. I know that that is part of the depression itself, so please know i'm *not* -- heaven forbid -- chastising you for feeling guilty!! or for chastising yourself! and i do understand your doing this (if i'm not totally off target in what i hear), but just know that, for what it's worth, there's somebody out here who thinks you're being way way way too hard on yourself. (This is me the pot calling the kettle -- How many times have my friends said this very thing to me, how hard i am on myself. So it feels a bit like Who'm I kidding? to be saying this to you, but always easier said than done...
In such a short time, I've already come to care so much how you are doing and care about you. Please know i'm thinking of you, sending my best peaceful vibes. I know your hands are hurting and I don't want to urge anything painful, but do send word when you can, even short words :)
with warm hugs,
zinya
Posted by NThompson on June 19, 2003, at 0:52:38
In reply to Re: PDoc -Argh! » NThompson, posted by CherC68 on June 18, 2003, at 21:58:08
Hey Cher,
You know, I grew up on a farm and I like more of the "Simple" things in life. So having the brand new "big " house and all the fringe benefits that goes along with it, well that would just scare the living hell out of me! Unfortunately, the bigger house usually means a bigger house payment. Fancy car...big payment. I would freak out. I already have anxiety attacks will the bills I have and hell, my house we bought 4 1/2 years ago and paid only $119,000.00 (which I do freak out about the mortgage payment a whole $917.00 a month!). I just found out that the same house down the street is selling for $278,500.00!!!!! Talk about equity! But what I am getting at is I think the anxiety will show up in strange ways. You are use to not having the money to do things right? A crappy apartment you said and being a single mom probably meant that the rent was on the more inexpensive, but still having a tight budget meant you stressed out about it. So your situation has changed and you see the money that you're putting out for things, house, windows, pool etc... Maybe your mind is still programed that your broke and you are getting the anxiety attacks over it.
There is this song from Teri Clark called "I liked it better when we had it bad" she liked her life better when they were flat broke and all they had was a burning love. Money is not the key to happiness. It does help having it, but having things doesn't cover up the depression.
If you get yourself the right meds and help, you will find that you will start feeling better. Learn to love you first, then when that happens it won't bother you if your a Legal Sec. or a wai tress. Because you will be happy with your life. And my opinion on working part-time, that is great if you can do it! You have a 13 year old son, he's entering the teen years, he is going to need you to be there for him and know what he is doing. Who, what, where, why and what time. He'll grow up to be a better man for it. You showing him values and giving him your time... that is the most precious thing you could
ever give him!As far as your husband is concerned, aren't they great when you've married the right one. They will stand by you and just give you love. Try to relax while he is gone. I had to sleep on the couch a few times with the TV on just to get through the night! Just think, he's out there to make the money so you don't have to worry. So that you can take the time to get better! So take the time and try to get better. If you can be a single mom, you CAN overcome the depression. You have to be a hell of a strong person to raise a child on your own! I KNOW I couldn't do it!!!!!! I envy your strength. I have a wonderful husband and 2 wonderful children, own a home, have lots of great friends tons of loving family members and still I'm here in this support group because I was so depressed that I tried to kill myself. What the HELL was I thingking????
Don't feel guilty about being depressed. You didn't want to be. It just happened that way. You will get better. But feeling guilty will only make you worst.
Take care and Bless you,
Breathe in and Breathe out. You can do it.
Nyia
Posted by countess on June 19, 2003, at 11:15:22
In reply to Re: grogginess and insomnia, posted by CaptainD500 on June 18, 2003, at 20:34:29
thank you everyone for the sleep advice. i'll talk to my doctor about those choices. this is so helpful.
Posted by NThompson on June 19, 2003, at 15:26:26
In reply to Re: grogginess and insomnia, posted by countess on June 19, 2003, at 11:15:22
Okay everyone this is really bugging me. I have been watching a friends 2 kids in the morning for an hour before they go to school and then take them to school. And I pick up my daughter and her daughter who are in the same class, and watch them for a few hours until she gets off work and picks her up. I don't get paid for it or anything like that. So here is my dilemma, do I tell her about my depression and that I tried to commit suicide? I know that if someone else was watching my kids I would want to know! So what do I do. I don't think I'm comfortable with telling her what I did. Her children are never in danger. What do I do?
Nyia
Posted by KimberlyDi on June 19, 2003, at 15:31:05
In reply to Re: grogginess and insomniacaptain » countess, posted by zinya on June 18, 2003, at 20:21:19
Saw my new p-doc today (Day 21 on Effexor). She bumped me up to 200mg a day (my insurance won't cover the XR so I take 100mg twice daily). She prescribed Trazadone when I asked about it. She said Benedryl is not a long-lasting solution for the insomnia. I decided not to push for a change to Lexapro. In reviewing the past few weeks, my emotional stability has improved drastically, thanks to Effexor. I'll put up with the side effects awhile longer.
Posted by KimberlyDi on June 19, 2003, at 15:49:08
In reply to Re: PDoc -Argh! » NThompson, posted by CherC68 on June 18, 2003, at 21:58:08
Cher,
Your life sounds nifty so it seems to narrow the scope down to 1) chemical imbalance in brain, or 2) emotional baggage, or 3) both. :) Either way, get your hind end to therapy or a pdoc! Depression is a miserable waste of life, it blinds your vision of everything that's beautiful. Get some help!
Your online friend,
Kim
Posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 15:51:56
In reply to Re: I have a moral dilemma, HELP!, posted by NThompson on June 19, 2003, at 15:26:26
> Okay everyone this is really bugging me. I have been watching a friends 2 kids in the morning for an hour before they go to school and then take them to school. And I pick up my daughter and her daughter who are in the same class, and watch them for a few hours until she gets off work and picks her up. I don't get paid for it or anything like that. So here is my dilemma, do I tell her about my depression and that I tried to commit suicide? I know that if someone else was watching my kids I would want to know! So what do I do. I don't think I'm comfortable with telling her what I did. Her children are never in danger. What do I do?
>
> NyiaNyia, hey!
If you are feeling ok, taking your meds, seeing your doc, and are not suicidal now, there is not a need in my opinion. Let's say you had a heart attack, but you are recovering from it and have been cleared to drive by your doc. I don't see any difference. AS LONG AS YOU ARE WELL and doing what you are supposed to do. I hope my vote helps.I hope you are feeling ok, send me a note anytime.
Brian
Posted by kalyb on June 19, 2003, at 15:53:10
In reply to Insomnia re: Effexor, prescribed Trazadone today, posted by KimberlyDi on June 19, 2003, at 15:31:05
> Saw my new p-doc today......She prescribed Trazadone when I asked about it. She said Benedryl is not a long-lasting solution for the insomnia.
---------------------------------
That's most interesting.I saw my pdoc yesterday after being on Effexor for 5 weeks. I've been having insomnia too, and have been taking diphenhydramine (USA=Benadryl / UK = Nytol) for about a week with great results. I fall asleep within about twenty minutes when I go to bed.
I asked him about the Nytol. He said it was perfectly fine to take for as long as I want, if it works that well for me. He reassured me that there were no issues with addiction or dependence on it. In fact he seemed impressed by my initiative (although of course, I owe all you on PB for suggesting it!!!).
Could it be just a difference between the USA and UK? My pdoc wouldn't prescribe me something he didn't think I really need, he's being paid by the National Health Service not by me or my insurance, and isn't being bombarded by drug advertising quite as much. Sorry if that sounds cynical. :)
But I am surprised that the milder, cheaper, proven Benadryl (diphenhydramine) "is not a long term solution" for you, but is considered perfect for me the other side of the Atlantic Ocean....?
Kalyb xx
Posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 15:55:16
In reply to Insomnia re: Effexor, prescribed Trazadone today, posted by KimberlyDi on June 19, 2003, at 15:31:05
Kimberly, glad things are working for you too on Eff. That combination seems to be popular, it was prescribed for me, and several others I know of also. 21 days, that is great.
Brian
Posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 16:03:06
In reply to Re: Insomnia » KimberlyDi, posted by kalyb on June 19, 2003, at 15:53:10
Kalyb and all the others on this side:
Honestly, I just knew that Benadryl would make some people drowsy, and some not. It has never made me go to sleep. K, to answer your question in my opinion, I think it is just the doctors' difference in opinion, and what they think works in their experience. I could be wrong, but I don't think they keep up with what docs prescribe do they? (in order to benefit the doc in any way) Maybe I am being naive, but I haven't really considered that.
Posted by melley on June 19, 2003, at 16:14:52
In reply to Re: no more effexor » melley, posted by zinya on June 18, 2003, at 20:02:15
> In retrospect, Melley, can you describe what exactly didn't work for you on Effexor and what the difference now is on Wellbutrin -- in terms of both positive and negatives effects of both?
>
> thanks ... and i'm glad you're feeling so much better!
> zinya
Day two off of effexor totally and no withdrawal symptoms. On my highest dose of effexor, I was bloated (from constipation I guess), felt numb (good in some ways:), couldn't sleep without a sleep aid, had horrible sweating. And then I started getting terrible memory loss. That might have been from the sleep aid. On the plus side, no anxiety and no depression. With wellbutrin so far the side effects are minimal. As a matter of fact the only one I've noticed is a bit of irritability. And I can really feel feelings again. I love that. I think it is okay to have an occasional mood swing. So so far I am happy with the switch. Hope it lasts. mel
Posted by zinya on June 19, 2003, at 16:17:00
In reply to Re: I have a moral dilemma, HELP!, posted by NThompson on June 19, 2003, at 15:26:26
Gosh, NT. I do see your dilemma. Have you discussed it with your husband? I would for sure make this yet another of the things you are increasingly sharing with him now that you're not feeling a need to hide such sources of anxiety from him. He knows the "players" too which we cannot know, by which i mean what kind of person the other mother is, how much a perspective she would have about the nature of depression, etc., whether she tends to gossip, etc.
I think you're displaying conscientiousness (which i prize highly in people!) and a concern that is well-taken but I'm not sure there's a simple answer to this and, since the crisis has presumably already passed, at the very least I wouldn't rush into divulging this without giving it some further thought (In other words, if she were to be alarmed at not having been told at the time, that isn't going to change if you wait a while longer).
You don't say how close a friend she is. If she's a true, real, close friend and you feel that -- independent of the issue regarding the kids -- you're somehow not being "truthful" with her about what you're going through, if you are friends who usually share most things, then that might be a consideration too -- as part of your own coming to terms with the whole issue of 'hiding' .... But again, i would say that for now, just coming out of hiding vis-a-vis your husband is so fresh and new for you, that i wouldnt' say rushing to expand that with someone else is necessarily wise quite yet, even if you feel trust in that friend (Is she the kind of person who tells you other people's private business? If so, then you can be sure she would relay yours -- unless of course you are truly "best friends" who only share things with each other but i don't get that sense...
So, i'm giving a very muddy answer here, i realize, but in recognition that it's a muddy dilemma, and i'm not surprised - it's to your credit - that you have raised it and are presumably of two minds about it. I think any both rational and sensitive person would be.
But if i had to make a call from afar, given just what you've said so far, i'd hold off... and discuss it with your husband and even then give it some time and perspective. This is still all so fresh. I'd let the transitions you're in now sink in more.
Unless of course you ever catch yourself even remotely feeling distracted or ill-disposed in a way that you admit honestly to yourself that her daughter could be in any jeopardy (e.g., if you find yourself distracted behind the wheel in some way related to what you're going thru now). And then you would have the option too of just telling her you have to stop doing it for a while and, if you're uncomfortable saying the real reason, I'd see no problem with giving an alternate reason as a cover until you might feel safer to share something.
Most important right now for *you* is to keep yourself in safe situations....safe emotionally and physically while you are rebuilding new strengths in yourself, new reliances, new senses of faith in your own instincts....
my two cents' worth for now
with hugs and peaceful wishes!
zinya
Posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 16:20:43
In reply to Re: no more effexor, posted by melley on June 19, 2003, at 16:14:52
guys, referring to Melley's note to Zinya (and other posters occassionaly) I don't feel like I don't feel feelings, I don't feel numb. Like we have all said time and time again, we are all different.
Brian
Posted by zinya on June 19, 2003, at 16:21:01
In reply to Insomnia re: Effexor, prescribed Trazadone today, posted by KimberlyDi on June 19, 2003, at 15:31:05
This sounds good, Kim ... cuz you sound good,.... solid. Hopeful. Those are good things.
I'm curious: how long out of the 21 days were you on the 150 before she bumped you up?
And did she say what her criteria were for bumping you up?
wishing you well!
zinya
Posted by melley on June 19, 2003, at 20:15:39
In reply to Re: no more effexor » melley, posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 16:20:43
> guys, referring to Melley's note to Zinya (and other posters occassionaly) I don't feel like I don't feel feelings, I don't feel numb. Like we have all said time and time again, we are all different.
> BrianYes, I did read that that is different for everyone. The numbness. And oddly in some ways I kinda miss it, if that makes any sense....
Posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 21:08:47
In reply to Re: no more effexor » brian green, posted by melley on June 19, 2003, at 20:15:39
I had a friend on it a couple of years ago, and I remembver her telling me it made her feel that way, like it was impossible for her to cry and she walked around sorta zombie like. That eventually went away after she had a few weeks under her belt.
Posted by NThompson on June 19, 2003, at 22:14:07
In reply to Insomnia re: Effexor, prescribed Trazadone today, posted by KimberlyDi on June 19, 2003, at 15:31:05
That is great news Kimberly! Let me know how the Trazadone works for you. Good luck!
Sleep Tight,
Nyia
Posted by Susy on June 19, 2003, at 22:45:36
In reply to Re: Insomnia re: Effexor, prescribed Trazadone today » KimberlyDi, posted by NThompson on June 19, 2003, at 22:14:07
> That is great news Kimberly! Let me know how the Trazadone works for you. Good luck!
>
> Sleep Tight,
> NyiaHi, I am new to the list, but I did send a message and didn't receive any answer =(
Maybe I am in another thread? The title was I am scared of this med, HELP! I said that I don't feel strong enough to try Paxil again; that I am very sentisitive for meds, etc...
Maybe I'm doing something wrong to get the message post? Or maybe somebody deleted cause the things I said? Or maybe cause my English is not perfect....I also need to learn from you guys, so please let me know if you read this message so I can explain.....
Thanks =) Susy
Posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 22:49:34
In reply to Re: Insomnia re: Effexor, prescribed Trazadone today, posted by Susy on June 19, 2003, at 22:45:36
Suzy, what is wrong? are you depressed, have you seen the doc, are you taking anything now?
brian
Posted by mercedes on June 20, 2003, at 0:27:30
In reply to Re: grogginess and insomnia, posted by countess on June 18, 2003, at 18:53:54
Hi, I used to take my Effexor XR at night. Couldn't sleep at night getting only 3-4 hours a night. However I would get reeeeal sleepy around 1 or 2 pm.
About two months ago, I started talking my Effexor 1 hour earlier each day. I am now taking it at around 10 a.m. with breakfast and do NOT have the drowsiness during the day like I used to. Also, I've noticed that I get more sleep at night. I'm a night owl, so at times I go to sleep at midnight or later. Well, by taking the Effexor in the morning, I get at least 6, and seldom7 hours of continous sleep a night. I also feel more energetic a couple of hours after I take it. This is my experience on the time of day I take it.
Mercedes
Posted by brian green on June 20, 2003, at 0:32:48
In reply to Re: grogginess and insomnia, posted by countess on June 18, 2003, at 18:53:54
hi countess, like mercedes, i take my 225 dose in the am, around 7, with bfast. then i take my 150 at noon or so with lunch. i have been on this schedule for a week or so, and i don't have fatigue or insomnia. give it a try!
Brian
Posted by brian green on June 20, 2003, at 0:35:48
In reply to Re: grogginess and insomnia » countess, posted by mercedes on June 20, 2003, at 0:27:30
mercedes, curious about how you are feeling after 2 months. the magical 8 weeks! do you feel good and like your old self, a part of your old self, or how. I am at about 6 weeks and still have some down days when something important hits me hard.
B
Posted by mercedes on June 20, 2003, at 0:49:16
In reply to new symptom: inordinate sweating!!, posted by zinya on June 16, 2003, at 18:17:37
Suzy, I read your message at the bottom of someone else's message and then went back to find it but could not find.
I think you said you were afraid of this drug. I was on 37.5 mg for about a year then changed psyc. dr. and gradually increased to 300 mgs. Tell me what is it that you are afraid of. Maybe you can get people with positive input. I've been on other anti-anxiety, anti-depressants and Effexor seems to be ok for me. I can feel happy most the time, and yet sometimes I still cry alone. I've had to play around with the time of day to take it, so as I can sleep. This med. seems to be the best one so far There are side effects but they can be different depending on your chemistry.
I too fear taking any new med, but I think this one has helped my anxioty/dep, more.
p.s. your english is perfect....ok? mercedes
Posted by onelouder on June 20, 2003, at 6:13:03
In reply to Getting rid of sexual side-effects of Effexor ? , posted by Butterfly on May 7, 2002, at 12:37:21
> Hi
> I have started treatment with Effexor XR for GAD a week ago, and could already feel improvement on second day.
> But among other related side-effects (nausea - gone after 2 days - , insomnia, sweating) I am also experiencing undesired sexual effects (delayed ejaculation) and wondering if anyone who has experienced this in early stages of the treatment has seen this probelm resolve with time, -and if so, after how much time.
>
> Thanks for your input
>
> Butterfly
>
Hi there,
I have now been on Effexor XR 75mg once a day for over 2 weeks. The first 3 days, I got the shakes, headaches, sickness, dizzy etc. I am also having delayed ejaculation. Funny (not really) thing is though, my depressed state had me being very promiscuous and I considered myself a stud anyway (or so I was told)
Now, as I am sure others have found, I can carry on even longer! Seriously though, I don't know if this is a good thing or not? I am now less impatient and seem to be enjoying life, even though, we all have various, stresses and anxieties?
Keep the threads going, as they have helped me immensely :-)
Posted by melley on June 20, 2003, at 6:45:41
In reply to Re: no more effexor » melley, posted by brian green on June 19, 2003, at 21:08:47
> I had a friend on it a couple of years ago, and I remembver her telling me it made her feel that way, like it was impossible for her to cry and she walked around sorta zombie like. That eventually went away after she had a few weeks under her belt.
I realize I am sounding like a complete naysayer. I should add that effexor saved my life last year. I think for me what happened is that the more it was increased the more sensitive to it I became with my particular body chemistry; yet the lower doses weren't enough after awhile. That could well happen with this new med. sigh. I am today feeling rocky. Think it is the withdrawal from the last dose of effexor. I will be glad when this part is over. I think if it persists I might take some dramamine...and hopefully a nap. Last day of school!:)
Melissa
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