Posted by Jost on July 31, 2006, at 23:00:39
I wish I could think of something I'd like to work on (ie study, research, write about).
That's something I used to find meaningful, although I tended to pick whatever was hardest thing to do--not figuring out what I personally was drawn to, more than any other thing, what interested me enough to invest time, energy, thought in. What, if anything, spoke to me.
I think I thought that if no one had understood something, and it was considered very difficult, I would contribute something, if I understood it. That took the place of finding anything per se worthwhile.
I don't know. I think about various things, and either I don't know enough about them to do anything much, or they don't seem worthwhile. Or both.
I can't quite get my mind around the idea that it's worth starting something from the ground, even if I could decide on what to start. I mean I could start something, but it takes forever to get really educated on anything--
I wish something would suddenly magically be endowed with meaning, so I could organize myself around it-- other than my work that I already do, which is meaningful, but until my shoulder gets a lot better, which may never happen, I can't do it that much. Plus it's so non-intellectual, and it feels like something's missing. But it would be better if I could do it more, I guess.
Sigh.
Well, I'll look at this sometime in the future maybe, and things will have changed. I hope.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:672454
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20060709/msgs/672454.html