Posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 5:11:04
last summer (not the one just gone) people were trying to convince me not to go back to my old university. I got annoyed with what they were saying about it - and I went back. Mostly because I couldn't afford to move to another city and I had a substantial scholarship (and it was too late to apply for a comperable one at another institution) and because I had tutoring work guaranteed (and it was too late to apply to do that anywhere else). And for mental health reasons of course. I thought I would get treatment here. But that turned out to be an utter joke (all of last year anyway).
I didn't want to believe what they were saying...
I just thought they were being a bunch of snobs...But ever since then I have seen the point to what they were saying... I didn't want to face up to it. I didn't. But fact is: they were right.
There isn't anything here for me.
Nobody is interested in the topic I am into.
People are getting substantial research grants to study it all around the world... It is a hot topic at the moment... But nobody here even seems to get that. Nobody is interested or cares.They aren't even interested in what I am doing.
And as they know nothing about it I am paying a hell of a lot of money to have supervisors who function mainly as grammer checkers. They don't offer substantial criticisms and they can't tell me I have misunderstood so and so's position or tell me I need to read such and such.So I work on my own. But I shouldn't be doing that yet.
I told them I had taken on too much tutoring this year and I needed to cut back - give away a couple of classes in order to make it through the semester. That was at the beginning of the week. But they are having trouble finding anyone else to take them. I have to do them next week. I'll probably have to just keep doing them because there isn't anybody else.
They don't understand that it is easier for them to find somebody to take two tutorials now then it will be for them to find somebody to take nine tutorials later when I burn out and have to stop doing it altogether.
They don't understand that I have to finish my Masters. All they really seem to care about is getting the undergrad courses covered ok. But what about my work? It won't end up being half as good as it would have been if I had gone somewhere else... And that will reflect on me. And the institution again... In ever decreasing circles...
I just want to get the hell away from here.
But it is going to be hard to get in anywhere decent when all my grades and everything aren't worth sh*t because of the institution I received them from.I would have got those grades anywhere. I firmly believe that. I worked my *ss off. But it is also true that in the time I have been here I have seen people get amazingly high grades for work that simply wasn't that good.
So it is hard to know. It is hard to know what to make of it. And it devalues my qualification considerably.
They were right.
I cut my own throat coming back here.
:-(
poster:alexandra_k
thread:475293
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20040420/msgs/475293.html