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low on the totem pole

Posted by Christ_empowered on December 21, 2014, at 21:59:13

I've been low on the totem pole my whole life. Might explain the 2 rounds of involuntary ECT, before age 25. I'm 30 now.

Working class intellectual parents. Smart. Gifted and talented, honors. Not "good enough" for anybody to hang out with, at least not from those classes. College...my now "rinky dink middle class family" wasn't good enough. My mental problems were dealt with by using mega dosing of meds, including addictive ones. I left.

Now...I have "schizophrenia." I come from a now upper class family. I'm chronically unemployed. When I tried to work part time at a small move theater, I wasn't "good enough," so they basically forced me out. "cool kids" worked there, plus some random townie odd balls.

No one respects me. They say I'm too feminine. Never had much male companionship...queer and, you guessed it: low on the totem pole.

I read over these emails I sent an ex-shrink, protesting my treatment at the hands of shrinks. I got a misdemeanor for that, btw, and only because my dad got me a good attorney.

"This is what poor people go through." That's it, in a nut shell. Even when I was broke as a joke, my people were able to keep me at least semi-comfortable. No matter. I was...low on the totem pole.

Low on the totem pole. I think I suffocated and descended into madness. I'm not the only one.


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