Posted by alexandra_k on December 4, 2014, at 17:04:13
In reply to Re: physics..., posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2014, at 20:47:19
i actually did do quite a bit better at the neuroscience section compared to comparative physiology, in particular. i really was having a meltdown about it all...
i think it is because of how i couldn't really read / write once i quit smoking... so... starting out at tech, because i thought it would be easier content and it might ease me back into things... and then doing really well in some of it... but then not knowing how that performance would translate across to university... then my experience at the university over the bridge... and then here... thank you law for restoring my confidence. i really was afraid that i had completely lost my mental ability... and for me... it is the most important thing in my world. my whole identity... self image... i've always clung to how everything will be okay because my grades are good... i can do pretty much anything because of that... to have lost that...
they only open up one lab time at a time... so, my lab time will be mostly full of people who promptly accepted first round offers and who promptly enrolled in their labs. i have heard people say that you want a crap group so you stand out... but since the average mark for labs is around 13/15 i'll be absolutely stoked if i can get through the year blending in completely unobtrusively. i'm not sure i can pull it off... but i'll surely do my best.
i'm really happy to have learned that nursing is so competitive here... that makes me feel a lot better about the kids who want to do it. i mean... the kids who want to do it actually, rather than the kids who think they can just cruise into it... all the people in the labs will be intending to transition to something clinical in subsequent years... so... bit mean of them to make nurses do organic chemistry, heh. still, if they don't do well at it, they can always do nursing at tech...
i am a bit worried that that guy might try and latch onto me next year... especially if i don't have a herd that makes it too intimidating for him to approach me etc. that is the point of a herd... in very large part...
i think i will need to try and find a herd, yeah...
the issue is...
in law... there were two girls. girl A and girl B, lets call them. girl A was really loud and... kind of obnoxious. kinda dumb. kinda proclaiming loudly that she hadn't done her readings and yakkity yak yak about other stuff... he said that she said that they did... people steered clear of the both of them because they couldn't tolerate girl A. i talked to them on a couple occasions and girl B was actually really nice. focused. sweet. but girl A would keep interrupting and talking over...
girl A was clearly there as part of a targeted admissions scheme. whereas girl B would probably have been there regardless. it wasn't helping anyone to have girl A there. not even her. she dropped out near the end. she started out by being late... making a big performance of walking into class half way through... then eventually stopped coming at all.
I managed to talk to girl B a couple times after that... and she was completely burned out. she didn't have friends at that point...
It is... I think a lot of people would say that it is part of Maaori culture to be helpful etc. you can't not help. I think that it is something to do with that that the help offered... often times gets to be more 'help' (borderline abuse) than anything else. if it is part of the culture to not eat without offering to everyone... and you are surrounded by people who will decide never to eat in front of you... then the most authentic (instead of rushing off when nobody is looking and buying takeaways) will eventually... start cooking up pots full of crap because they won't get enough to eat otherwise... the only way to protect yourself against other people abusing you / exploiting you is to make sure there isn't anything to abuse / exploit. I think this is more about... History of subjugation and abuse... That somehow things have got a bit confused about the hospitality thing... That reciprocity has gone out the window... That there haven't been strong and fair leaders to ensure that people aren't taken advantage of...
Anyway...
Girl A... Should have never been allowed to be there. Isn't doing her or her culture any favors at all to have her there. If girl B doesn't make it into law school... I think it will in large part be because of her feeling obliged to look after girl A. From her perspective... If everyone else in the class had have helped a little... You know... pretended to be interested for a while so she could have slipped away... Then the load would have been lightened.
But the thing is... Everyone is stuggling to stay afloat... You can't start cliniging to the people drowning around you... They can simply get out of the pool. Go to tech or whatever. Go do something else.
I told that guy that he needed another year to prepare. That's the best help I could give him. I did try and study with him... To see if I could study with him. And I found him... Dull witted and uninterested. And things haven't even started to get overwhelming yet. If he thinks embryology is boring and he hates it before he's even started... I need him the hell away from me for when times get tough.
I suppose it is a bit harsh... But I can't afford to get dragged down by people sinking. They won't die... THey just need to get out of the pool. They are just testing the waters, anyway. They just wanna play in the grown up pool because it is the grown up pool... They don't know what it is like to delight in stretching ones legs...
I will find friends next year... I feel... Pretty good. Pretty centered. About... Getting to know people a bit and assessing things... I mean... Finally my default grump has lifted. I think that is it. I feel more favorably disposed. Calmer. Back to some kind of 'usual self' or something... Perhaps my faith in my ability to study well has been restored. So... I'm in a better position to feel confident in my ability to see who I can productively work with...
I'm... Going to invest a bit in having a nice christmas. I'm going to get good flights... So I can visit my friends for 4 days or 5 days or something like that... Leave before we get sick of each other... Friends from Italy are back, as well... So... Will be like a couple of christmas's that i've had with all of them... it will be pleasant and relaxed... and a bit of a break / holiday for me. i think it will be worth it... i can't remember the last time i've felt that i've had a couple days away...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1073953.html