Posted by Angela2 on April 16, 2014, at 15:19:38
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on April 10, 2014, at 23:32:38
> I have social anxiety, too. Sorta. I... Don't really know how to relax around people. Have this fear of putting my foot in it / making a social blunder.
Hey Alexandra K, I'd say thats social anxiety. Everyone who has social anxiety, I am learning, has their own form of it. mild, severe, moderate, sensitive, etc. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. I wonder if a lot of people on forums like this have social anxiety. I know that I come here for support because I can't always get it in real life (due to social anxiety).
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> I've come to learn that confidence goes a long way in smoothing things over...
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> And I'm supposed to simply have a thicker skin because there is this jostling and / or teasing game that (especially guys) like to play... And girls sometimes have this whole 'oooooooh yeeeeeah she's SUCH A BITCH' form of camaraderie
haha, Alex, sometimes I really dislike people and feel like I don't belong either. I can't stand when I am having a problem, like depression or anxiety, and people try to get me to see "how I'm taking it is wrong," it's not wrong to feel the way you do. I just think there's a balance that really, only YOU can know. Your intuition, etc. I think that sometimes people who want to help, give misguided, or sometimes just BAD advice. In the form of advice that sounds valid, lol.
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> But I don't ever feel relaxed around such things>
> One things that guys sometimes get into (that I find really rather great) is the idea of DOING THINGS together. Not talking... But just doing things. I think that is why people like things like team sports. For the moments when everyone just shuts their yap and... Works together. Helps them feel like... Part of something greater than themselves. I get this from books (feeling like part of history or part of an intellectual community / family) but most other people get something from being with others in the now.
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> Group fitness classes are like this, too. Dance... Stuff like that.
Yes. Doing things together, but not having to have an interactive discussion about it.that is my motto. I am good with one on one too. But sometimes I just feel like I'm being stared at and I do not like that.>
> If someone had have suggested this to me, mostly I would have found it kinda tacky... But now I'm sorta coming around... To the idea of things like clubs. Where you have some interest in common. Perhaps ideally something that you can do on your own and with others. So when you feel lonely you can do the on your own part and hold them in mind while you are doing it. If that makes any kinda sense...
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> For all my grumbly complaining:
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> I need to study more in public spaces. I've come to learn that the main places on campus advertised as study areas are where people go who like to think of themselves as studying... And that the real study gets done in the out of way corners that the popularists never find... E.g., the very top floor of the library after 6pm. I've heard of semi-mythical places, too, like architecture libraries... And there being spaces over in biological science... Somewhere... Etc... Basically... I need to go exploring. It isn't like other places I"ve been to where security's job is to kick everybody out...
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> Why?
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> Because there is the possibility... That I find people with similar study habits to me. Who I can work... Alongside. Take a 5 minute break with every 50 minutes or so. Catch some of their 'in the zone' for when I'm not feeling on form...
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> Sometimes it is about hanging out in public spaces... Where you are likely to meet similar others. Museums. Art galleries. Whatever.
Alex, that is a really good idea. Thank you. I forget that. That I am being social. Even if It's not some big event. I cango to the library, museum, stand in back at exercise class, maybe strike up a convo, etc.The exercise class I'm in now is kind of weird. I told my teacher after the first class that I have social anxiety. Now I don't want to go back cuz I feel weird about that lol. It's also kinda interactive.
I will do my best to go to the rest of the classes, but if I don't go, I don't go.
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> When you said about school... Being correspondance... I did worry for you, kinda. Because there isn't much sense of community that way.
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> I'm currently doing 1 class. I have a 1 hour lecture M, Tu, W, F. And a 3 hour lab every fortnight on Thursday. It is enough to... Keep me sane, somehow. Desensitise me to people somewhat. If I don't have that class... I start to really get panicky / afraid. Because I find it hard to get out otherwise. Default tendency: To stay by myself in my room. Hangover from childhood when other options weren't available to me.----ok, so basically, I did the same thing as a child/ teenager, etc. I hung out alone in my room a lot. So it's kind of become a habit. It has. It may be ingrained in my behavior.
I need to be... Pushed. Hard. To explore. But typically... Really loves walks... Especially now... There are nice places to go visit... Parks. Art galleries. Pleasant people in quiet libraries etc...
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> Can you think about whether your social anxiety gets better (a bit. Sort of... desensitises?) if you have scheduled things to be doing. Whether it be a group fitness class... An art class... Whatever...
My social anxiety does get better. I was a waitress for 3 years and was quite desensitized to that.You have inspired me a lot Alex. I may print some of these posts out so I can look at it another time.
Take care.
poster:Angela2
thread:1063978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140312/msgs/1064330.html