Posted by alexandra_k on March 10, 2014, at 16:16:34
In reply to Re: happy, posted by alexandra_k on March 9, 2014, at 0:09:34
happy-ish. ha.
math math math math math. it all comes back to the math. it probably always will from here on in. or out. can't even get that right ahaha.
i can do the problems okay, but then he said that he expects us to rearrange them and something something about cross multiplying...
the trouble with that website i've been using is that i just... figure things out. see the answer. until... i can't anymore. and usually that isn't up until those last few at the end with crazy looking numbers (that only occur in pure maths and not even so much in applications like science?) i don't know how much to stress about those cases.
(in the good sense of stress).
it is just like it always was: i can do it. rather a lot, actually, right up until... i can't. i can't see the answer. and then i'm totally stuffed. i have no freaking idea what to do. and i don't have much practice with learning / following a method. particularly one that seems unnecessarily complicated compared to my way...
but i guess there is a reason to do things that way (then use my way to check whether the answer seems reasonable once i'm done). the problem... still... is that nobody ever taught me math.
so i'm meant to be doing cross multiplying to get out the... bottom number on the fraction on the equation. or something. only none of the problems he's given us seemed to require anything like that... so i felt in a sh*tty mood... that he didn't just run through how to do it (for people who wanted him to do that) and provide us with lots of examples of problems requiring us to rearrange the equation in various ways... that would have been a help. because right now... i don't know whether i've got it good enough already so move on... or whether this will bite me in the *ss later. whatever... it just puts me in a sh*tty mood, is all. i suspect because it doesn't feel like there is an awful lot of other stuff to be getting on with. the pace is... i mean, things are progressing steadily and logically in a way that everybody really is appreciating... but the pace feels... snail-like. but the problems can be tricky... so...
the website turns out to be heaps more extensive than i appreciated. i have access to the class i'm enrolled in at uni (and none of the others). but i also paid $20 for access to the high school curriculum for a year. there is HEAPS of stuff on that. 3 years of high school... but actually more than that... cambridge curriculum... ncea curriculum... scholarship stuff... olympiad... some of it seems more advanced than stuff we're covering in the course i'm enrolled in at uni (of course - this current course is for people who didn't do high school). so... i can work through any / all of that, too.
it is wonderful, actually. lots of it is repetition. but little bits are different. and higher levels start things off a bit further down / progress through a bit quicker then add a new bit at the end. i'm starting to see how science is taught / learned. and ideally... most of next year will be revision for me. ideally... most of organic chem will be familiar to me already... so... i have quite a lot to be getting on with with the website and of course it is all really relevant to organic chem...
i think i'm a bit flustered because the peer tutorial thing didn't go quite as i'd hoped. basically... full of 18 year olds... who are only just learning how to study at university. here is a stock thing that happens over and over and over and over again: students ask 'do we need to learn your particular definition or can we rephrase in our own words'. teacher says 'i'd encourage you to rephrase in your own words'. outcome is that students say things that are false and lose marks. tears. students learn the hard way that they should in fact wrote learn the teachers definition (trying to gain some appreciation of why it is that the particular words are chosen by many many many many many if not all textbooks on the freaking subject).
anyway... there is no reason for people to hear me / believe me on this... any more than there is no reason for people to disbelieve the person who thought that you can solve for c in an equation of the form a=b/c (by dividing a by b - pretty sure)... people are just... really nervous. and very concerned to appear quick and smart... and i do have empathy (really). i'm feeling a little... deskilled myself... but i just need to find the person or two who encourages me to sit back... take a deep breath... and reason through the obvious. slowly. or... there needs to be a voice like that in the sessions... i suppose it is a case of me standing up... or just... being like that. and seeing what comes. sigh.
we could have had lots of repetitions of the definitions we needed during the course of the tutorial by asking and answering asking and answering over and over in a way that ticked along in the background and became automatic without much... effort. but instead it turned into a bit of a race about who could finish their handout on time. sigh. time. it will just take some time for people to relax. and i need to accept (not being grandiose) that my moods seem particularly catchy for people and i was feeling stressed about the math, yeah.
there was an older chick... but she's presently overwhelmed. doing 3 papers - one of which is stats and she lacks basic algebra, too. and has never done university before (pretty sure). she was having trouble doing the homework set (which i got through okay) which was why the lecturer was talking to her about rearranging equations (which i didn't need to do - i don't understand)... anyway... it reassured me that i've made the right decision in not filling up my course-load with other papers...
i think when it comes to study... i might well be on my own this year. i suppose time will tell and i should be so quick to judge... i don't suppose it would be such a bad thing. sigh. i do miss the community. trying to persuade a friend who i do work well with that he should study medicine too... until then... i guess he is my study buddy. when he feels like a break from his thesis. sigh.
i've been thinking... philosophy is... i can't think of the word... the research funding people are... funding decisions often aren't fair. i guess people think they are doing you a favor (longer term) by preparing you for the way things are. you do great work. you work really hard. you lose your center for excellence. you don't get it in that journal. you don't get a book contract with that publisher. you don't get tenure. whatever. that is just the way things are. if you are about ready to kill yourself each time you take a hit like that... you best be going to do something else. because that is just the way things are. you need to be a person who takes that stuff and uses it to fuel things... or who is impervious to it. of course it helps if you have family or whatever to unwaveringly believe in you. money to weather the storms. etc. whatever. anyway... point it. i'm not strong enough, really. and there it is. what makes me think i'm strong enough for other things? i don't particularly know that i am. maybe with more time... i'll learn. who knows.
i just thought... i know some people who bailed on phd's in other fields in order to persue philosophy. that is probably why they are fairly accepting of the thought that i bail in philosophy to do other fields. meh. it's cool.
i really do appreciate the arts... but i'm not a producer. i can't deal with teh emotional rollercoster involved in that... the personal vulnerabililty..
sigh. who am i kidding? they were the smart, interested, motivated ones. we will be alright.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140129/msgs/1062200.html