Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2013, at 16:18:40
In reply to Deafness: 'I Have No Money', posted by Snell on December 17, 2013, at 12:07:41
I can empathize.
That was part of the problem with my friends in Wellington, before. Once I paid my rent I literally had NZD$60 to spend on food.
They didn't seem to understand why I didn't regularly top up my phone with $20, why I didn't spend $5.50 to train to see them, why I didn't meet them for a $4 coffee. Why visiting them was hard with communal cooking (which I'm not very good at) so they would likely send me on errands 'can you go pick up some butter' (which is, like, $7 from the corner store).
I could tell them 'I can't really afford' this, that, and the next thing until I was blue in the face and... Incomprehension, really. Or... Charity. Really in my face about it. E.g., 'My shout'. Not like once and then just do it. But saying it several times. Loudly. Proclaiming it to everyone. Making me feel... Not good about myself.
That was why my last visit to Wellington was nicer. They... Seemed to have gotten it. Finally. But still... It can be hard to be friends with people who have more money when they haven't been in the position of having less money themselves... Or... In the above case... Part of what was hard was a particular friend who had been there... Who became insufferable in the transition when he first started to earn. Who seem to have... Settled down somewhat now. Which is nice.
So...
Maybe it is about experience. And that fact that most people signal unreliably. Most people do in fact say they have no money or they can't afford something... People say they can't afford to eat but spend money on cigarettes or alcohol...
I didn't understand why Work and Income always required evidence from me that I couldn't pay my rent if their payment didn't come through. I was like - you know I don't have other sources of income, you know how much you are supposed to be paying me, you know how much my rent costs are. Why do I have to tell you AGAIN. ffs.
Apparently... Most people don't pay the rent costs they say they are (because they are living with friends who feel sad for them and don't make them pay). Most people don't spend much on food either, because people give them free food. So... A lot of people on welfare spend their money on alcohol and cigarettes.
It took years... Until they saw that I was literally spending $60 per week at the farmers market on food...
I don't know what to say.
People not listening... Will make you crazy.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1056431
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20131211/msgs/1056441.html