Posted by Partlycloudy on September 2, 2013, at 14:34:55
I know that for some people here, I have no anonymity. Cover willingly blown for trusting, well meaning comrades in this pursuit of peace and health.
Where do I put my words of anguish that can scarcely make it into my journal? It isn't about my mental health, though I'm being triggered daily and many times. Doing the best I can with the tools I have, I seek solitude in a home being remodeled. With a spouse who has no respect for personal boundaries. I am so very unhappy that all the work we had done together on couples therapy just melted away like a crayon left in the sun.
So I consider the future. Tomorrow I visit my sister, who makes no bones about disliking my spouse. I am not going there to dish the dirt, but to visit with my sister, who has rebuffed all my invitations save the one and only one, to visit me. I want to meet their dog. I want silence that isn't a void that has to be filled up.
When I return, I will consult with a lawyer. It has been many years since I have considered living on my own, though I have established my own credit. I don't know my rights as a non-citizen.
Then I am going to suggest a trial separation. Living where I do, there are many rentals around that are already furnished, and it's off season for us.
I'm sad. I'm angry. I don't want to go through the counseling process again with my husband, having seen what disregard he has for it. Lip service. That's all I received. I go from room to room, seeking solitude, and he finds a reason to follow me. Wanted a nap. Wanted to watch a TV program. Interrupted me 3 times during the same meditation practice. I think I could chew an ankle off right now.
Not confident enough to leave the house. I have cried a reservoir of tears at this juncture. I know what the right thing to do is. I am so scared to take a first step.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:1050043
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130811/msgs/1050043.html