Posted by SLS on May 30, 2011, at 6:24:11
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » SLS, posted by zonked on May 29, 2011, at 23:50:49
> >
> > Perhaps you are undergoing a saddening discovery process. With less depression, you are discovering with a clearer mind what you may have missed. Are you lamenting what is or what was?
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> During lasting remissions, it hasn't been unusual for me to become angsty over years I've lost to this disorder, whatever you want to call it (major depression/bipolar II)...
>
> That's where psychotherapy could have helped me in the past - even when the machinery upstairs starts working again I'm still stuck with a lot of angst, anger, regret, and fears; and a lot of maladaptive thought/behavior patterns that have stuck around from my depressions even when I've felt better.
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> *Nobody* who knew me before my first depressive episode anticipated that I'd ever end up disabled, or with mental illness...
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> That reminds me--this time, when I pull out of this, I won't hesitate to seek out a decent psychotherapist to help me work through these issues. (Therapy is pretty useless as low as I've been lately.) I haven't felt like I could achieve anything I set out to do since my first year of college--even in remissions! But there was a time when no one could stand in my way if I wanted something - academic, personal, vocational....
I agree with everything you say here. You really understand the phenomena of depression and recovery. I used a combination of IPT and "life coaching" when I was improved enough to have benefited from it. This was a few years ago.> Scott, how the hell are ya lately anyway? Hopefully you've been better than me since last I was active on babble...
It is good to see your name appear once again. That's pretty selfish of me, though. You are probably here because you are not feeling the way you would like to feel - human.
As UNBELIEVABLE as it may sound, I am responding to treatment in a way that leads me to believe that I am heading toward remission. It is happening at a very gradual rate, though. I think it will be another 12-18 months for my brain to heal and reregulate itself. When I added Nardil last August, it took a full four months to see persistent results. Since November, my rate of improvement has been more or less steady. Once I added low-dosage lithium (300 mg), my mood shifts have been almost unnoticeable. I would estimate that I am 35% improved. It is becoming increasingly difficult to put a number on my degree of improvement. The better I feel, the more I come to realize just how sick I have been and that the distance to be covered is longer than I had guessed.
Currently:
Nardil 90 mg
nortriptyline 150 mg
Lamictal 200 mg
Abilify 10 mg
lithium 300 mgZonked, I hope you continue to feel better. I am sure that you will make good decisions along the way.
- ScottSome see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.
poster:SLS
thread:985091
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20110517/msgs/986626.html