> It can feel like quite a stretch. I try not to think about the future, just say to myself that when it gets really bad I will take some but until then I will just put it off as long as I can, and that the less I take now the less I will need. And accept that I should make no prior assumptions about what response to this world is appropriate, and that if it freaks me out, that is cool too.
sigi, I'm assuming you're cutting back to manage your dosage; I don't know. I do that with xanax, and just wanted to share my experience to date (which mean always pending). When I get too raw, like cutting back too fast, it's too shocking. Same with waiting till I need it. I usually wait too long :( then stretch a bit
strenuously. Maybe this isn't what you mean at all.
>
> And remind myself that whatever it was that made me so frightened then, it is as nothing compared to what has gone by since.
>It washes over you and changes you. I was frightened of shopkeepers,
> I was frightened that I was frightened and maybe on even further in the series.
>All that youthful optimism worked against me. Abandoning that sort of hope has been a relief. No one was
going to say 'I love your fear. Come here
and be frightened with me'. My fear was always an anomaly or an embarrassment. Not quite a man. This painful education in what it means to be human. Big change. I couldn't give a FF now about that. Sort of like a big joke, lots of material there....and it really is
very funny in a gasping sort of way. Good exercise in not taking yourself too seriously.
No, not too many folks around to say they love a person's fear. It's frightful to sense. Accept, though. Love maybe is
not the proper response--I don't know.
Withstand, accept. There are people who can accept my fear. I can accept my
son's fears at times and my husband's,
and they do elicit love. Other times they spook me because they spark my own :(
But you have various people to walk with you, yes? That is a mercy. And you certainly lend a calming presence here.
Take care sigi of yourself for whatever reasons you're tapering. Are you seeing an accupuncturist/TCM person? They can work with fear. Kidney support, heart support. Shen. That's heart, isn't it?
Just more notes from the puritan. Take very good care.
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