Posted by gardenergirl on October 23, 2010, at 21:09:42 [reposted on October 28, 2010, at 20:06:29 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Guilt IF Can't Do What Someone Asks Anyone Else » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on October 22, 2010, at 22:08:19
Hi Philippa,
That sure sounds like a difficult situation. On the one hand, I can see how a grandmother might look forward to spending time with her grandchild, and might not want to do anything that could jeopardize that relationship. But on the other hand, I can see how it might feel like you are being taken advantage of, and I would certainly resent that. I guess if it were me, I'd try to consider the potential benefits to me, which might include things like spending time with the grandchild, helping out your daughther, feeling useful, among others. And then I'd try to weigh that against the potential costs, perhaps aggravation, feeling used, being physically or emotionally tired, losing the time you spend doing your work, etc. If the pros outweigh the cons, then perhaps agree to babysit. If the cons outweigh, you have the right to say no for whatever reason. You don't even have to offer an explanation, just that you are not able to at this time.I know that this is easier said than done, especially when you add in all the emotional "baggage" that can come with family relationships, but if you try to view it as a simple request with costs and benefits, it might make it easier to navigate this with your daughter.
good luck!
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:967329
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20100907/msgs/967337.html