Posted by Tabitha on October 7, 2009, at 3:37:52
This board is dead, I know. Where else do I put this stuff? It's late, I have to get up early, I had an awful awful day. It felt like the world weighed a ton on me and tomorrow it's going to be every bit as heavy again, and I'll be sleep deprived to boot.
Maybe this SSRI-free thing is already failing. It's been a long time since I've felt 'in crisis' to this point.
There's nobody there when I need someone to be there. I hate spilling my distress over onto others. I'm privileged. My life is easy by so many measures.
Yet it feels I can't cope. I don't mean I want to kill myself, I just want to have a breakdown and spend a few days under a blanket and not go to work. But taking a mental health day at this point would definitely show a weakness that would be used against me. I work in a jungle. It's an evil, awful setup. It's stress-inducing and soul-destroying. I stay out of fear that it's the best I can do, to be struggling in this awful place.
Jeez, I don't know who to talk to, I really don't.
I feel different, and I feel like saying different things, more honest things. Is that poor judgement out of wacked out neurotransmitters? Or healthy increase in assertiveness. How can I tell? I'm alone. Really alone.
poster:Tabitha
thread:920048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090930/msgs/920048.html