Posted by Deneb on February 14, 2009, at 1:59:43
I am realizing something. I wonder if it makes me evil.
I get kind of triggered whenever people talk about going to the hospital or friends calling the cops on them or something.
I am quite happy now and not in the least bit suicidal, but sometimes when that happens I wish I were. Twisted eh?
Maybe I want to know that people care about me.
I was kind of upset that time I mini OD'd and my Mom didn't want me to go to the hospital. I took it to mean that she didn't care if I died, but that can't be further from the truth. My Mom loves me very much and she didn't want me to go to the hospital because she was afraid of losing me. She was afraid I would go and be locked up again and never come out again.
Sometimes I think, why don't my friends call the cops on me? I start thinking it is because they don't believe me or don't care if I die, but that is probably untrue. I also think I never really want to die when I OD. I think maybe it is like self injury sometimes and other times it is because I want people to care.
I need to focus on other things that people do that show they care, like replying to my posts or actually saying that they care.
I hope my post doesn't offend people. Sometimes I say the wrong things.
poster:Deneb
thread:880040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090209/msgs/880040.html