Posted by garnet71 on February 12, 2009, at 18:33:47
I vehemently REFUSE to sit at my computer in a pool of self pity any longer. I am DONE with that!!
My God, soldiers come home from the war with missing limbs, disfigurement--they run marathons and start new organizations!!! What did I do when I came home from 'non-war-zone' deployment? I had a wonderful son to welcome me home, great physical health, $$$$ in the bank, perfect credit, friends who were still interested, contractor plans for a newly remodeled house, a great job waiting for me-the whole dept. welcoming my return, only so I could subsequently QUIT...great univ. scholarship and opportunity...How the f*uck could I complain because I had anxiety????
So maybe those soldiers were not prone to depression, maybe they don't have the family mental health history and abuse history that I have had, or maybe they did, but you know what, if I COULD do the things I have done in the past 2 days, why CAN'T I do anything I put my mind too???? If I COULD spend 5 hours itemizing my federal taxes, get my car fixed, go to numerous meetings and appts., cook great meals..shower every day, etc. etc. if I could do all that, then why is it so impossible for me to do EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I WANT TO DO AT THIS POINT ON??? If I can force myself to do those things, why couldn't I force myself to do everything???
Screw that. There's much to be said about mind over matter. This is not to imply anyone else can, but like I said, if I could FORCE myself to do the above, why shouldn't I be able to force myself to do everything else? As far as 'anyone else can'--some really can't, medically--BUT - we ALL can CHOOSE faith. yes, that's something we all can do. We have the choice, and I choose faith. This is not to be confused with religion -I follow none.
I'm like a cat; I have 9 lives. i have been soooo close to being killed in several accidents, including freak accidents. SOMETHING is looking after me. If I was meant to die, I would be dead. Letting myself spiritually die is no different than being dead!!!
So tomorrow, 2/13/09, is the first day of my new life--Life #7.
poster:garnet71
thread:879728
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090209/msgs/879728.html