Posted by Cseagraves on January 17, 2009, at 15:08:03 [reposted on January 19, 2009, at 3:31:27 | original URL]
Just venting here!!!
I am so tired of hearing all of this crap about the end of times being 2012. I don't want to hear what the Aztecians, Mayans, Nostrodamus or other psychics have predicted.
I have enough issues trying to live on a daily basis without worrying about whether or not we are going to exist in 3 years.
It's hard enough seeing what the people in the world are doing to each other knowing that these events are part of their predictions.My dark place is dark enough. "Hoping" that I will pull out of this condition is hard enough. I want to live a to see my children grow, I want to be able to go back to work and be productive, I want to be able to travel again and not be afraid to go to the grocery store, I want my hubby and I to plan out our future and grow old together without one more dark cloud looming over my fate.
I am a very spiritual (not religious) person. I am in fact an "ordained minister". Religious studies have been one of my hobbies for years. My dream was to open a spiritual center of healing. I can't believe how much this condition (severe gad and agoraphobia) has also stolen my ability to cope and be excited with whatever my future may hold. Why am I trying so hard to fight this disease if we are all going to destroy each other in a few years anyways.
Wonder what would happen if I just stopped all my meds. Gave my body time to cleanse and heal on its own and see where I'm at. How do I know that all of these ssri's and other meds that I have taken have not made my condition worse? Totally screwed up the chemicals in my brain maybe instead of making them better.
And no, I don't sit and watch all of these shows on the "History" channel, but I see the advertisement. And before, in my normal days, even if I read or heard something like that, I would just blow it off. Now I have become so super sensitive to the subjects of death and dying and haven't been able to funtion outside of my house for over a year now. I'm so tired of it. I feel so useless and unmotivated.
This is so not who I was. I HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT!!!! I want to live, and I mean really live, so whats the use if we are going to start destroying each other.
I'm sure that some of you have heard this one. "That we are not human beings trying to be spiritual, but that we are spiritual beings trying to be human."
I try not to watch the news to much, but because I have a Jewish side of the family, I have been keeping up with what is going on between Israel and Haamas. Where did our hearts go, where did our compassion go? Why is it so much easier for people to feel hate and destruction?
Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Bin Laden, why do these people feel the need to wipe each other out instead of just accepting people for who they are and what their personal beliefs are?
This world is so out of balance. Mother earth does not need us to survive. She existed long before the human race ever did, and will exist long afterwards. I am beginnng to feel like she is fixing to cleanse this earth and start over.
Don't know why I am feeling overly sensitive today. I haven't taken any lexapro for two weeks and I was only on the trazodone for 5 days and have been off since Jan. 12th. I have just been depressed and crying all day. Can't seem to get a grip.
My husband and son play in a band and because not only do I love to watch them play, but I try very hard to appear as normal and as stable as possible when I am around my children. It was ridiculous that I had to take several zanax's just to get out of the house, because I didn't want to let my son down. I was sitting there watching them play, but all I could think about was getting back home.
I am just so done with this!!! No, not suicidal, just tired of all of this. What's even more aggravating is that I am not sure what triggered this GAD. Just please G-d, help me make this go away. I am of the belief that the events in our lives happen to us for a reason, that these are our own personal test that we or G-d placed upon ourselves before we ever came to this earthly plane to learn life lessons.
Although I am still trying to figure out why I placed this particular test on myself, I am sure that once I figure it out, I'll come out of this a stronger person and will be able to help others going through the same issues. (I understand that we all have our own personal beliefs and these are just mine). I am sincerely not trying to offend anybody. I just wonder sometimes that maybe some of us with these conditions are more in touch with the spiritual side of the universe and that is why we feel and react the way we do to things.
Take it for what it is worth, but I had a psychic (a very reputable one here in Atlanta) tell me that my soul had been here so many times, that it had become very sensitive to all of the imbalance here. She also told me that I've learned all that I need to from here and that this would be the last time I would come back. Thank G-d!!! 'Cause I'm tired. I'd rather be someones spiritual guide on the other side than come back here again. LOL!!!
I know that this may sound like bull to alot of you and please know that I do not take what psychics say as gospel, but it was interesting to hear.
I apologize, but I have been on a rollercoaster all day. Have been trying to find a way to cleanse all of these meds out of my body quicker as I am tired of the brain zaps and the feeling of electrical currents going down my arms and hands. Seems like anxieties are worse today and I am still trying to figure out a way to get myself to the grocery store.
Also, please keep in mind that I am just ranting right now and mean or negative responses are not needed. Normally I would not be like this.
Thanks for listening though.
Namaste'
Courtney
poster:Cseagraves
thread:874861
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090116/msgs/874861.html