Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 8, 2008, at 19:50:45
Ya I never shut up. It's a Friday night and all I have to do is either veg out and read, be on here, or go for a walk around the block. This is my first Friday night off in over a month. No friends to go out with (It's been that way for...hmmm.....7-8 years??!!) :-( My biggest thrill was just taking Xanax and some clonazepam to mellow me out. (I feel about as stimulated as a headstone right now. And grumpy to the max....) I am getting 'THOSE' thoughts and damn it I hate that! I don't want to go into eternal sleep. I want some...I just want to be happy, and that is soooo hard to find. I tried my usual things, creating a song, doing some 'artsy' stuff, but it just won't work! I have no life. I imagine I feel like Hemingway did when he was trying to write something, while struggling with deep depression and mania, for JFK's Inauguration. Quivering. Hands tremble. Now the summer is almost gone. I feel ashamed, pathetic. I could watch 'City of Angels' again, but that will push me further into despair. Punishment. That movie has so many *triggers*. I have to go lay down...sorry...(my usual king of the loser's speech...)"The troops are on the ground....guns drawn..." Where is the love? Where has it all gone....?Jay
poster:Jay_Bravest_Face
thread:845045
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080721/msgs/845045.html