Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 7, 2008, at 16:22:00
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**t » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2008, at 7:43:25
> ((((Jay)))) Hope you'll take a hug.
>
> My best and gently offered advice is to stop looking for your mate. Accept your life today for what it is, because wanting what it isn't is what is making you so unhappy. Wanting what we don't have is not always a good and driving force for "improvement" or "advancement" - sometimes, it's a force for madness and depression.
>
> I am going to tell you about a book that has changed my way of thinking about life and what it deals me, Jay. I actually read it several years ago, but it's only been in the last couple of months that it started to resonate with me. It's not a cure-all or the answer to all our problems, but it gave me reason to stop my own anxious thinking about the areas of my life that I was so very unhappy about. It's called "Loving What Is" and you can probably find it at Chapters or Indigo up there. It's worth a ponder.
>
> Thanks for reaching out to us, Jay. And there is reason for hope for you, and it already lies within you! Seeing yourself for the great qualities you possess and accepting that those qualities are ENOUGH - that's the secret that's eluding you.
>
> Know that we care, Jay. Know that you're good enough the way you are, and don't actually need somebody else in your life to validate those qualities.
>
> ClearSkiesHey CS...
Thanks kindly for the book suggestion! I am on my way to the bookstore today to pick it up. There is another one by the same author I am going to get called: "I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How To Stop Seeking Love, Approval, And Appreciation And Start Finding Them Instead." The reviews for these books are amazing. I think it is also a bit of an esteem issue, for me. I am worried about being a bit overweight, but even when I wasn't, I still had the same issues with women. I remember...I used to be a REALLY snazzy dresser...and am now getting back to that as I take off a few pounds. Designer jeans, silk shirts, $$$ leather shoes shinned black...400 dollar leather coats...100 dollar colognes. I know I looked (and still sometimes do) great. Friends and family would be like.."whoa..!!!". I am not saying this for the sake of vanity. Just to show something. Then, I'd meet a single female friend of a friend in a bar, and I'd buy her a nice drink, and chit-chat. I always used humour, and it was never anything offensive or whatever. So, after 30 minutes, my male friend meets me in the bathroom and tells me this woman is ticked that it looks like "I am hitting on her." Heck, no! I am just being my usual self, unrepulsive in any way. It was just the way I talk to many of my female and male friends. GOD DARE FORBID I take some kind of interest in her! This has happened a few times. I never get bitter, just wonder "why?" act like that. So, I'd just carry on having fun, and forget about her. I think that was a major part of my depression, is that (without using vanity) I knew I wasn't a too bad looking guy, who dressed well and was a very, very nice person with humour and class. As the years went on, I just thought "f*** it" what's the use of trying!
Okay, so I am sorry..I went off on a tangent..lol. Thanks very, very VERY much though in helping me to reclaim my self-validation. That means A LOT to me! :-)
Best, Jay
poster:Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe
thread:804721
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080104/msgs/804855.html