Posted by Ladrhiana on November 28, 2006, at 18:38:37
i'm prescribed 1mg ativan as needed for anxiety (lamictal too, but i'll get to that another time). i'm sure it's probably just kid stuff as opposed to the prescriptions out there for the really big panic suffer-ers. i have situational and social anxiety and also situational panic problems. i've never felt what i'd consider to be an unjustifiable panic. so, on that page, i'm sorry, i just can't relate...
there has recently been a "coast day" event. when we (my husband, son 3, and myself) first got there, it was early in the day and it wasn't too bad at all. as the day progressed, it got more difficult to move about freely due to the crowd. that's when i started to feel it. within twenty minutes, people were bumping into me, and i lost sight of my husband. at that point, it hit me like a train... PANIC
i was lucky enough to find my husband and he got me to open air, relatively away from the crowds. i took 2mg of the ativan at that time. after a cigarette or two and a long soothing conversation (maybe 20 minutes), he helped me calm down and refocus well enough to go on with the day and not steal the day's fun from my three year old son.i have great worry that my son will inherit my flaws and instabilities. much of my life has been marred by them.
instead of curling up and being the "wallflower", i overcompensated. i had a rather backward logic about it. i figured, since i already felt like everybody was staring at me, i'd just go ahead and make sure they were. then the feeling would be validated. i became "the life of the party", which is truly opposing to my natural inclination, thus exhausting. and since the behavior was artificial, i couldn't keep it up evenly. i became erratic and agressive.
i'd feel obligated to answer the phone and go out with "friends", eventhough i dreaded doing so. NOBODY KNEW. it was my "dirty little secret" and my own private hell.we just got married on saturday the 25th, after the ceremony, i had a small "reception" at my home. during which, one of my guests went into my medicine cabinet and helped themselves to about 40/1mg tablets of ativan. unbelievable!
the party went well, but i was "dosed" pretty heavily to get through the day and be able to breathe while doing it.i don't know about anybody else, but i get the feeling like somebody's sitting on my chest. i can't breathe right. my adrenaline starts. i get shaky, nervous, sometimes i rattle... that is, people can see me shaking. sometimes i feel like the only thing holding me together is my skin, and if it weren't for my skin, i'd fly appart.
sometimes, i make a joke out of it... i've told my husband..."hold my hand! if i f*rt, i'm gonna take off like a rocket and i want you in space with me"
i'm not really "going" anywhere with this, it's just more of a rant. since i've run out of steam, i'll just end it here....
by the way,
Hi!
How are you?
Nice to meet you, I'm Amy....
poster:Ladrhiana
thread:708314
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061123/msgs/708314.html