Posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 23:36:05
In reply to Re: need support » JerryPharmStudent, posted by fayeroe on October 24, 2006, at 22:11:20
WOw - you all are angels. So supportive. IF I could only find such people in my town. I like hte idea of taking my laptop to a coffeehouse,etc - problem is that I live in a small college town and everyone knows everyone - so it would be hard to dodge unwanted conversations. But , I guess any human contact would be nbetter than none? Other problem is that I get nervous around groups of people - so it's like a catch 22. My energy is low and I can barely keep up with showering everyday. I have a great little doggie named Tinker - she's at my parents' place which is about 2 miles from me. I love spending time with her. Just 5 mins with her make me forget everything - jusst holding her. But I'm not allowed to have her in my apt. And my mom's mad at me for dropping out of school. She thinks that I should be in school "no matter what - even if you feel bad." Funny - she's a nurse.
Anyway, I have terrible dysphoria. I used to love listening to music - it warmed my soul. Now it's like I'm listening to static. I'd pay almost anything for music to touch me the wya it used to.
It's been 15 years now that I've been battling depression. Every med, combo, ECT, VNS - my depression is extremely resistant. Researchers at teh U of Minnesota were even baffled by my case. Here's what Im on:
Adderall - 20mg TID
Klonopin 4mg qd
Hycodan ( hydrocodone - Rx by reasearchers at the U of M - helps a lot) 5 mg qd
Remeron 60mg HS
BuSpar 15mg BID
Ambien Cr 12.5mg HS
Lexapro 20mgDont know what else would help with the dysphoria. WHen I sleep - I have TERRIBLE TERRIBLE nightmares - I belive from the Remeron - but my curent doc says the Remeron should help me a lot. Is there anything to stop the nightmares?
I also go 2-4 days into hypersolomence (sp?). It's like my mind wants me to escape and forces me to sleep without taking my meds - then I'm almost ina coma like state trapped in horrific nightmares.
I'm just at such a loss. A voice inisde just keeps saying "It will all end in your suicide/death."
Anyway - thanks for the support - please keep posting or bablemail. I can use it..........
Jerry
poster:JerryPharmStudent
thread:697235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061018/msgs/697521.html