Posted by 64Bowtie on September 13, 2006, at 4:36:17
In reply to Re: A Coaching Manifesto » 64Bowtie, posted by Dinah on September 12, 2006, at 15:03:23
Until we get past our operating as we do that is ever so familiar, ways we think and feel that haven't changed since childhood, we are satisfied with the pictures our minds produce saying, "That's just the way things are!"
I suggest that this is the source of our distortions from reality that cause us all the stress in our lives... When we look around and things don't shape up in the ways we think they should, this causes us to face up to our "expectancy discrepancies", or we undergo a strain trying to keep everything working the way, "By god, we know its right!" even when it isn't... When this piles up, we go into depression because the strain becomes toooo great... This picture is similar to watching a weight-lifter trying to lift past their limit; it all comes crashing down...
The best a 5 yearold can do is to respond to others expectations of themselves... They can reason (with feelings stored by the the viscera, the gut, providing the new information), that they can expect things coming from others... With this action, they are not expressly obligating the others. However, they do expect this time to be just like last time... They lack the consept of options and optional thinking...
So the answer, emerging from this curvy road I just drew for you is, coaching thrives in options and optional thinking... Epectation/Obligation are viewed as the source of the unresolved distorions in the clients' life, so we attempt to ween the client off that ineffective behavior...
Non of this works without first acquiring a personal contract with the client... Unlike shrinks, coaches contract for a date certain for the client to realize some benefit of the coaching undergone...
Example:
David Peck, LCSW, MFCC, (California dual certified), was informed by a client that she couldn't go into elevators because that meant she would be leaving the first floor going up, and she couldn't leave 'terra firma', period!!! He asked her if she would let him help her with that so that when she left that day, she would be free of her fear of heights... She agreed, thus initiating the personal contract... W/o any hypnosis and with full eye contact between them, David proceeded to take her on a journey in which she ended up in a room on the 10th floor of a hotel, on the balcony, holding on, while looking down... I was there... I timed it... It took him 8 minutes... She "got it!" She got the soution in her mind's eye, no longer being blackmailed by terror emerging from her gut, her visceral cortex in her brain... Her vision rewrote the distorted images almost instantly... She remained a client for six months, continuing to improve in overcoming depression... Until his death, he occasionally saw her and talked with her Sundays at the church they attended... She declares today that she is forever greatful for the gift he shared with her that day......as am I, for gifts he shared with me over the years we remained friends and collaborators...
Rod
poster:64Bowtie
thread:685182
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060911/msgs/685489.html