Posted by Tamar on August 14, 2006, at 14:13:09
In reply to Not sure where this belongs, posted by Dinah on August 14, 2006, at 11:04:53
> The things that most people would have no problem with seem huge obstacles to me. Where do I park? Where do I enter? What should I wear? It's casual, so if I had a pair of jeans or something, I guess I'd wear that. But I don't. No power on earth will convince me to expose my knock knees to people I don't wish to think ill of me by wearing shorts.
Gosh, it’s not just me then. I can handle social situations when I’m not depressed, but when I am depressed I’m completely unable to decide what to wear, or figure out how to get where I’m going, or what to say to people. But you said recently you usually wear long skirts and keds. And reason why you can’t wear a long skirt and keds to this thing?
> Is it ok to stand a bit off from everyone else? I don't wish to intrude where I'm not welcome. I don't want to be stand offish either. I don't know what to say. I'm not up on popular culture after the early nineties. I don't know any of the local gossip.
Why do you assume you’re not welcome? Of course you are welcome. You don’t need to know anything about popular culture or local gossip. You’re interesting as *you*. And if the conversation touches on popular culture or local gossip, just ask: “Oh, I’ve never seen that TV show. Is it good?” or “Who’s Sylvia?” Believe me, if it’s about gossip, people will be falling over themselves to tell you who Sylvia is and why they’re talking about her. Just express an interest in what other people are talking about.
Also, I tend to think it’s much better NOT to stand a bit off from everyone else. You might well be thought stand-offish if you do that. I honestly think most people will assume you are basically OK. You might not be their new best friend and you might not have much in common with them, but I’m sure they will think you’re worth talking to.
Starting conversations is really easy if you know how. Always start with something that requires a yes or no answer, like “It hot in here, isn’t it?” or “Great music/food/location, isn’t it?” Most people will be somewhat forthcoming.
Next step is to say something about what’s going on, like “I’ve never been to X before. What’s happening over there?” Most people will give you a proper reply.
Then you say, “I’m Dinah, by the way. That’s my son over there.” Or something like that. Most people will introduce themselves and continue the conversation with you.
Some people are shy and won’t know what to say back. Some people really are stand-offish and there’s no need to talk to them. If you don’t get a friendly response with the first person, don’t assume it’s something to do with you. You might simply be talking to someone who cut her leg shaving that morning and is still irked with the whole world. If people aren’t chatty it doesn’t mean they think badly of you.
But also, lots of people like to chat. If you strike up a conversation with someone, you will be contributing to their enjoyment of the event. It’s hard to get the first words out, I know. But you don’t have to say anything hilarious or clever. Just be you.
> Overall, I'd rather get a colonoscopy than attend a social event with people that I'd rather think not badly about me.
Well, if you’re not rude and you don’t kick anyone, they’ll have no reason to think badly of you…
poster:Tamar
thread:676339
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060806/msgs/676381.html