Posted by Dinah on July 11, 2006, at 7:38:45
In reply to Why bother doing anything, I'll only fail *trigger, posted by Deneb on July 10, 2006, at 22:17:29
What people tell you has more to do with them than with you.
What you choose to do in response to what people tell you has more to do with you than with them.
What do you choose to do with your mother's words? You could choose to prove her wrong, get up this morning, and go look for a job. Or walk yourself down to your local humane society and offer to walk dogs or socialize kittens.
Your mother has her own issues, and the words that issue from her mouth are her own choices.
One step along the way to maturity is to stop seeing a link between what other people do and what you do. There can well be a link in how you feel. But when you stop thinking of terms of "So and so did this, so they made me do this..." and start thinking "So and so did this, I stopped to think about it, and decided that I would choose to...", doesn't that sound much healthier?
It's a hard thing to learn and practice. I'm still doing it and I have at least twenty years on you. Helping my son learn those lessons has helped me as well. Having a therapist helped me learn those lessons, because he just won't let me get away with that.
You don't want a therapist who will talk to you about your past or about transference, and that's fine. There are plenty of therapists out there who will delve into this sort of thinking.
poster:Dinah
thread:665913
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060709/msgs/665991.html