Posted by Damos on March 22, 2006, at 15:49:35
In reply to letting it all hang out...*****TRIGGER*****, posted by alesta on March 22, 2006, at 10:29:58
It's so nice to see you :-)
> do you ever feel like you pissed ppl off and aren't sure why?
All the time. And let them down without meaning to. Especially the ones I care about the most, what's with that?
> i am totally alone right now, here and irl.
I'm sorry you feel like that, I really am. I know it's hard to believe but there are people here who love and care about you, and who miss you lots when they don't see your tag for a while, who wonder where you are and whatya doin and if you're okay.
>my bf doesn't even spend time with me. (oh, except for sex of course.:/) i finally stopped crying over it. (i just cry on the inside.) yet he wants to marry me and have kids with me. i know in his own way he loves me. but neglect and abuse have become the bane of my existence. and pain...always...manifesting in several forms simultaneously.
:-(
:-(
:-(
You deserve better, we all do, and you can have it. I know it seems like it will never happen, I know that feeling so well, but it can. I can only ask you to trust me on this.
> i know i'm being abused, but it's hard to really absorb that fact...i think i'm the queen of denial.So you'll be changing your tag to Cleopatra then? Well she was the Queen of d'Nile wasn't she ;-)
>i am isolating, and turn down ppl's offers to do things/talk. i no longer have any friends. i suppose i want to be alone, yet...i don't want to be rejected.
These things are so hard to admit aren't they? And they're even harder to stop doing. I mess this up so often and I know it hurts people who really care about me. Please try, if only with us to start with. You don't need to be anything but you for us, you can be as messy and messed up and confused and contradictory as you like. We just care about you, whoever and however that is. Your just being you and just being here with us is enough, always enough.
> i really am alone. does anyone care? at all? i'm going to go cry now...sorry...i am pretty depressed...and when i get depressed it always seems to snowball..this post is probably going to make it worse. i don't want ppl to feel like the *have* to try and make me feel better.Yes, plenty of anyones care, they post "thinking about you" posts and there are plenty of others who might not post cause they don't want to embarrass you or whatever, but who are secretly glad when they see you respond to one of those or just pop in and post. People care about you, they really do. You cry if you need to. sometimes it really does help. Sure don't feel like I have to try and make you feel better. Sure feel like I want to though. And maybe all it'll do is help it hurt a little tiny bit less, I don't know.
> i will never give up, but...this life has been a freakin nightmare. i'm not claiming to have had it the worst, but jeez, short of physical pain, it sure does *feel* like it. is it ok to say that without offending ppl? it is difficult for me not to be bitter and hate the world. but i make attempting to love ppl a priority...i have to.
>
> i think i feel a bit better. sorry if this was too heavy...i have a bad habit of communicating everything to you ppl. maybe this is not a good thing? i normally do try not to think of this stuff, but we all have our moments...i'm sorry for the negativity.Please don't be sorry. There are times I so wish I could post posts like this, just get out there. It's not too heavy, too much, too negative okay. It's how you're feeling and that's important to us.
> and why are some ppl not meant to be loved?Can only speak for myself here, and until very recently I truly believed I couldn't love or be loved and I was so wrong.
I'm sorry for then, and for now and for your hurts and your hurting. Please don't fall back into that place, don't want you to be hurt.
Thank you for sharing so much, must be so hard to see it there, but it means a lot that you would trust us with it, with you.
((((((((((Amy))))))))))
poster:Damos
thread:623328
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060318/msgs/623396.html