Posted by TexasChic on December 9, 2005, at 16:43:31
In reply to Re: Ongoing saga..., posted by TexasChic on December 9, 2005, at 15:40:23
Well, today I went on with the not talking to cute boy, even when several of us all went out to lunch together. Afterwards, back at work, he said the first and only thing to me in a week (keep in mind we sit next to each other). He showed me his fortune cookie. It said, "God will give you everything you want." I couldn't help but laugh. He was like, 'If it comes true, I may have to start believing in him". Then I went back to ignoring him. But he's heard me say in reference to someone else that I can't be rude to someone's face if they're being friendly. So who knows what he thinks.
I figure it breaks down to this: he is either (1) completely oblivious, (2) doesn't know what's wrong with me and is afraid to ask, or (3) he's been ignoring me on purpose to try to give me a clue he's not interested. I don't think it would be so bad if it weren't for the gorgeous new young girl that I keep seeing him talking to. I'm like, yeah, he has no problem talking to her.
Then later today I heard a co-worker & gorgeous girl talking, something about ages, (she's the youngest one in our department now), and it sounded like the co-worker said, "You'll have fun with (cute boy's name)", like they were going out or something. But she might have said, "We made fun of (cute boy's name) ", because we have always made fun of him for being the youngest. The latter makes more sense, but I sat there steaming anyway (it's funny how the logical part of your mind can know one thing, but the other part just won't listen). One thing I do know is I've heard her mention having a boyfriend. Plus, cute boy has made that coment about it not being a good idea to date co-workers. But the whole paranoia thing strikes and I start freaking out. I've tried to tell myself, even if they did start going out, I would just have to deal and move on. But I guess the not knowing for sure is what makes it hard.
I know this whole thing is completely stupid. I just thought maybe if I could write it out here, and read how stupid it sounds, it might help. I know I need to let it go. And I know later I'll wonder why I thought I liked him so much. This is kind of a pattern for me. But all that doesn't help me with the feelings of the here and now.
The other thing I heard today was cute boy talking to the other people we hang out with about going out somewhere. I heard them saying, "Maybe, we'll see". I didn't hear everything, but they always let me know about those kind of things. Anyway, I couldn't help but think if it does come up, and its just our group of five as usual, what am I going to do? Should I just keep not talking to him? Should I give it up in order to not make things difficult for anyone else (not that they've noticed)? Should I not even go? Then I started thinking, "Oh my God, what if he brings that girl!?!?" I'm tempted not to go just to make a statement if nothing else. But then I would have to explain to the others, and I don't really want to share this with them.
The other thing I've been worrying about is the next time we have bowling. I can't decide weather or not I should go. If I were to go, I would probably lose my resolve and just start talking to him again. But then I feel like I'm letting myself be used, like I'm good enough to talk to at bowling, but not at work. On the other hand, everytime I have a situation like this, if I end up going ahead and forcing myself to participate, I always end up glad I did. That's because its usually my paranoia talking, and it usually isn't right. There is still the small possibility that he has no clue what's going on, and doesn't realize he's been ignoring me. I don't know.
I just needed to write this out in order to think it through. Thanks for listening.
-T
P.S. On the way home from work I deleted him number out of my phone. It was my attempt to let this go.
poster:TexasChic
thread:584293
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051203/msgs/587490.html