Posted by Chrispy_85 on October 24, 2005, at 8:30:48
i'm sorry everybody for being so stupid and worrying you all. i didn't mean to. i just don't think that i should drink anymore. when i drink a lot, it just seems to relieve the pain so much for a while, but then it just turns around so fast. i have thought about killing myself before, but everybody thinks about it once or twice. but i actually tried to end my life. and now i just feel so guilty about it. to think how it would affect everyone else in my life just makes me really sad. but at the same time, i just feel like i'm a burden to them even though they are all so supportive. i don't understand why i feel this way. i'm just very scared right now. i'm having panic attacks just from the fear of having them. and all that goes through my head when i'm having one is that i'm going to die, i'm going to die. it's like no matter how prepared for them i think i am, nothing can stop them and the same thing goes through my head every time. i guess it's just something that i'll have to learn to accept and live with. but it's just eating away at me right now. it feels like there's a constant battle for control going on inside me and i'm just so exhausted all of the time because of it. i just don't know if i can take it. it's making me go nuts. or at least that's what it feels like. i'm sorry everybody for being so stupid and scaring you. thank you for your caring though, it does help a bit.
-chris
poster:Chrispy_85
thread:571301
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051021/msgs/571301.html