Posted by TamaraJ on May 26, 2005, at 20:55:08
In reply to I feel like doing a bad bad thing *trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2005, at 20:07:27
I will be blunt - No it does not make sense, it does not make sense at all. I can understand, perhaps, your need or desire to understand what happened to you, what your previous overdose did to your system, and what tests and treatments you required when your were hospitalized, but the need to recreate the experience is not healthy IMO. You would be playing a dangerous game, kind of like a russian roulette with pills. And, although you say you are pretty sure you won't die, you may not be completely aware of the damage that could be inflicted on your body. Jenny, please don't play around with your life. It is not worth it.
Tamara
> My Mom recently broke her wrist. Being in a hospital brought up some strange desires in me. I feel like I need to know and understand every single detail of what happened to me when I ODed. I want to remember every single little detail of what happened to me in the hospital. I feel like I want to re-create my OD to see what will happen this time.
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> The hospital my Mom went to was very very busy. I want to see if there are differences in treatment depending on which hospital one goes to. I want to see what will happen to me if I take more than I did last time. I want to see if I will be saved or not. I don't know why I want to do this. I need to know exactly what happned to me. I feel like doing it over again just to remember more details. This is a very stupid and irrational thing to think...I don't know why I want to do this. I don't think I want to die...I think I want to risk my life to do an experiment.
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> I want to see what will happen if I take more, maybe mix in 2 extra drugs and not tell anyone. Will the doctors there be smart enough to make a correct diagnosis? I feel like testing the system to see if it works.
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> This is not good...I'm pretty sure I won't die and this makes me more bold. I know I won't die if I do this. I feel like doing this, but I don't want to end up in the psych ward again. I don't want to be a human pin cushion again...I'm afraid of needles. What is the matter with me? I want to go out tomorrow to get the drugs needed for my cocktail. I need to understand exactly what happens to me when I OD...I feel like I need to know everything...all the lab test results etc., to make sense of it all...to analyse it. Do I make sense?
>
> Deneb (jenny) u's 2b Shy_Girl
poster:TamaraJ
thread:503343
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050525/msgs/503365.html