Posted by KaraS on May 6, 2005, at 19:25:07
In reply to Still struggling., posted by partlycloudy on May 6, 2005, at 7:21:03
> Every day is a steep uphill climb. I have started on Provigil this week and find the results vary day to day. Sometimes I feel better, mostly I am sweaty and quite anxious by the end of the work day. Underlying the Provigil is my sturdy depression. At the moment it is the most stable aspect of my days and nights.
> I haven't been able to drag myself to the gym for a few weeks, and I don't care.
> My husband has been out of town all week, the fridge is empty, and I don't care.
> The big accomplishment of the week was moving the cat's litter tray back to her very own bathroom after last weekend's houseguests left. Luckily the cat was aware of the move.
>
> Working also continues to be uncomfortable and anxious. I'm unable to deal with anything but the most mundane of tasks without losing my concentration. I am getting very good at photocopying. I still have not decided what action to take about staying or leaving, as I promised myself I would let this cloud (pardon the self pun) of gloominess pass first. it's not ready to move on yet.
>
> Yet I have my oases. This place, of course. My family, who rallies around me via email and phone calls (if I deign to answer the phone, caller ID is a mixed bag for someone good at isolating themself). My husband feels concerned and powerless to help; his unwavering support and compassion makes me cry just to think of. My regular contact with special Babble friends helps to ground me and I cherish their companionship. I can recognize that there are people who care for me and love me. But this is not a shield against the abject melancholy that enrobes me.
I too am struggling with the melancholy. It seems to have a will of its own. I hate the fact that I can't control the tears. I well up at the slightest provocation. A corny tv advertisement is often enough to set me off. Hopefully when you find the right combination of medications, the melancholy will be gone. One thing you might ask your doctor about is switching to a different beta blocker. They can cause or increase depression. Some may be less likely to have this result than others though.Hope you feel better soon.
Kara
poster:KaraS
thread:494422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/494683.html