Posted by corafree on March 25, 2005, at 12:06:19
There may be some of you who know that I recently lost my father, and at that time I sort of 'lost my fam' of origin, also.'
Currently my mother has offered me a deal - it involves one of the properties she owns. She has but a lot of her inheritance into a business, and also owns 4-5 properties.
Her deal is to offer me security - a single-wide manufactured home at a 55+ park where you own the land on which your home sits.
Although have had frequent 'real bad' times in last couple years (time participating here), I've really had 'hard' times for 25+ yrs.
If you wonder why I have nothing - Although I've had marriages and relationships that lasted many yrs, I have never walked away w/ protection. What I mean is, I don't think of what I will NEED or maybe don't know how to LOOK OUT FOR ME once a relationship ends.
Also, the last relationship was w/ thievery and lying (he would do anything for his meth habit).
So, as I have awaited my 'fam of origin' to extend a helping hand, she has finally done so!
Do you know how much I value independence? I value it more than all the money in the world.
My new goal is to see myself, myself. I will not judge myself through others' eyes or judge myself by my environment. I also will not let others or my environment judge me.
What I'm getting at here is that I sort of feel like 'I'm being put out to pasture' in my mother's offer.
She would never live there and she is 74y/o. My neighbors will be the age of my parents! How will I feel if I left this effect me (see above re my insecurity and learning to not judge myself or not let others judge me).
My father bought it from her shortly before he died, and he lived there maybe a month or so.
My fam' of origin is successful. My mother is like a 'golden child'; has had everything she has wanted.
She wants to sell the property I currently live in. She has a wonderful home in a 55+ that is right by my three children. But, it is twice as valuable as the manufactured home, which is not that much closer to my children than I am now.
I emailed my siblings asking them if they would share in the acceptance of this offer, if I were to do it. Not one responded.
Nevertheless, my mother (think can tell by emails) remains in a position to offer me this.
She would sell where I live now, and build a house, identical to the one here near my children, by my siblings in another state.
Is this too rambling. Does anyone get my soul-searching here?
Yes, I must learn humility, but will I lose my individualism in a 55+ park, as 'no more judging' is, at this point, just a goal of mone.
I have always valued individualism. I've learned lately that I need to make 'humility' a goal.
Indivduality, humility; will I lose this chance if I accept her offer; her offer feels like a hand-out or sorts.
I am finally on a good drug regimen and feeling clear in mind and thoughts! I 'do not' look, act, or behave my age. I play rock-n-roll and home dressed in tapestries and beads. Will I fit in there, I wonder.
Sorry long; anyone who has time, can I talk w/ somene a bit?
appreciate, cf
poster:corafree
thread:475399
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050316/msgs/475399.html