Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on March 23, 2005, at 15:31:37
In reply to Re: I also think » Gabbi-x-2, posted by alexandra_k on March 23, 2005, at 14:17:00
> But I don't understand why the people who go would be seen as 'representative'.
>It's not necessarily that they *are* representative, but I can easily see why it could feel that way, (as well as why it wouldn't) simply by the fact that they are who will be meeting Dr. Bob. It's true that there are other ways that one could make themselves known, somehow the visual is distinctive.
> > that what is hurtful, or unnecessary and what is a "lesson" is a very personal decision.
>
> Absolutely. It is all in the way you see it...
>
> >When I am told that something very painful for me is a lesson, or something "god wants me to learn" it does nothing but make me feel condescended too.
>
> Ah. I apologise if it sounded like I thought it 'should' be a lesson... I just meant that it could be - if we choose to view it that way. And if you do choose to view it that way then it doesn't feel so bad if you can't go. Whereas if you don't choose to view it that way then one would tend to feel hurt and resentful etc. But the choice is ours it is true. I didn't mean to sound condescending. I just meant that there is nothing we can do about it. It is going to happen. So we have to choose how to view it and that choice affects how we feel about it and whether we are going to feel really bad about it or not.
>Oh it's not just you, it's a popular viewpoint, my mother says it to me ALL the time.. and it's definitely valid, anything can be a lesson, but I do still feel that it's up to me to figure it out though. Somehow when it's told to me, I bristle, because it's a given isn't it? If I'm talking about being hurt usually I just want my hurt acknowledged.
I can't imagine saying to someone whose been abused, "well I guess this is your lesson to learn" even though they may well learn from it. It's personal though, I mean sometimes people say things like "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger" or "God doesn't give you anything you cán't handle" and those bother me too, It's not everyone though.> Just trying to point out that one can choose to take it that way... If one wants to...
>
I think it's in the timing.
poster:Gabbi-x-2
thread:474363
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050316/msgs/474666.html