Posted by jujube on November 10, 2004, at 8:19:22
In reply to Just back from hospital. Need everyone's strength, posted by saw on November 10, 2004, at 2:36:25
My thoughts are with you Sabrina during this difficult time.
Tamara
> Wow. Nothing prepared me for this. Nothing.
>
> I was with Dad last night and again for a short bit this morning.
>
> I knew that I would be finding him hooked up to machines and things but was still so taken aback to see just what all is needed to help him stay alive. I was alone with him for a while and very grateful for this.
>
> His wife had mentioned that he had been completely unresponsive so far but when I held his hand, spoke with him, told him I was there and thay my brother (who is in the US) was there in spirit, he opened his eyes and looked straight at me. I could see that he was enormously frustrated and dare I say, his heart beat accelerated which is not a good thing, so I just soothed him and touched him a lot and continued to speak quietly to him. He tried to communicate with me a number of times and my own frustration was real when stubborn tears squeezed out of his eyes. Then I started feeling the pain of the whole thing.
>
> Medically, the prognosis is very poor. He has an exclusive trauma nurse with him at all times. He has angina, congenital heart failure, hypertension and his diabetes have complicated his now failing kidneys. I believe that his lungs are clotting and they are doing their best to try and keep them clear. He is being fed morphine, dormicum (*love that stuff*), dopamine (who woulda thought) and various other antibiotics and things through the countless pipes and drips. His blood pressure was dangerously low this morning and they were checking him every 5 minutes. He did not respond to me this morning but I could feel in his breathing that he knew I was there.
>
> I cried buckets last night (with him and at home) but have kept it in this morning.
>
> I know Dad is a fighter. I know that this is frighteningly frustrating for him. But I feel this is beyond his power and I said goodbye to him (quietly, that is) last night and this morning and will do this again when I visit him tonight.
>
> Apparently my love for him was there all the time. Just piled under years of lack of communication.
>
> I am fighting very hard to not focus on what if and what could have been. I have enough mental issues to deal with to have to try and cope with that.
>
> I do love him, and I will miss him and I could use everyone's strength right now as I face saying goodbye to my daddy!
>
> Forgive my scattered post. I am feeling quite raw at the moment and my thoughts are racing.
>
> Sabrina
>
>
poster:jujube
thread:413651
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041105/msgs/414152.html