Posted by partlycloudy on October 10, 2004, at 9:03:09
In reply to Re: Setting firm boundaries » Dinah, posted by Fi on October 10, 2004, at 8:48:57
I've gone all around the block with my mom. From loving her, to admiring her. then loathing, hating, pitying, and now accepting her.
It helps that we live at opposite ends of 2 countries. I took me a long time in therapy to recognize her passive agression for what it was. I was able to confront her, and during that time I became aware of and more sensitive to her limitations. She just shuts out what she finds unpleasant, like sticking her fingers in her ears and saying "lalalalalala". When we had the storms last month she advised me not to watch the Weather Channel because it would upset me. Hmmm, it might also show me if I needed to evacuate my home.
When I get to a low point and Need My Mommy, she is no mommy to me. I used to call her when I was upset or wanted another opinion, and now I save my breath.
I don't blame her completely for how I turned out, but she only ever had her own interests at heart. She never wanted a family, and made that very clear to me, at least.
Dinah, I think that hating your mother at a time like this is natural. Don't see it as a step backwards, but another development in how you relate to her. I hear a lot of hurt in your posts about her, too, and plenty of fear. I think her limitations are being revealed during all these difficulties, and she is striking back at the only way she knows how.
Protect yourself, Dinah.
pc
poster:partlycloudy
thread:400979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041010/msgs/401121.html