Posted by daisym on August 20, 2004, at 21:58:06
In reply to Daisy? Are you ok?, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2004, at 13:45:35
...but I'm really trying not to fragment completely. I had to fly east for a family emergency early this week. Which means staying at my dad's house. First time in 5 years. My husband couldn't come but I made my big brother. I'm not sleeping at all, I miss my Therapist horribly and I'm withdrawn so far in myself I can't see how I'll ever open up to him again. He doesn't know I'm here, he doesn't know what happened. He left me before all of this. To make matters worse, my dad pulled out a ton of old photo's today he wanted to share...of me as a young child with my siblings and old houses we use to live in. Yesterday he took my brother and me to see our old house out here. He is really trying. But if you've read any of my posts, you know that walking through our old houses is one of the techniques my therapist has used to get some of this out. So I feel like I'm being emotionally tortured. And he doesn't even know it...he just doesn't. It's like a switch flipped for him when I was 22 and everything prior didn't happen. And I'm glad he's changed. But right now, I can't cope with all of this. I feel the weight of the depression. I hear the little kid me screaming in my head for her therapist. I feel the weight in my chest. I feel hopeless.
And you'd never know it. I'm doing what I came out here to do. I'm care-taking, cooking, cleaning and being the dutiful daughter. To top it all off, things at work are falling apart and I'm getting hourly emails from my staff telling on each other and telling me to fix it. I can't help them right now. So that adds to the guilt.
Sorry...shouldn't dump all this out there. I signed on tonight and was touched that you asked. I wish I was offering more support to the Therapist on Vacation club, but I just can't right now. I'm going home Monday. I have to or I'll completely fall apart out here. And that would never, never be acceptable.
Sob. Tears. Need a hug.
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:379976
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/380179.html