Posted by Indie on July 16, 2004, at 10:40:54
In reply to Deeprooted issues, posted by Jess24 on July 15, 2004, at 16:33:02
Hi Jess,
I am new here, but I wanted to give you my 2 cents. I too used to attract the "wrong" sort of people in my life. The proplems always arose when I would meet somebody during a depression. I was so desperate to have somebody to hang onto and so insecure that I would go with the first person that came along that was willing to "help" me through my hard times. Unfortunately they always ended up trying to control me. When the depression past, they always wanted me to need them and remain weak. However, when I am not depressed, I am a very strong and willful person and know my own self worth. I simply had to learn to not forge relationships when I am down. I learned to depend on my friends and family when I am this way (as I am right now). Unfortunately, most of the men that I have met when I am strong are wonderful people but ultimately can't deal with the mood swings...But I am certain that I will some day meet somebody who can love both the strong me and the depressed me.
What I am ttying to say is that I attract the wrong people when I am down on myself. Learn to love yourself more and I believe that you will learn to find the right sort of person for you. (Of course me telling you to love yourself is a grand hipocrasy as I am more down on myself now than I have ever been, but at least know not to look for Mr. Right until I am on my feet again.)
I don't know if this pertains to you but I thought it might give a little insight.
Hugs.
Indie
> Can you please help me - I don't really know where to start!
>
> I have this incredible ability to attract people that are so 'wrong' for me. I give my all and end up so broken and bruised - this seems to be a pattern and I just can't seem to get out of it.
>
> I recently met somebody that seemed to be so stable, so caring and appeared to have a lot to offer but again, I was left unhappy and misraeble. He seemed to turn on me after all the lovely things he said at the start - putting me down, picking on everything I did, trying to make me feel so bad about myself. However, I realised what he was doing and put a stop to it but I just cannot understand what it is in me that attracts people like this? I feel so sorry for him because he has been through so much in his life but then, so have I but I have been for counselling and have managed to overcome a lot of my problems, have achieved so much and am such a strong person.
>
> I have been quite content being on my own despite the loneliness at times and when he came along I thought that finally Mr Right has appeared - we wanted the same things, shared the same dreams. We talked for hours and found that we both don't want or need the problems we have experienced - so why did I not recognise that he was just the same as the ones before? I decided that I couldn't do this again and ended the relationship (if one can call it that!) because I just can't bear to go through it again, being put down constantly, been made to feel inferior, insecure, and so anxious that I find life a struggle.
>
> I know that we 'allow' people to do things to us but why can I not spot people that are 'dangerous'. I am so vulnerable and so unsure of myself and even though I recognise this, I still keep making the same mistakes.
>
> How do you change a lifelong pattern and stop allowing people with severe problems into your life?
>
> Thanks for 'listening'
poster:Indie
thread:366591
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/366832.html