Posted by ghost on July 12, 2004, at 12:22:10
In reply to Re: ghost's road trip 2004, posted by ghost on July 8, 2004, at 11:33:19
it's interesting how having so much "fun," one can still feel out of place and lonely. i've seen a lot of people but related to almost none of them, and even the one person i could relate to, it was hard to open up and i didn't spend nearly enough time with her to open up anyway. oddly, when i read about and infer everyone's friendships here on babble, it makes me feel sad-- i still feel like an outsider sometimes. it's funny how my feelings and thoughts flipflip from fun and happy to sad and lonely. it just goes to show that we're never cured... our symptoms are only controlled (somteimes). i'm sure it doesnt help that i'm currently sitting in a coffeeshop in a city where i spent the four years of my life prior to the one i spent in lincoln-- where i left an exgf of nearly 4 years, an undergraduate education that burned me out, among other things. i'm surrounded by sad memories.
i'm supposed to meet with some family friends for dinner. one is home, but i don't feel very close to him (sometimes he creeps me out anyway), so i don't want to be there alone with him... so i'm killing time until the woman i do know well enough gets home from work. few more hours. a few more hours, and i don't think i'll come back here.
i called my exgf because i forgot i had a birthday present for her (i'm a sucker, but she sends me stuff too), but no answer. might be for the best. i'll mail it to her when i get to nh. that might be for the best. not sure i could handle seeing too many people from my past... it's my past that put me in this state. (on the other hand, it's made me who i am...)
maybe i just needed to ramble and get this out. maybe i shouldn't have ruined the upbeat thread of the roadtrip with this post. but i guess this is my thread and i can do what i want with it. and like most things in my life, there seems to be a sad undertone to it. i'm having fun, but it's all on the surface. deep down, i'm still me. sad and alone. you can change the background, but the big picture is still the same.
poster:ghost
thread:358868
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/365327.html