Posted by deirdrehbrt on July 7, 2004, at 18:14:24
Hi guys,
I hope I'm not offending anyone with my sparce visibility here. I'm still going through lots as far as my last episode. I had therapy, it was rough. Many things are still difficult. I've been living a bit more than usual inside my head.I went to the doctor today, and emotionally it was taxing. Hearing "I have a few women patients who were severely ab*sed, and they are very much like you". They are words that are obviosly intended to be supportive, but the wounds are still very close to the surface, and it doesn't take much to irritate or open them.
My therapist wants me to join a support group for survivors of s*xual ab*se. Saying it here, or to a few select friends who I need to understand is one thing. Saying it in a group? That's so scary. It also means admitting it in a public way to me. I'm very good at denying things. I can get hit by a baseball bat across the face and not admit I'm hurt! This though is high stakes for me.
I'm scared again. This is real work, and I'm scared. I want to cry. I've figured that if I don't remember it, it's not exactly real. Blast the X-rays, blast the psychological symptoms; I don't remember it, it's not real. I want it to go away.
I've remembered a little bit though... some pictures. I could be doing it just to explain why my hips are both injured. Maybe it's not real. But my hips were injured before I even went to school. And there are other things that I can't explain.
Sorry... excessive reflecting. The main point is that I'm probably going to be a bit scarse for a little while. I love you all, but right now it takes alot of energy to do all I need and I don't have much left.
Dee.
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:363814
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/363814.html