Posted by tabitha on May 1, 2004, at 11:00:14
In reply to I'm Finally Up, posted by SandyWeb on May 1, 2004, at 9:03:32
Wow Sandy, that's quite an ordeal. You're a really good writer. Your story brought up my memories of my one and only attempt, in college. I got the lovely charcoal, and the tube up the nose, the whole traumatic ER deal. I don't really remember them asking my permission for any of it. I stayed overnight at the hospital then was dumped out on the street. I didn't even get a psych consult. I just talked to a nurse and a volunteer and very briefly to a doctor, who just insisted I let them contact my parents. As if my parents would fix it-- ha! I was 21 or 22. I remember how alienating it was getting out. I went out the wrong door of the hospital and ended up on a loading dock, then walked across town alone in the early morning. I had some aftermath to worry about. During my wild night, I had not only swallowed lots of pills and alcohol, but had broken into a house of a boy I was brokenhearted over and did a little vandalizing. Thank goodness he and his roommates didn't press charges.
I had a referral to a counselor but I was so embarrassed I just wanted to pretend it never happened. My story was 'I was just drunk and upset over a boy'. The truth was I had deep depression since my teens, and was barely hanging on. I didn't really get any mental health care for another 5 years or so.
Sandy when I look back at that I'm just sad that I was afraid to get help and struggled along for so many more years. Eventually, with good enough meds, and lots of therapy, things got a lot better. I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say.. just that when I hear your story, I wish I could say something to prod you in the direction of rebuilding your life, and get help integrating the experience you've had. The fact that you're here posting about it tells me you're much further along in helping yourself than I was after my attempt. Death has an allure, but it's false. It isn't the relief of pain, it's nothingness, and heartache for your survivors. I wish you healing.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's healing for me to revisit my own memories.
poster:tabitha
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/342178.html