Posted by LynneDa on March 29, 2004, at 12:27:06
In reply to (((Geri))), posted by sfmom on March 29, 2004, at 11:37:23
Hi Geri - it's very good to hear from you, I was wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well.
You are not weak just because you need help getting through this time. I know it feels embarrassing, I've struggled with that thought too. But, I really urge you to contact one of the numbers Lyssa gave you.
Great news that you tried the self-medication route and realized it was a bust. There's nothing like getting it over and done with early in your life instead of struggling with it way into adulthood :-). Please don't beat yourself up over that. It's over and done with. Everyone I know has gone thru some sort of "experimentation" stage. Your sister probably will in college if she doesn't do it in high school.
Your friends. People have a hard time sticking by someone who is going through a hard time. They don't know what to say or do. They may be confusing your depression with stand-offish-ness. They just may not know how to read you or what to say or do. They are dealing with their own issues and may not have any extra energy to give to you. Teens (and people in general) are fearful of people who make different choices. Your choice to party probably did push them away. I would talk to them and tell them you know it was wrong, it was a phase and now you're done with it. You may have to take the first step with this. Sometimes people don't want to be close to a person who is struggling emotionally because it reminds them too much how fragile they are as well. It's like they're afraid it will rub off on them!!
Try not to take it too personally, because you'll only end up being disappointed! I'm not trying to be negative, but realistic. Please realize how strong you are on the inside. Don't give up trying to reach people. Someone will eventually click with you and be able to listen and share their own struggles. You just haven't found him or her yet.
Geri - Can you list out what the issues are right now in your life? Just feeling depressed? But what does it lead to or what are the causes. If we are going to attack and fix ourselves, we have to know what we're dealing with. Feeling like everything you do is wrong? Keep a journal about your decisions and actions. Are they really that wrong? Is there really nothing you do right? Who defines right and wrong for you? What are the motivations behind your actions - maybe those are okay, but they were just misperceived and maybe you can explain or write in a note what you really meant.
These are the kinds of things you can talk over with a counselor, once you've unloaded about feeling blah, depressed, etc. They will take things event by event and help you unravel them. Right now, it feels like you've got this big tangled ball of yarn and it's hard to see where things begin and end and how to get it all straightened out, isn't it?
I really wish I could be there in person to talk to you face to face or take you to someone anonymous! Talk therapy really does help sort things through. It takes the pressure off, gives you something tangible to work on in your life.
Please keep writing. I loved your poem. It hit the nail on the head for many people, I am sure. I'm sorry you feel alone and betrayed. You are not weak, you are wise because of your experiences and introspection. We just have to get you through your agony so you can enjoy these years in your life!!! YOU are important!
~ Lynne
poster:LynneDa
thread:284151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/329865.html