Posted by 8 Miles on January 27, 2004, at 18:25:18
In reply to I think I need help, fast., posted by daydreamer on January 27, 2004, at 11:20:55
I guess, Dreamer, that a few things need to be worked out by you. What was the fuss that involved your partner? Did it produce some strong feelings of guilt when you left her abruptly? Do you think she was worrying about you when you left? Did you leave as "punishement" to her for some reason? When you used the CDs, was that a cutting you were attempting, or suicide? Then, why do you feel "foolish" now? ARE you suicidal, have you been hospitalized before as a potential theat to self or others? Do you think it could be entirely a medical issue because of the Lamactil?
You say you "don't know what to do", however, you DID post about it, so that suggests that you want some advice and input from us. It is ,indeed, difficult to even think about what you went through, let alone knowing it all really happened.
What do you THINK you should do? What do you WANT to do? Do you see your docs and counselors more as a threat to you, or a safe place to spill your guts? Have you now been able to speak to your partner, and have you "worked out" whatever may have sparked that series of events? I KNOW that this all sounds like "rough stuff" to you. But I am of the opinion that problems don't generally go away on their own. You may prolong having to deal with them for NOW, but they will haunt you even longer, and potentially HARM you a whole lot more than if you faced them now. I know what I write out of direct experience, not just postulation. Therefore, I feel "safe" about writing such things. It was because of someone talking to me like this that I was able to turn away from the lure of the so-called "freedom" of death. So, sit down, write out your thoughts, keep a running journel where you can refer back to see how you were last week, month or year. I have journels for several years. It's sometimes amusing...sometimes enlightening to re-read your own thoughts and feelings. I think you WANT this all resolved. I don't think you want to die, or you would have made more proficient efforts that were well planned, and well timed....not spontaneous. Your move...ask what you want, tell us what you need, tell us how you feel. I REALLY hope that after you digest this, you will NOT see it as any negative reflection against you. I am sincere in offering to help if that is what you want.Good luck!
8
poster:8 Miles
thread:306031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040120/msgs/306179.html