Posted by reluctant on January 7, 2004, at 19:46:07
In reply to Re: here it is . . . » reluctant, posted by Journeyman on January 6, 2004, at 23:12:08
Where in central Maine? I moved up & down the coast during my teenage years. I kind of miss it, tho it's a tough place to live. Portland's nice & doing much better these days . . . not so many empty storefronts.I'm very sorry about the loss of your dad. It's brave of you to work with it so consciously. I nearly lost my sister last year and it sort of pushed me over an edge that I was dangling my legs over to begin with - not only depression, but also The Big Questions (or the Big Truths - whichever) that I had been trying to ignore for a long time, and which Buddhism asks you to look square in the eye. I think we see our mortality through our family - though I didn't expect to find it in my sister, who's close to my age. Luckily for me, for all of us, I never had to find out what I would do when I lost her; I can't imagine losing my father. It sounds like a year after the fact you are doing well, considering.
Hmm . . . tomorrow I'll see my crushee at a meeting (gulp). it's sweet of you to say he's lucky to talk to me - sadly I don't do as well in person. writing is nice because it gives me time. I don't feel like I'm disguising myself or fabricating my personality online - but I can't say that I'm as open in person, not usually - or as articulate, unless I'm so fired up about something that I forget about myself for a moment. I actually surprise myself by posting on this board - I never really have, anywhere, before. The social aspect of the web - beyond e-mail - baffles me, the whole idea of an online community. I really enjoy chatting with you, too - don't get me wrong. but talking with others this way does feel like hiding, in a way. Interaction on the web is much safer than in real life, and it's real life interaction that I so badly need to re-learn now. (ok, I know, this *is* real life - but only a small part of it, vastly edited . . . you know what I mean. the computer in between fictionalizes everything a bit - not by lying neccessarily, but by abstracting for sure). Maybe that's why 9 times out of ten, I'll send an e-mail rather than give someone a call . . . much more comfortable.
But enough of that! I've baked an apple; I intend to eat it. oh, but first to answer some of your questions: I was raised on Monty Python (thanks, Dad!) and loved Blackadder (tho not so fond of Mr. Bean) and Fawlty Towers and the Hitchhikers Trilogy (guess who wasn't sitting at the popular table at school). Don't know the others you mention . . .
as for buddhist readings - started with alan watts The Wisdom of Insecurity, did quite a bit of online research, read some S. Suzuki & others - definitely heading in the Soto Zen direction - and spent some time at a monastery in NY this spring. Daydreamed a lot about becoming a monastic - but then I guess I'd have to sit every day, huh. (not doing so well with that)
For a fun read about Zen practice, try Thank You and OK! by David Chadwick (tales of an american zen buddhist in Japan)
that was quite a ramble. my apple's getting cold. Take care -
-r.
poster:reluctant
thread:297419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/297827.html