Posted by fallsfall on December 31, 2003, at 15:51:17
In reply to Re: Saturday, posted by geri122 on December 31, 2003, at 10:14:20
(This is really long. I'm sorry. If you don't want to read a long post, let me know and I'll try to summarize it. I want you to be able to feel better.)
Boy do I understand not wanting the world to know you are depressed.
The first time my doctor said anything about depression was in October or November (many years ago). I had a lot of back pain, and he had tried everything - medication, heat/ice, physical therapy. Finally he ran one more test and said that if it came back negative that we were going to need to talk about depression. The test was negative, but I didn't go back to talk to him because I was terrified. For many of the same reasons you are.
Then in January, my best friend confronted me and told me that something was wrong with me, and that I was driving her crazy. I put 2 and 2 together and knew that I was depressed. I was scared to go talk to my doctor, but I knew that I would have a problem with my friend, and that ignoring it hadn't made it better - it was getting worse.
So I made an appointment with my doctor and told him I thought I was depressed. He agreed and referred me to a therapist. I'm really glad I did that. But it was really hard to do. I DO understand that part.
What the world thinks about depression. Well, it isn't the best thing to have, but it really is getting more and more common. I don't tell everyone, but I tell most people if it comes up. Almost all of them have a close friend or relative who is depressed or has been recently - it is amazing. I keep trying to find people who AREN"T depressed. Every time I make a new friend and think they are "normal" I find out that they have some mental illness. There are people who don't understand and think it means that you are lazy. But I find that most people really are compassionate - and honestly ask if there is something they can do to help. But - you don't HAVE to tell anyone you don't want to. Lots of people keep it a secret (which is why there are more people who have depression than you think!). Letting other people know about my depression hasn't hurt me at all.
What do you think would happen if people did find out? What would happen if your friends found out? Do you think it would affect you at school? At work when you are older? I'm not sure what you think would happen.
I didn't want to tell my boss when I was working because I didn't want him to avoid giving me hard assignments, thinking I wasn't strong enough to handle them. Eventually I did tell him, and he tried to work with me to figure out how I could do stuff at work without getting too stressed. He really was wonderful.
Some people are jerks. But maybe you don't want to have much to do with them anyway.
Drugs. You CAN refuse to take medication. My sister has refused medication for years. That is a choice that YOU can make.
Side effects. The side effects that you hear about are POSSIBLE with the medication. That doesn't mean that YOU would get all or any of them. Most of the time it is less than 10% of the people who take the med who get a particular side effect (there are exceptions where more people get a side effect, but a lot of the ones you hear about don't happen to 90% of the people who take the meds). So, please don't think that you WOULD definately get all of these awful side effects. Some of them aren't as awful as they sound - and for some of them there are things that you can do to make the side effect go away. For instance, I get dry mouth. That means that it feels like I have cotton in my mouth sometimes and it makes it hard to talk. So I carry a bottle of water with me wherever I go (that isn't such a bad idea anyway...). If it gets really bad, then I eat something and that makes it better. It can be annoying, but it isn't as annoying as being depressed. If you DID get a side effect that you couldn't stand (one med made me start losing my hair - that was unacceptable to me) then you can stop taking that med. 99% of the side effects go away when you stop taking the med. My doctor is always very careful to tell me about side effects that DON'T go away when I stop the med. And then I decide if I am willing to take that risk (sometimes there are warning signs, and if you stop right away it isn't a big problem).
So if your doctor recommended meds, and if you decided to take them, you could also decide to stop taking them (just talk to your doctor about whether you would need to cut back gradually, or if you could just stop taking them).
What side effects scare you the most? Many times a doctor will choose one med over another because of the side effects of each med. So if you couldn't stand hair loss, then they could be sure not to give you a med that has that for a side effect.
Assuming that you are depressed now (and I think it is pretty likely), you could go to therapy or counselling and see if it helped. You could even just talk to the counselor at your school - during school hours, and that way your parents wouldn't know. Your counselor at school could make a better assessment than I can over the internet and help you understand what your choices were from there. Maybe just talking to her would be enough. Maybe not. Depressions often go away by themselves after 6 months or so (but 6 months is a long time to be miserable). But sometimes they come back - and I have found that the things that I have learned in therapy help me to make it so that when the depression does come back (unfortunately, mine does) I can recognize it faster and keep it from getting too bad.
Depression can be a life long illness, but for most people it is not ALL of the time, and for most people it is very treatable with therapy or meds or a combination. And for lots of people, it isn't something they fight all the time - maybe just once, or a couple of times in their life. I do believe that you have a better chance of having it not affect you as much of the time if you treat it. If you can keep it from getting really bad, then you aren't as likely to have it come back as much. That's what I've heard.
Your fears are very understandable, but I think that if you had a little more information, then you might not be as scared. Let me know what else worries you, and I'll try to let you know whether you should be worried. Some of your worries are valid - some people will think less of you, meds do have side effects. So let's talk about the things that worry you.
poster:fallsfall
thread:284151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/295171.html