Posted by Ilene on December 29, 2003, at 13:40:22
In reply to Re: How do you escape this mental trap?, posted by Camille Dumont on December 29, 2003, at 0:21:18
> > > I've asked myself millions of times "what's the meaning of life?" and come up with no satisfactory answer.
> > >
>
> Well, I've prutty much given up on finding an aswer to that although I choose to think that it doesn't mean that there isn't one ... only that I'm not equipped with the right tools to find it at this time.
>
> See, this is where I have a problem with life. So ok being occupied and happy might make you forget about all those questions, but does it make them less important? I mean is it rationally better to simply "distract yourself" while your existence unfolds so as to avoid all those nasty interrogations? Especially since those interrogations concern your existence.
>I think the "meaning of life" has to do with how we handle what we're given--how we live it, and how we deal with the other people in our lives. Ethics is a big part.
One of the things I struggle with is how depression robs me of control. I can't do much of anything, much less live an examined life. I can do the examining, but I can't do the living.
The distraction aspect seems to be a big part of cognitive-behavioral therapy, which has a respectable track record in treating depression.
> >
> > > And given that I can't find a way to rationalize the fact that life is inherently better than death, isn't normal that if I'm not well I'm looking to the only alternate state to life? If so, why does everybody around me seem to disapprove and / or convince me that they "know better" and that once I'm "cured", somehow I'll "get it" and want to live?
> >Most people in our culture disapprove of suicide. Attitudes vary, esp. in non-Christian societies. (Romans were supposed to fall on their swords, for example rather than be dishonored.) You have to be somewhat iconoclastic to go against 2000 years of religion. (Or depressed.)
Medical people are supposed to save lives, not take them.
I'd hate to be patronized by people who claim they know what's good for me. My current pdoc thought she was going to "cure" me straight away. That was 2 years ago. I think she's stuck with me out of a deep sense of responsibility.
>
> This is interesting though. Right now I wouldn't say that I'm suicidal. I mean I'm not in a crisis, I don't have things getting at me ... I'm not backed up in a corner with nowhere else to go. I'd say that I'm actually very "neutral" these days and yet death simply refuses to leave my head. Just as another option ... kind of the same level of decision as say, changing career might be.
>Just thinking about it is called "suicidal ideation". The pdocs and therapists get more nervous when you tell them you have a plan and the means to carry it out.
I find that years of depression has just worn me down. I don't want any more of the same. I'm supposed to add a new med today, then a full-fledged med change in a few weeks. I'm trying not to think about what's going to happen if it doesn't work.
Ilene
poster:Ilene
thread:293866
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/294343.html