Posted by Jai Narayan on December 13, 2003, at 7:56:50
In reply to Love Life Pain, posted by tabitha on December 13, 2003, at 3:49:14
> I had a coffee-date with a guy, not very attractive, actually a little ugly, but good-natured and OK to talk to. Later he sent an email with a comment that was sort of a sleazy come-on, jokingly of course.
<It seems like jokes are where people think it's okay to slip in stuff that in a normal conversation just wouldn't float.
> Disappointing, because I actually wanted to give the guy a chance, and now feel repulsed. But you know what? It makes me miss the last guy I broke up with. The first month of that one was lovely. He was sweet and sensitive and beautiful to look at. No courtship blunders there. I felt so happy and alive. I had forgotten, since the relationship quickly went to sh*t after the initial promise. Just brings up fresh pain is all. I slept all evening I felt so bad. Just want to sleep more.
<Dating is challenging. I had a chat with a friend about finding the right person (in this particular situation it was hiring someone but I think it applies to this too). She told me to picture the person in the department, walking around, in the office...what would that person look like, act like, etc. what were 6 of my most important traits...what were 6 of the red flags I must look out for? I made lists and suddenly I had a much better handle on what I wanted and needed.
> Don't want either one of these guys. The new one apparently lacks the flaws of the previous, but also lacks the good points. I do that. Date a polar opposite after a breakup. Toss out baby with bathwater.
<gosh that sounds like something I had done for years.
>Feels like punishing self. Like OK, it didn't work with the sweet sensitive pretty one, so now you must go with one that's coarse and unattractive. Yuck. Where's my good-enough mate?
<maybe some internal searching will uncover that special one and maybe eliminate the ones you really don't want. Try the above suggestion and see what comes up?
poster:Jai Narayan
thread:289312
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/289337.html