Posted by shrimp on October 20, 2003, at 23:33:37
In reply to Re: Dumped and Depressed » KB, posted by Kar on May 28, 2002, at 16:49:10
Kar,
How do i get him out of my system when he was talking about marriage one week, in bed with someone else 3 weeks later? And i still love him, i don't know why i keep going back. He stayed with me when i was depressed, but he also made me depressed. I was wrong for having been his mistress at 24 when he was married, but i have paid for it over and over. And then i waited for 2 years for him to leave her, a year ago, he told me that he was also sleeping with his ex from college at the same time, and then hung up the phone and ignored me. I slid into a horrible depression, i had nobody, it was right after sept 11, which was in my backyard, i had just lost my job, so then i lost 35 lbs., i went down to 94 lbs., and my hair started falling out. And i was living on unemployment i had no health insurance and i couldn't afford the doctor i so desperately needed. i called him for help, and he said he couldn't talk to me because he had to go play golf, and his dad was in the car. i know this is long, but i need to tell someone. so then about 5 mos. later i went to his house and he was going out with his ex girlfriend. he left her for me, oh god, i'm still with him at this point, and then tis most recent hell, calls me on vacation after joking about marriage, sorry, after 5 years there is no joking. Then calls me in aspen to tell me how happy he is that i am gone. i come home, he tells me i have 3 days to get out of the apartment. and then leaves me there heartbroken and with excruciating shingles that i contracted after speaking to him on vacation. and now he says we can be friends, he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship, that s why he cheats he says, because he has never dated. but i know that no other girl will put up with this, he will wind up alone and calling me, and for some reason, i still have this soft spot for him, we shared such close intimate times. i poured my heart out to him, i have never been able to do that with any other guy. and now i can feel the depression returning. and i'm petrified i am going to get sick again. how do i stay away, how do i enter another relationship so damaged, how do i trust my feelings when they were so wrong? and where do i go from here? i am moving to nyc alone, and i know what a lonely place that is? will i get worse? i feel so vulnerable and i feel like my skin has been peeled off of my body.sorry so long shrimp
> KB- when I found out (from the other woman, mind you) that my boyfriend of 5 years had been cheating for the past year and a half, one of the things I discovered is how many people this has happened to! It seemed that everyone I told had their own "story"...Did you just find out about the other woman or had you already known? And did he know you knew? Whatever the answers are, what everone has said is so true. I continued to talk to this guy even after I found out; hell, I saw him many times. And it took me a long time to get him out of my system. It's hard to hear what everyone is telling you now, which is "Stay away from him!" but it's the best advice. it's good that you are mad and not all ready to forgive because that's healthy...
>
> I guess what I learned was that it really does take time- no matter what an a** someone is to you, you don't stop loving them right away. You're better than he is (this is the kind of thing that I heard after it happened to me and I knew I should believe it but didn't feel it). And you most assuredly will find someone who values you!
>
> Don't be hurt because of what he's doing for the other woman...because it's gonna happen to her too!
>
> All the best...it does get better,
> Kar
>
>
poster:shrimp
thread:24756
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/271312.html