Posted by Eddie Sylvano on October 8, 2003, at 16:01:44
In reply to I guess I'm not fixed and normal yet., posted by Susan J on October 8, 2003, at 14:54:16
> Hating looks -- A depression left-over? A screw-up piece of self-esteem that's not bad enough (yet) to send me back into depression?
----------There's a book out called "The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature" that I've been wanting to read forever. It addresses the fact that the growing public beliefs about how/why we think and act differ from scientific observation. It could loosely be called political correctness.
In your case, the idea is that if you went on Oprah, or whatever, and expressed your concern, you would be assured that no one judges you based on your appearance, and that you're just being hard on yourself. Everyone feels good, and they cut to commercial.
The problem is that no matter how often we tell ourselves that people don't discriminate, ideals are embraced, and whatnot, it's not usually the case. Plenty of experiments have shown that teachers treat attractive students better, employers hire the thin over the fat, and people have specific preferences in the appearance of potential mates.
All that said, I don't think that it's abnormal for anyone to have concern about their appearance. I think that almost everyone does, in fact, because we know that people will take cues from our image, and vary their behavior towards us accordingly.
Now, there is a healthy level of concern and an obessive level. The most anyone can do is to follow a healthy lifestyle and have a positive outlook (also a trait that people pick up on). You can't change the way you look (unless you have a lot of money), so it comes down to accepting yourself. Studies have also shown that, across the board, people tend to think they look less attractive than others would judge them, so know that you're your own worst critic.
And to be somewhat talk-show, it's indeed true that once people know more about you than how you reflect light, that knowledge shapes their opinion of you more than your appearance. I guess it all boils down to: it's not unusual to feel the way you do, it's relatively futile. If you really think you look terrible, test your hypothesis against the real world and see what happens.
poster:Eddie Sylvano
thread:266817
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/266844.html